Bad News

[Tambralyn]

Well, I went in for my appointment on Monday, and went through the usual. But the Nurse Practioner couldn't find the baby during the ultrasound. My hormone levels indicated that I was somewhere around 8 weeks pregnant, so they sent me to the hospital for a more sensitive ultrasound. It turned out that I had an ectopic pregnancy. They admitted me immediately for surgery, and took the baby. I was already having quite a bit of pain from the placement of the baby, and we're fortunate that we caught it before the tube ruptured. They were able to save the tube, so my chances of getting pregnant again are good, because I seem to be pretty fertile. The doctor recommends that we don't start trying again for another 4 months.

Since I bartend for a living, and am on my feet all day, he will not release me to go back to work for 6 weeks. I have no benefits at my job, but we do have insurance through American Eagle. I'm freaking out a bit, not just about losing the baby, which in itself is pretty traumatic, but also about the money situation. We have nothing in savings, and if any of you have husbands who have just started out with a commuter, you know that once benefits are taken out there's not much left.

We'll muddle through, but every time I wake up, it hits again that this is not just a bad dream. Please pray for our family. We're all having a tough time. My daughter is very disappointed that she's not going to be a big sister now, and is already asking when I'll get another baby. What a difficult thing to explain to a five year old.

A very sad day,

Tambra [img]images/graemlins/wail.gif[/img]

[MQAAord]

Oh, man. I'm so sorry. What a awful situation!

If you're physically doing better after a few weeks do you think the doc might re-consider letting you go back to work? I don't know how long an average recovery time is from that kind of surgery......

I remember new-hire Eagle benefits all too well. I couldn't afford them at all. I worked there for about 2 years before I could afford health insurance. (I was a '95 hire, I made $10.75/hr my first year!)

So glad they could save the tube though, and you didn't have a rupture! Give your self time to heal (physically & emotionally) and get back in it when you're ready.

[flygirl813126]

Sorry to hear about your loss. You will be in prayers.

[TheWife]

I am very sorry to hear that! I had a m/c in March before this one. For me the hardest part was wondering if I would ever have a good pregnancy again, so it helped me every time I heard about someone that lost a baby and then went on to have one soon after. (That's why I was telling you, wasn't trying to compete or something, hope it didn't come across that way.) I would like Amber said, that if you are doing well in a few weeks, you'll be able to go back to work. If you'd like, here is a pregnancy after loss board, you could ask them how long anyone else that had an eptopic had to wait to go back to work and how long they were told to wait before getting pg again. http://talk.sheknows.com/forumdisplay.php?f=163 I hope you get a lot of rest! The day I found out about my m/c, I rented like 4 chick flicks that dh wouldn't like, got about $15 worth of junk food, and stayed in bed alllllll day! It was very theraputic, despite....

[skibum515]

I'm so sorry about your loss [img]images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[Kristie]

I'm so sorry Tambra! how are you feeling?

[Tambralyn]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and understanding. I'm still in a lot of pain, and have unpredictable crying fits, but I'm doing better each hour. I just have to take it minute by minute.

Michelle - thank you for directing me to that board. It's great to talk with other women who have gone through this and know that feelings of guilt and failure that I have are normal, but also that there is hope for the future. They're goign to be a great support in the coming weeks, as are all of you.

John went back to Chicago today. Fortunately he was home for the appt, and was able to be with me for the surgery and recovery in the hospital. AE was very generous considering he just finished IOE and gave him an extra couple of days off. Now that he's gone, my family is being very supportive. I've never been as appreciative of the fact that we live with them while the house is being built, but it's just not the same without him here. And I worry about him being there in Chicago all by himself and dealing with this. This would have been our first child together, and he was really excited about being a father. Please send strong thoughts his way.

You ladies are great! Thank you for being there.

Tambra

[TheWife]

I'm so sorry that your dh isn't around! [img]images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] I hope you are recovering quickly and feeling better!

[lrcantrell]

Oh Tambra, I'm so sorry. You and your dh are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Tambralyn]

Thanks for your words of support and your prayers. I went to the Dr. today and had the staples removed from my incision. He says everything is healing well, and I can go back to work at the end of the month. My first day back will be New Year's Eve, which is actually my preference since I'd otherwise just be sitting at home with John in Chicago on reserve. We can start trying again as soon as I've had one regular cycle, which could still take a couple of months, and then we'll be doing home pregnancy tests each month so as to be able to know early on and keep an eye on things, since there is some scarring on my right tube. But all in all, things are good.

John's worried about me going back to work so soon, but I'm feeling gppd physically, and I'm going a little batty being all cooped up in the house. His biggest complaint is no sex for six weeks while I heal on the inside! [img]images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] I guess we'll just have to take that one day by day.

Emotionally, things are a little tougher. I'm definitely doing better than I was at this time last week, but I still get weepy at the drop of a hat, sometimes for no apparent reason. At least now I'm able to talk about it without breaking down. But I saw some of my co-workers today, and it was really hard to face the "I'm so sorry" looks. I know they are just concerned for me, but it almost makes it worse.

It's almost Christmas though, lots of time with friends and family at home and in New York. I think that's just the ticket! Enjoy the holiday everyone! [img]images/graemlins/holiday-santa.gif[/img]