With or Without?

[LauraL]

You're a Pilot's Wife (or SO). You're lucky enough to get all the good and bad that go with the title.

My question:

Easier WITH children or easier WITHOUT?

[Brenda]

Wow, that's a question.

It depends. Does he commute? Does he fly international? Does he fly cargo? Is his seniority somewhat good? Do you have family close by or a close knit of friends? Do you work?

[Eastbayk]

My first gut repsonse is to say without. And I have a child. It's difficult having to explain over and over again where dad is, when he's coming home and having to integrate him back into the family and explain all that he missed while he was gone. It's hard to be the only parent most of the time, especially if you don't have family around (I don't). It's easier to just have to take care of yourself and be able to go where you want, when you want.

But, I love being a parent and having my son around keeps me active, helps me to network with other people and keeps me from sitting on my rear and moping when he is away. I can't imagine it any other way.

Yes, it is hard to be the only parent, but you aren't ALWAYS the other parent. He comes home sometimes and is so exited to see our son that he completely takes him off my hands for a while. Yes, he's missed some of our son's firsts, but the first time he sees it, it's the first for him. And there are some things that only dad can teach, like how to potty standing up and how to ride a skateboard, so dad has a special role in his life even if he isnt' there all the time.

I think it's a really individual question and you'll get a wide variety of responses on this question. People's responses also will depend on what kind of day they are having and where they are in the career (new vs. established) Look at the pros and cons of what people say and then make the decision that feels best for you. No one can make that kind of decision for you.

Kim

[TheWife]

I'd say less responsibility w/o them, more lonely w/o them.

[skyrocketocelot]

Without. I can't imagine having kids in the first place, let alone not having his/her father around regularly to help me raise him/her. Especially knowing what kind of terror I was growing up!!!

[roz]

I can't imagine what it would have been like to not have a child. What my spouse did for a living is irrelevant to me. You make do with your circumstances in life. Whenever I'd feel overwhelmed, I'd think of my sister who raised her twins as a single parent without any support or involvement from her ex-husband.

[mzmiller]

Hmmm...Simpler? Absolutely.

Better? No.

[Bigsweetie]

That's really a relative question. I agree with Roz that the fact that my DH is a pilot is irrelevant.

We're not the only ones who go through this lifestyle. You could ask that same question to the wives/SO's of truck drivers, traveling salesmen, military men, etc. I know PLENTY of other wives who's DH's are gone long periods of time.

Everyone should decide whether or not to have kids based on their own soul searching, not what their SO does for a living.

To answer your question though, BOTH! In some ways it's easier (less lonely) and in some ways it's harder (more work).

I wouldn't trade it for the world!!!

[Brenda]

But i don't think Laura was just pin pointing this on being with a pilot. It can be any profession. Sure, that is HER reltionship situation, so that is her question.
It just depends on the couple if they want to have children and what they want out of life.

I, too, couldn't imagine my life without my children. I think Life would be so boring. Sure, I get selfish and want to have the freedom and lifestyle of my 20's, sometimes. Sure I wish I had my husband around a bit more to help with the boys, but at the end of the day, it's all good. We get through it.

[LauraL]

I love Kim's response: That her son keeps her active, networking and off her "butt"

Maybe I posed my initial question incorrectly. What I should have said is: What was made easier/better once you had your child?