Help a Mom whose down - Page 2

Bigsweetie · 09-24-2007, 10:23 AM

I typed this post last night but it got lost!

Anyway, resentment is a very common SAHM problem. But it stems from an even bigger SAHM issue.... isolation. Many SAHM's feel isolated from the outside world. It's SOOOO vital for you to get out by yourself once in a while. Do it when your DH is home. And when he's away, find a playgroup to take your kids to where you can meet other moms your age and hang out with them while the kids play. It's really important.

It's easy to make excuses (I don't have anyone to watch the kids, or my husband doesn't like being left alone with them, or he doesn't take care of them as well as I do). These are just barriers to our own happiness.

You can't be an effective parent to your kids, if you're burnt out and resentful. Your DH needs to help you with this. Think of ideas together for ways that you can get some time alone or with friends. It's truly just as important as paying the mortgage. And if you make it a REAL priority, you'll see the benefits (and so will your husband and kids).

Moms are expected to work nonstop for 18 years straight. No one in the outside world would tolerate a job like that. But the difference is we do our job out of love, not because of a paycheck. But our "paycheck" to ourselves should be making time to do the things in life that DON'T involve our husbands or kids.

You really are worth the effort!!

As for the sippy cup thing, i'm sure you've already apologized to your husband for that, just remember that it's a symptom of a larger problem. You need to deal with the problem (isolation/resentment) and then the symptom will dissappear on it's own.

(((((HUGS)))))

christykay · 09-24-2007, 12:14 PM

You have received some wonderful words of Mommy wisdom thus far- let me just remind you that being a Mom is hard work!

I joke with my girlfriends that there are somedays where I feel like the world's best Mom and everything fits into place and is right. But, then there are those days that I feel like I couldn't do anything right as a mom- even tie my shoes correctly if I had to. So... do you know what I do? I wear flip flops!

I heard once that we Mom's need to take care of us, (because no one else will) so that we can be well enough to take care of others. With four kids at home and a pilot for a husband; trust me I know how hard it is to find that time.

Some suggestions on finding that time: When the new month rolls around sit down with the calendar and DH and schedule your "me" time on the calendar. Maybe you are comfortable with one time a month maybe you need one day a week, maybe you need an hour every evening- whatever it is schedule that time for you. Now here is the hard part for us Mom's- when you are utilizing your "me" time DO NOT do anything for someone else- this is your time. Which translates to no folding laundry, no meal planning, no grocery shopping, etc. Go to the library for some uninterupted reading time (what's that?), schedule a manicure or pedicure or both, get a smoothie just for you (no sharing- what is that?) Trust me it will feel very awkward at first, you may even feel guilty about doing something for you, but this is a must!

You get the point- take care of you so that you can be a better you to take care of your loved ones.

Also, if you need to just vent- the DH's just don't understand sometimes how much a woman needs to talk things through, PM me, I'm a really good listener! Take care and good luck!

Shar · 09-24-2007, 08:43 PM

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I did get out today (if only for a doctor's apt. but who cares?) Of course I apologized to DH about the cups. I also signed up to substitute since I am a teacher on leave. I think this will help me greatly even if it's just a few days a month. I do have playgroups that I do with the kids which are great. Anyway, thanks again for helping me through a rough time.

Brenda · 09-25-2007, 10:00 AM

Hey! That's what we're here for!

Shar · 10-04-2007, 09:31 PM

Just an update...worked 2 days in a row (substituting) while DH watched the boys. I feel like a whole new person. When I came home he said sorry I didn't have time to wash the sippy cups. HAHA. I think he appreciates me just a little bit more even though he said things went great

. It was the first time I was away from my younger one for 15 months! Thanks for all the support girls. It's nice during the rough times we all have!

09-24-2007, 10:23 AM	#11 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,562 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Help a Mom whose down I typed this post last night but it got lost! Anyway, resentment is a very common SAHM problem. But it stems from an even bigger SAHM issue.... isolation. Many SAHM's feel isolated from the outside world. It's SOOOO vital for you to get out by yourself once in a while. Do it when your DH is home. And when he's away, find a playgroup to take your kids to where you can meet other moms your age and hang out with them while the kids play. It's really important. It's easy to make excuses (I don't have anyone to watch the kids, or my husband doesn't like being left alone with them, or he doesn't take care of them as well as I do). These are just barriers to our own happiness. You can't be an effective parent to your kids, if you're burnt out and resentful. Your DH needs to help you with this. Think of ideas together for ways that you can get some time alone or with friends. It's truly just as important as paying the mortgage. And if you make it a REAL priority, you'll see the benefits (and so will your husband and kids). Moms are expected to work nonstop for 18 years straight. No one in the outside world would tolerate a job like that. But the difference is we do our job out of love, not because of a paycheck. But our "paycheck" to ourselves should be making time to do the things in life that DON'T involve our husbands or kids. You really are worth the effort!! As for the sippy cup thing, i'm sure you've already apologized to your husband for that, just remember that it's a symptom of a larger problem. You need to deal with the problem (isolation/resentment) and then the symptom will dissappear on it's own. (((((HUGS)))))

09-24-2007, 12:14 PM	#12 (permalink)
christykay Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: S. Carolina y'all Posts: 805 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Help a Mom whose down You have received some wonderful words of Mommy wisdom thus far- let me just remind you that being a Mom is hard work! I joke with my girlfriends that there are somedays where I feel like the world's best Mom and everything fits into place and is right. But, then there are those days that I feel like I couldn't do anything right as a mom- even tie my shoes correctly if I had to. So... do you know what I do? I wear flip flops! I heard once that we Mom's need to take care of us, (because no one else will) so that we can be well enough to take care of others. With four kids at home and a pilot for a husband; trust me I know how hard it is to find that time. Some suggestions on finding that time: When the new month rolls around sit down with the calendar and DH and schedule your "me" time on the calendar. Maybe you are comfortable with one time a month maybe you need one day a week, maybe you need an hour every evening- whatever it is schedule that time for you. Now here is the hard part for us Mom's- when you are utilizing your "me" time DO NOT do anything for someone else- this is your time. Which translates to no folding laundry, no meal planning, no grocery shopping, etc. Go to the library for some uninterupted reading time (what's that?), schedule a manicure or pedicure or both, get a smoothie just for you (no sharing- what is that?) Trust me it will feel very awkward at first, you may even feel guilty about doing something for you, but this is a must! You get the point- take care of you so that you can be a better you to take care of your loved ones. Also, if you need to just vent- the DH's just don't understand sometimes how much a woman needs to talk things through, PM me, I'm a really good listener! Take care and good luck!

09-24-2007, 08:43 PM	#13 (permalink)
Shar Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: FL Posts: 66 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help a Mom whose down Thank you everyone for your kind words. I did get out today (if only for a doctor's apt. but who cares?) Of course I apologized to DH about the cups. I also signed up to substitute since I am a teacher on leave. I think this will help me greatly even if it's just a few days a month. I do have playgroups that I do with the kids which are great. Anyway, thanks again for helping me through a rough time.

09-25-2007, 10:00 AM	#14 (permalink)
Brenda Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: EVV Posts: 1,211 Recipes: Thanks: 11 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts	Re: Help a Mom whose down Hey! That's what we're here for! __________________ - Brenda, wife to Eric, Capt for Shuttle America.

10-04-2007, 09:31 PM	#15 (permalink)
Shar Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: FL Posts: 66 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help a Mom whose down Just an update...worked 2 days in a row (substituting) while DH watched the boys. I feel like a whole new person. When I came home he said sorry I didn't have time to wash the sippy cups. HAHA. I think he appreciates me just a little bit more even though he said things went great. It was the first time I was away from my younger one for 15 months! Thanks for all the support girls. It's nice during the rough times we all have!

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