9 weeks left...relief vs panic

[jr_lenz]

I only have 9 weeks left before this bundle of joy arrives, and part of me is totally ready, I am getting very uncomfortable. But a bigger part of me is starting to panic.

1. the nursery is anywhere close to being done, we are about 3/4 of the way done in getting the office dismattled and moved to other parts of the house.

2. I am showing more and more signs of having to have this baby early, and I am stressing about Lance not being home. I don't think I can do this without him.

3. The baby is breeched and we have to start planning for a c-section. However we have been giving the option of an elective c-section if the baby turns (because of the complications of Traytons birth) so here are the pro of having a c-section: it is quick & it is schelduled (which my personality loves). so basicly we are looking at friday the 21st we would go in at 8:00 in the morning and be done no later than 10:00 that morning I would have 4 days in the hospital then home. So I should be home on monday night, tues morning. Lance only gets about a week off so I know we would have some good time home together before he leaves. Cons: 4 days in the hospital, longer healing time, and this little fact, I am scared to death of them cuting me open while I am still awake. I know I can't feel it, but the medical part of me knows what is going on and I can't stand the thought of it. I have chosen who will be my c-section team...as far as the doctors, and they told me that they will make it so I can't see the cuts, and that they will give me a "happy drug" before we go in to calm the nerves, and of course they told me that they would general if I wanted...but I don't b/c I want to be awake to hold her. I know this shouldn't freak me out but it really does, I was driving home thinking about it and I had to pull over and throw up b/c I made my self sick thinking about it.

so pros of the v-delevery:
no c-section! 3 days in hospital.

cons: I was induced with Trayton and was in labor for 36 hours! So if we went in on Friday to be induced and it went long we could be looking at Sat or God forbid Sunday, before birth. v-birth has a risk b/c of heart condition. So if the labor goes long or I can't hold up we may be looking at a c-section anyway. I don't want to spend hours in labor just to go to a c-section.

I am so torn with what to do, and I am starting to lose sleep at night thinking about all that I have to get done and what choices to make.

I just looked backed a saw how long this post was...sorry!