Advice from working moms

[Anonymous]

I need help! I work 40+ hours a week, I'm taking 17 credits in school and have a toddlar! I'm having alot of trouble balancing home, work, and school. I have never been good at the whole domestic thing, but now I have a feeling a breakdown is in my future!Do any working moms have any advice?

[SeatClutcher]

As a non-mom but just a regular person, I think I can safely say you're overextending yourself.

A recent study discussed on the Today Show suggests women are more unhappy than men right now because they're trying to do EVERYTHING successfully.

Having a career, being a mom, and going to school probably qualifies as EVERYTHING.

Moms might have something different to say...I don't know. But I think you're going to have to cut something out of the equation unless you don't value any rest or personal time at all. Ever.

[Adreamer's_wfe]

How do I do it? Honestly, most of the time I feel guilty, I don't sleep much (not a joke) and I beat myself up all the time because DH is flying and I am soley responsible for five kids - none of whom get as much of me as they deserve. Lately I have been very angry with DH for putting us all in this situation. I am past just hanging on to the thread - I have lost the thread - I hope to just hang on again. I try to pace myself, keep a positive attitude, and not let myself get too overwhelmed. When I do start to go there, I put the brakes on, organize, and go back to work. I also usually eat my dinner after 9 at night- and unless at work, I usually don't sit all day.

Upside, I have five great kids that bring more joy than frustration and I am thankful for my blessings. It can get overwhelming! Keep trying.

[TheWife]

I'm not a work outside of the home mom, but I still have to juggle life so I thought maybe I could still be useful. One thing I have always made sure of is that I get at least 7 1/2 hours of sleep. It's so easy to cut sleep down to get more done, but I just don't do it. If I do, it starts a cycle, I get too tired during the day and end up napping, I feel more depressed and stressed out, I lose my temper, I start to forget things and get spacy, etc. So if I force myself to sleep I can avoid the extra problems that come w/ lack of sleep.

I also make sure I find time for a few things here and there that are in no way related to being mom/wife/housekeeper. Even if I have other things that need to be done, I do it anyway. There will NEVER be a day in my life where I don't have a long list of things to get done. So I try to make sure a portion of my time is spent doing things that bring me joy. Since I'm always going to be overwhelmed and overworked and overbooked, I might as well have some fun memories to help me cope with it! I also try to remember that IMO, people are more important than clean houses and fresh laundry. I don't want someone to feel like I wasn't there for them when they needed me, because I was too busy to stop my chores and notice their need.

I also, when I'm doing really good, try to have freezer meals and menu plans, so that we save money by not having to eat out, and because it makes meal time so much less stressful to know what dinner is going to be instead of staring in the fridge wondering and then giving up and ordering pizza.

Then as far as actual tasks and duties that have to be done, I do them in order of priority by date, what has to be done first, vs. what I think will take the longest. This is just something that works for me. I used to do what seemed like the biggest task first, to get it out of the way, but then I would be running late w/ the little things that had to get done. So I decided to just go in order of what comes first and that has felt more manageable to me.

Well, I don't know if any of that is helpful, but hang in there! It's hard, but school will be over someday, and your child will be grown, make sure you take care of YOU so you have the ability to take care of others!

[Imachickadee75]

Well, I'm partly a SAHM and a Working Mom. I do two double shifts (32hours) over the weekend but then stay home the rest of the week. I'm also working on my Masters degree -6 credits at a time. I have to agree with Michelle. Good memories, compassion and love for your family are much, much more important than a clean house and (for me) laundry that is actually put away.

What I try to do is clean the kitchen everyday, as well as one or two loads of laundry and vaccum every other day (two big dogs=lots of hair and dirt). On Tues I dust, and on Thurs I straighten our bedroom. This seems to keep things fairly manageable for me. However, to be honest, usually the laundry does not get folded or put away until Friday night, I usually skip the dusting and bedroom thing. For me, the big things are a dirty kitchen and a nasty floor. So I pretty much stay on top of that. I keep a list of favorite meals on the fridge door so that when I'm in a cooking rut, I can be reminded of something good to eat.

I also really agree with Michelle on the sleep thing. I nap almost everyday when DS does because if I don't -I'm cranky and uneffective as a Mom and no help to anyone. I also let myself go to sleep early if necessary (yes I know its 1:30am my time-can't sleep tonight for some reason). I also have the benefit of the fact that DH used to keep DS when I worked weekends so he knows why the house often looks like Hurricane Jason hit -it did!

In terms of school, while straight A's might be important for further education plans (depending on your field) keep in mind that for the most part, if you aren't going to pursue an extended degree no one is going to care if you got an A,B or C. All they want to see is your degree. Try not to take it too seriously.

I hope that helps some.

Jackie

[SeatClutcher]

Just a reminder:

40+ hours a week: full time (+)
17 credits: larger than full college load
toddler: keeps moms busy, right?


I understand the responses here are intended to help someone make a current situation feel better, but is there nothing else to be said for changing the situation?

It just seems nuts to me that three full-time tasks on a 24-hour schedule doesn't seem ridiculously excessive to anyone else.

to make it better, could you cut down to 3/4 time, at least? Even half, and go through the summer?

How effective can we be as people if we're constantly running?

I'd be a bloody mess.

[flyershoe]

I don't have any kids, am (only) taking 11 credits and work 40+ hours also- I'M COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED right now. 17 credits would do me in... let alone having a toddler! I don't know how you're doing it. If you keep going like you are, you are going to have a breakdown - anyone would. Not to mention if you're involved with a pilot as well... you probably feel like you're neglecting him on top of everything else (I know that I feel like that a lot).

Sorry that I don't have any "real" advice, but like Seatclutcher said, there's only 24 hours in a day, and that's not enough time for everything you're doing.

[Eastbayk]

I work full time and have one 5 year old. I was a full time single parent when he was 2.5 and have pretty much been the primary parent since then.

I rely really heavily on routines and planning ahead. I schedule everything! It keeps me from feeling overwhelmed. I make notes to myself in my planner and when I think of something I need to do, I write it down and assign it a day. That way I don't beat myself up if I forget it. If I don't get it done, I assign it for another day I think I can get it down on. I write down everything from grocery shop to make dr. appts to call my parents. Every night before we go to bed, we walk around the house and make a clean sweep, putting away everything we've taken out since we've been home. I set aside one day on the weekend to clean the house and do the laundry. Then I don't feel guilty the rest of the week b/c it isn't my day to do that stuff. We try to do the same stuff on the same day every week- groceries on thursdays, baking on tuesdays, errands on wednesdays, library on saturday. It's easier for my son b/c he knows what to expect. I never go home until all my errands are done; once I get there, it's too hard to get back out again.

I remember that it was really hard when my son was 2.5. He would never play by himself and was always wanting me to entertain him. When he turned 3 it seemed like it got easier and by 3.5, he was playing cars and trains by himself and leaving me to do other things. I do try to let him help when he can, he likes to vacuum with the dustbuster and to help cook (stirring, dumping in mix packets...) and I try to let him help with that too. It's like multi-tasking b/c you are interacting with your child AND getting stuff done.

How much time does your child spend with dad? He should definetly be helping you out when he's there- letting you get ahead on school work or just take a break. If he is part of the household then he needs to take part in running it.

I agree that it seems like you are taking on an awful lot and are going to burn out quickly. Doing just two of the three full time things you are doing is enough to cause a very busy life. Is there any way you can cut back on either work or school? Or is this for a very short time only?

Kim

[TheWife]

Originally Posted by SeatClutcher

Just a reminder:

40+ hours a week: full time (+)
17 credits: larger than full college load
toddler: keeps moms busy, right?


I understand the responses here are intended to help someone make a current situation feel better, but is there nothing else to be said for changing the situation?

I understand what you are saying, but I also don't have enough info into the situation to know what changes can be made. Can't get rid of the kid, the school may be REALLLLLY hard to handle right now, but sometimes getting it over with as fast as possible is the best outcome for the person, and it's probably taking all 40 hours a week to be able to pay the bills. BUT, all 3 are areas that can definitely be examined for an adjustment. Can the cell minutes be cut back, the cable channels be turned off, skip going out for movies and dinner for 6 months, be more conservative w/ utilities and gas in your car, etc. so that 2-3 hours a week could be taken off of work for "me" time or for study time? Could some of the classes be done online to save driving, could someone watch the kid for a few hours a week, etc.? Things to consider for sure, SIMPLIFY where possible, learn to cope where it's not. Where is dh/so in all this?

[Regina]

I agree with Michelle and Kim. You sound very overloaded. Routine definetly helps, but I don't think routine can help someone in your situation completely. I know some people take a lot of credit hours to get the most for their money and to also get through faster. Is there anyway to take out a student loan, grant, scholarship to help financially? Possible ways to cut back on expenses: borrow movies from the library, use coupons combined with sales (check out hotcouponworld.com), don't have cable (remember it's a luxury, not necessity), do you have both a home and cell? could you get by with just a cell? We only have cell phones, and I love it. no solicitors, automatic color I.d., always having it with me in case of emergencies, and a lot of airlines get discounts with cell providers, don't buy everything new....garage sales and thrift stores have some great deals (especially kids toys, books, etc),

is there someone that helps watch your child while you are at work/school? With your full time load at school and a full time job, I can't imagine having any more time for your toddler. A 40 hour a week job tends to go over that; school involves homework and studying; wow.. I am exhausted just thinking about it.

I really suggest you look into grants, loans, etc. Talk to a financial aid counselor at your college. Most of us graduate with loans, and if it makes your life more bearable and more productive, that might be an option.

Also, take vitamins and eat well. I can't imagine this stress not affecting your immune system. You could try that once a month/week cooking to cut down having to cook all the time.

Good luck, and please remember to take care of yourself!