Parenting Question - Leaving Kids Alone

[Tambralyn]

When do you feel a child is old enough to be left alone for an hour or so? My 8 yo daughter has been asking me to allow her to stay home alone when I have errands to run that aren't very fun for her. I've let her stay in the house by herself for ten to fifteen minutes, and she knows to keep the door locked, and not to answer it for anyone. She knows my cell phone number by heart, and how to call 911. My sister says no way, but she also says that she probably won't let her kids stay in the house by themselves until they're sixteen. (On a side note, her kids and mine are very different. Hers would probably have set the house on fire within 5 minutes.)

What do you think?

[Adreamer's_wfe]

OUCH - 8 is pretty young, even if she is mature. I would NEVER consider leaving Em alone, she is 7 1/2. I know it is tempting to let them start doing those things, but in the long run, they are just not ready. Would you let her take a bike ride alone, while you are 15-20 min. away? Look at it like that. Plus, if something did happen, how hard would you kick yourself?

[Regina]

My kids are pretty responsible, but I would have to say no until they are at least 11, probably 12. I think it would be a case by case basis.

If something did happen, totally out of your and her control, like an intruder or something, the authorities would totally come back to an 8 year old being left home alone. The media would have a frenzy about it....look what they are doing to the girl that disappeared this last month or so. Not saying what they did was right, and not saying what you are doing is wrong, but just giving my opinion.

[christykay]

I personally would never leave my 8 year old son alone, infact I don't think he would let me. I do know that girls mature faster than the boys, but 8 still seems young to me. However, you know your daughter better than any of us.

Something to look into though is to find out the age in your state that is ok for children to babysit. In Wisconsin I believe the age was 10 for watching siblings and 12 to babysit others. Wisconsin has some odd laws, but it wouldn't hurt to see what the age of babysitting would be in your state to get a good idea of a recommendation.

[Tambralyn]

Regina, I haven't heard anything about the girl that went missing. Where did this happen?

[patty@myflightsurgeon.com]

I started to leave my kids alone when the oldest(girl) was 15. But even now when my son (10) goes out side I check up on him every 5-10 min. He has boundaries like From the corner 3 houses away to 3 houses the other way, maybe I am paranoid but... I don't want anything to happen.
I have parents that let their kids come over to play and they stay all day and I don't get a phone call to see if they are still there or not.
But like someone else says you know your child the best and only you can make that judgment.

[skibum515]

i think by time i was 10 or 11 I was allowed to stay home by myself watching my younger bro. we could only play in our backyard (fenced in) or otherwise stay inside.

[Regina]

It was that little girl that went missing in her hotel over in Europe somewhere. I am pretty sure it has been in the last month. The author of those Harry Potter books even offered a reward for info. The little girl and her two siblings were asleep in their hotel room, so the parents went to have dinner in the hotel restaurant. When they went back to the room, the little girl was gone. The parents insist that this is common practice over there, but the media is tearing the parents apart.

Someone mentioned that if you were outside in your backyard having a drink with your husband and the kids were in bed, doors locked (besides back door where you guys are), intruder breaks in and kidnaps your kid....are you a bad parent?

[Tambralyn]

Yeah, I found some information online about that case last night. I have to say that I think there's a big difference between leaving a 3 year old alone at any time, but especially in a hotel in a strange country (they were a British family on holiday in Portugal) where the child doesn't speak the language, while you go to have dinner and leaving an older child alone in the house (at home) with doors locked for a short period of time.

It also reminds us how very important it is to talk with your children about being safety conscious from an early age. Even at three years old, this child should have known not to open the door to anyone that was not mom or dad. Of course we don't know exactly what happened, but the news reports do not indicate that there was forced entry.

The parents of the boy who was approached in Disney Land are great example of parents teaching their children how to handle a situation like that. When a strange man approached him, he screamed, drew attention to himself and then told on the man. Because of the boy's description, they were able to stop the man from kidnapping another child later that day because they were on the lookout for him.

I think it's possible to allow children some independence if they are taught the important rules to keep themselves safe. And if the child is not mature enough to handle the resopnsibility, then obviously their rules must be tighter, no matter what their age.

[Regina]

Yes, I think there is a big difference. I teach my kids stranger danger from the beginning. It is so hard to teach them to be aware of strangers when so many people feel that it is appropriate to come up and talk to your kids in the grocery all the time. They think your kids are being rude or shy, but they are doing exactly what we have been teaching them.

No, I would never leave my child in a hotel room or anywhere like that either. I have no clue what they were thinking, but I am looking at that from an American stand-point. So many cultures do different things that make them the norm and us weird. So, if I were raised that it was the norm (which I was not), who knows.