my 5 yr old said what?

[Brenda]

A few days ago my children bought their first set of baseball cards. They love baseball and they especially love the Red Sox.

They came home to show their daddy what they got and as they were going through the cards, William, my just turned 5 yr old, points to a card and says, "ehh, that guy is a P***Y!"
My hubby went nuts, came into the room and tells me what my son said, kind of like the movie A Christmas story, you know where the kid Ralphy and dad are trying to fix a tire, the nuts go flying and the kid says "oh fudge" But not really fudge? Well, that's what it was like here.
Where did he hear this? From an 8 yr old boy that lives around the corner. My kids have been playing with him and his brother who is only 3. There are no other kids on our street.
Where did he learn this word? What do I do? How do I approach, or do I not talk to his mother? I feel like I need to say something. This is the kid that taught my kids to say balls and nuts. I know kids, especially boys do thir "grown up" talking when no one is listening, but to teach my child/children that? That will not fly in this household!

[Mistress Trista]

It's tough to tell another mother how to raise her children, it's best approached with a whole lot of caution. The mother may agree with you, but if you say something the wrong way, she'll more than likely turn into a mother hen and become defensive, which is never a good thing.

I have a 21 year old (He'll be 22 in April) and a thirteen year old who will be 14 in April and I've learned through the years, you can't stop them from hearing stuff once they leave the house. The best you can do is make sure they understand that just because that child says it, doesn't mean they can. And the bigger a deal you make out of it, the more interesting the word becomes to the child. I learned that the hard way. From then on, it was just a firm, "We never use that word in this house, is that understood?"

And there's always the fact that some people might not see certain words as bad, so it's a tough call.

[jr_lenz]

I have to agree, with miss T. they are going to hear alot, I think you can chalk it up to a life lesson, and make sure he understaas stands that it will not be said again, in your house or out of the house. since t has started 1st grade we have had to have alot of talks about charcter and making personnel choices about the type of person he wants to be.

[Brenda]

I know...I thought about just letting it go, like everything else I hear and not make a big deal out of it, just tell them no to all that in our house. But, what if the tables were turned and it was my son that was saying these things? I would want to know about it, I think. And so it begins!!

[Mistress Trista]

I didn't mean don't tell her at all, just approach it carefully. I had a mother approach me about my husband's guns one time. She was extremely high and mighty and actually wanted to check that they were secured to her satisfaction and even wanted me to show her my dresser drawers so she could see we didn't have any in there that her child could get to. I told her absolutely not!!

She could either take my word for it, or get over it. There was no way I was going to open each of my dresser drawers for her to inspect. Was she out of her mind? Her attitude pissed me off right from the start, so I was already a little mad before she even got that far. (LIke I was a bad mother for having them in the house at all, even though they were locked up, separate from the bullets)

Sometimes when people approach about children, they might have good intentions, but they come across as condescending or better than you. Not saying that you will, I'm just advising to be very careful and try to keep it as friendly as possible.

[FilleBelle]

If the things these children say to your children bother you, it is your place to stop your kids from hanging out with them. I don't think it's your place to drop by and tattle on them to their mother. While offensive, I don't see as how a naughty word now and then is going to harm the neighbor's kids.

No need to let it go as though it were no big deal, though. You can totally address it with your own son, perhaps explaining the meaning of the word and why it isn't appropriate to use in casual conversation. Or, if you feel he's too young for that talk, you can go straight to the "That word isn't nice and we don't say it in this house!" version.

[Regina]

I agree with trista: approach cautiously, if that is what you plab to do. My opinion is that if the same kids have thrown out other words or done other things that you feel uncomfortable with, I would be finding my kids new playmates...maybe just even a break from those other kids. If you do a break, the mom might approach you to ask why your boys haven't been over. Another solution is to only have the neighbors come over to your house where you could supervise. If a word comes up, you could approach all the boys at the same time saying that those words are not acceptable in your house..possibly even sending the boys home at that for the effect. My sister-in-law did that to a neighbor boy awhile back...the boy ended up coming over the next day to apologize, promising not to use the word again. He didn't want to miss out playing with his friends.

I also think that some words are not considered bad in some people's household. For example, my m-in-law has a thing about shut-up. She considers it horrible, I think it is a word to use cautiously. Or another example is idiot and retard. These words are never to be spoken in an unkind fashion in my house. My kids cousins use the words as no big deal. If I heard them use those words in my house, they would be warned once, and sent home the next time. I would also be limiting the time my kids spent with those kids because I think those words are cruel and making fun of people with disabilities. I want my kids to learn kindness to people that are challenged, not something like using those words out of cruelty. I guess what I am saying is that certain words just aren't any big deal to some, and although the kids say them, especially at a young age, it is just out of constantly hearing them and not that the kids are bad or bad influences. BUT...if it is important to you, stick to your feelings. Explain to your own kids what is appropriate in your household, and if you do hear the neighbor kids say it, you can always say to them (if it is in your home) that if they would like to stay and play, then you expect them to follow the same rules as your boys and not use that kind of language.

[Mrs.Alchemist]

Your question is bringing back the memory of the taste of Ivory soap.... Yummm.... (I wasn't allowed to say shut-up, idiot, retard or say that something sucks... or watch He-man, but that's another story)

Those are some good suggestions, though... I'd probably stick with one of those!

I was just remembering... My dad explained to me what sucks really means, and that made me not want to say it in front of my parents again, so... Maybe something similar could be helpful...?

[Brenda]

Well, I'm not going to say anything or should I say "tattle" to the kids mom. I am going to monitor a little better what is being said in the "boys club"

[skibum515]

As one who teaches kids in a fairly casual setting (skiing) I've heard all sorts of words coming out of my kids' mouths. Usually a sharp/quick "what did you just say?!" will come out with a "nothing!" so they obviously know that what they said was inappropriate. The next reply from me is usually along the lines of "That's not what I heard you say. Words like that are NOT appropriate for ski school." and that's usually the end of the situation.