:-(

[Kristie]

So a girlfriend of my sisters (long time friend who lived next to us as we were both growing up) lost her twins this past weekend :-( ... apparently, they were nature made.. both boys...she was at 20 weeks and already had names for them.

She has 2 girls now, but I can understand how devestated she's probably feeling knowing she lost both boys. Apparently one of the boy's hearts was bad and it took both of them instead of just the one...

So, not to be rude and all but... how does one approach a situation like this? is it ok to send a sympathy card or to call and say "i'm sorry" or do people usually leave this stuff alone and let the parents be?? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img] I dunno if miscarriages are perceived the same as someone dying and having a funeral etc....

I don't want to assume it's ok to send a card when it might just open the wound more....

[jamauk]

Oh Kristie,
That's just awful. A friend of our family had four miscarriages when they were trying for their second child. She was very open about it and talked about them and I sent her a card each time.

I would say it depends on the person and your relationship with them. If you are close to her and it sounds like you've known her quite a long time I think a card would be appropriate. Maybe instead of a "sympathy" card, just send a blank card with a nice handwritten note just so she knows you are thinking of her during this difficult time.

Its a tough call, but I'm sure she'd appreciate just knowing she has friends out there that will help her through this tough time.

Good Luck

[TheWife]

I'm very sorry for them! I wouldn't call just because it's hard to talk about I'm sure, and she could be resting or already being bombarded with calls. But I bet a nice card would mean a lot. If it was me--a simple "I'm very sorry, you will be in my prayers" kind of thing would be appreciated, but the "It must not have been God's will" type comments would not sit well. At 20 weeks it's definitely more of a loss than a m/c, I mean a m/c is hardly in exsistance, I had barely known I was pg when I had mine, but at 20 weeks, to me at least, they are little babies, I can see it being treated as a death type loss and understand having a funeral.

[biochemtine]

From my understanding, women who go through miscarriages feel not only physically crappy but also emotionally. They're already attached to this life growing in them, they have personality and names in this case, it's like losing your baby...I think a sympathy card would be appropriate. Or at least an "I'm caring for you," type of card.

I can't imagine having a miscarriage, but it doesn't matter how many children you have, losing one to a miscarriage is still heartbreaking.

[MQAAord]

Sending a card would be very appropriate, I agree with making it a 'blank' card, and writing a note. (Actually, I think those are more personal [i:b88487c488]anyway[/i:b88487c488].)

By 20 weeks, you've made a 'bond' with the baby(s), and I can't imagine losing not only one, but two! I'm very sorry for her :-(

[Shaunna]

Kristie, that is so sad! I have a very close girlfriend who lost twins at 20 weeks as well and they did have a funeral for them (a boy and a girl). I agree with the card and lots of prayers of support.

Shaunna