Help!! Don't know what to do!!

Bigsweetie · 08-02-2004, 09:17 PM

Hey girls,

I have a dilemma. DH and I have been married for 1yr. 3mo. We are both turning 31 this year. We currently live in a 1-bedroom apt. DH is an FO for a regional (about 22K/yr)and I work full time (I don't make much more than DH).

We DESPERATELY want to have a child. We both feel ready and I have had baby fever for over a year now. We would like to buy a small house or condo next year, but don't know if we can afford both a baby AND a condo. We can afford a two bedroom apt., if necessary I just don't know if we're doing the right thing. We want to start trying later this month (not charting, just no BC). DH may possibly be getting an upgrade later this year or early next (no guarantee) which would mean financial security for the first time ever!!! Normally I would wait to see if he gets an upgrade or not, but honestly everytime I think about waiting another year I can't stop crying.

I'm sure you all remember what it was like when DH made very little money... i'm trying to be patient, but I feel like we've put so much on hold for so many years waiting for things to get better financially.

I know that 31 is not too old to have a child, but I really feel like we need to get started. We definitely want more than one child; i've already had 1/2 of one of my ovaries removed a few years ago; and my family history shows most of the women in my family needing a hysterectomy in there late 30's, or early 40's (anemia disorder - which i have).

Sorry this is so long... I just need some advice about this.

Do I do the responsible thing and wait to see what happens with DH's career (which may be nothing) or do we forge ahead and go for it!!

Please help!!

Thanks,

Tanya :cry:

lrcantrell · 08-02-2004, 09:54 PM

Let me tell you this from experience, if you wait for the "right" time to get pregnant, the "right" time will never come along! We were doing the same thing and then just decided to go for it and try. Well, we got pregnant, signed for a new house and then my dh company went out of business all within 3 months of getting pregnant. We thought we'd had the perfect timing, turns out we ended up stressing over what we'd just done. In the end though, he was on furlough and ds#2 got to spend his entire first year with his daddy home. Guess what I'm trying to say is that there never is a right time and the pieces just seem to fall into place somehow and everything ends up working out. If you can't afford a house right now, why not rent a 2 bedroom for a few years and build up more of a downpayment? Another way to look at it is that you'll be pregnant for 9 months, the baby would stay in your room for about 3 months after that so you wouldn't even need the second bedroom for another year after getting pregnant.

TheWife · 08-02-2004, 10:12 PM

I say go for it. Make it work. Do what you have to. You can cut back your expenses soooo much if you really want to. I hope you get pg the first time but you never know, especially after being on bc for awhile. So I'd say get working on it but in the mean time save everything you can, make sure you have the money you need for the hospital bill and whatever other baby stuff you need, and then if there is enough left over you can start looking at condos etc. The rewards of having a baby, especially when I can tell how bad you want it, will far out weigh any financial sacrifies you have to make. Good luck!

Kristie · 08-02-2004, 11:05 PM

i agree so far.. except when it comes to the rewards of having baby outweighing the financial aspects...

yes, you can make it work by scrimping, saving, being frugal & cutting coupons etc.. but at least have the major purchases out of the way.. make sure you have at least 1 car that can be used for the next 3-5 years or so (and only 1 car payment is best)... and honestly, i'd plan on getting that condo/house first before having baby. you need downpayment for the house and you need to show the creditor that you can afford the house - being a DINK during that process helps with the credit report scores and may afford you the opportunity to buy more house for a lower interest rate (being a new parent doesn't always look favorable to creditors from what i've heard). At least you'd have a place to call your own, equity building as you live there and the condo/house would help with lowering your taxes thereby saving you money each year to spend on the baby expenses.

By having baby and staying in an apartment, your essentially throwing the rent money down the toilet AND spending money on baby KWIM?! plus, it'll take you longer to move from renting to owning.

the nice thing about owning your own home is that the equity builds up.. and over time, you can upgrade from a condo to a house or a small house to a bigger house quicker using that equity. As a couple with 1 baby, you can get a 2 bedroom house/condo and it'd be sufficient till you go for baby #2...just make sure you remember the 3 famous words which will help you gain more equity faster *location, location, location*

I'd also *try* and get any debts as low as you can go, it's much easier living debt free with kids than having to pay credit cards as well KWIM? But if you have a lot of debt, don't worry about it too much.. we all live with it and as long as you continue to pay over minimum per month, it'll go down on it's own in time! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

the most important thing is that you "want" kids and in that sense, i'd say don't wait for the right time or for the finances to be *just perfect*... just make sure your financially stable enough with decent transportation and equitable shelter...during the first few years, you don't want to be stressing on having to make any major purchases while junior is going from size 6mo to a size 12mo in a matter of 6 total months!

Keep in mind that you want to bring baby into the best possible setting you can afford and IMO, it makes a difference.

Hope this helps some - from the non-kiddo perspective (at this time). [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

jamauk · 08-02-2004, 11:52 PM

I know everyone has heard that old saying "don't wait until you can afford kids, because you can NEVER afford them." In a sense that's true. Not because they are so expensive, but there just always seems to be SOMETHING. Wait until the debt is paid off...well, now we could use a new car...well wouldn't it be nice to own a home first?...etc.

We were living in a very comfortable three bedroom home when we found out I was pregnant. We decided that I would be a SAHM and then my husband got an interview with a new airline. We sold the house and moved into a two bedroom apartment until we knew exactly what the future was going to hold (was I really going to stay home? did the new job mean a move?). I'm very sentimental and I was so bummed at first that we didn't have the "perfect" nursery to bring the baby home to (because it was a rental). But like someone else said, the baby was in our room for the first 6 mos...so the nursery didn't even matter.

In the end, it didn't matter where we lived. We were surviving on the money we had and we loved one another and were happy.

My mom has always told me: Things will work out in the end. So far that has held true for me. I believe that in part you make your own destiny and a positive attitude can get you far!

Good luck in whatever you decide!

skibum515 · 08-03-2004, 07:36 AM

Something else to think about real quick, is that Novi is a super expensive place to live, and you would probably be able to get a larger place for the same price, if not cheaper over in plymouth, canton, ypsi or some of the other suburbs around here (not ann arbor though :? )

good luck!

Bigsweetie · 08-05-2004, 10:13 PM

Thank you to everyone for your responses... you have given me a lot to think about.

Skibum - as much as i'd like to stay in Novi I know we can't. You're right about the prices of homes out here!! We really want to move farther east near my mother - and future babysitter [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Kristie - you made alot of good points!! We've started talking to mortgage companies already! Luckily we've recently paid off all of DH's credit card debt from college (Yeah!!!!!), however it seems to have lowered his credit score a little (because he now has NO credit cards in his name - we're about to change that... but only using it for gas and paying it off each month). He still has an excellent credit score though.

Jamauk - you're story hit home with me... life is so unpredictable!!

Long story short - we're going to attempt to get a small home and also have a kid. My mother offered to babysit anytime I need her to and my dad owns his own business and said I can work for him anytime. I also think we're going to try that ebay thing (at least we're going to look into it) so if any of you do ebay - PLEASE PM ME!!

Thanks again for all the advice!

Take care,

Tanya

Kristie · 08-08-2004, 09:59 PM

sounds like a good plan! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

08-02-2004, 09:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,561 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Help!! Don\'t know what to do!! Hey girls, I have a dilemma. DH and I have been married for 1yr. 3mo. We are both turning 31 this year. We currently live in a 1-bedroom apt. DH is an FO for a regional (about 22K/yr)and I work full time (I don't make much more than DH). We DESPERATELY want to have a child. We both feel ready and I have had baby fever for over a year now. We would like to buy a small house or condo next year, but don't know if we can afford both a baby AND a condo. We can afford a two bedroom apt., if necessary I just don't know if we're doing the right thing. We want to start trying later this month (not charting, just no BC). DH may possibly be getting an upgrade later this year or early next (no guarantee) which would mean financial security for the first time ever!!! Normally I would wait to see if he gets an upgrade or not, but honestly everytime I think about waiting another year I can't stop crying. I'm sure you all remember what it was like when DH made very little money... i'm trying to be patient, but I feel like we've put so much on hold for so many years waiting for things to get better financially. I know that 31 is not too old to have a child, but I really feel like we need to get started. We definitely want more than one child; i've already had 1/2 of one of my ovaries removed a few years ago; and my family history shows most of the women in my family needing a hysterectomy in there late 30's, or early 40's (anemia disorder - which i have). Sorry this is so long... I just need some advice about this. Do I do the responsible thing and wait to see what happens with DH's career (which may be nothing) or do we forge ahead and go for it!! Please help!! Thanks, Tanya :cry:

08-02-2004, 09:54 PM	#2 (permalink)
lrcantrell Jetgirls Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: California Posts: 128 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help!! Don\'t know what to do!! Let me tell you this from experience, if you wait for the "right" time to get pregnant, the "right" time will never come along! We were doing the same thing and then just decided to go for it and try. Well, we got pregnant, signed for a new house and then my dh company went out of business all within 3 months of getting pregnant. We thought we'd had the perfect timing, turns out we ended up stressing over what we'd just done. In the end though, he was on furlough and ds#2 got to spend his entire first year with his daddy home. Guess what I'm trying to say is that there never is a right time and the pieces just seem to fall into place somehow and everything ends up working out. If you can't afford a house right now, why not rent a 2 bedroom for a few years and build up more of a downpayment? Another way to look at it is that you'll be pregnant for 9 months, the baby would stay in your room for about 3 months after that so you wouldn't even need the second bedroom for another year after getting pregnant.

08-02-2004, 10:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
TheWife Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 1,264 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: Help!! Don\'t know what to do!! I say go for it. Make it work. Do what you have to. You can cut back your expenses soooo much if you really want to. I hope you get pg the first time but you never know, especially after being on bc for awhile. So I'd say get working on it but in the mean time save everything you can, make sure you have the money you need for the hospital bill and whatever other baby stuff you need, and then if there is enough left over you can start looking at condos etc. The rewards of having a baby, especially when I can tell how bad you want it, will far out weigh any financial sacrifies you have to make. Good luck!

08-02-2004, 11:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,630 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts	Re: Help!! Don\'t know what to do!! i agree so far.. except when it comes to the rewards of having baby outweighing the financial aspects... yes, you can make it work by scrimping, saving, being frugal & cutting coupons etc.. but at least have the major purchases out of the way.. make sure you have at least 1 car that can be used for the next 3-5 years or so (and only 1 car payment is best)... and honestly, i'd plan on getting that condo/house first before having baby. you need downpayment for the house and you need to show the creditor that you can afford the house - being a DINK during that process helps with the credit report scores and may afford you the opportunity to buy more house for a lower interest rate (being a new parent doesn't always look favorable to creditors from what i've heard). At least you'd have a place to call your own, equity building as you live there and the condo/house would help with lowering your taxes thereby saving you money each year to spend on the baby expenses. By having baby and staying in an apartment, your essentially throwing the rent money down the toilet AND spending money on baby KWIM?! plus, it'll take you longer to move from renting to owning. the nice thing about owning your own home is that the equity builds up.. and over time, you can upgrade from a condo to a house or a small house to a bigger house quicker using that equity. As a couple with 1 baby, you can get a 2 bedroom house/condo and it'd be sufficient till you go for baby #2...just make sure you remember the 3 famous words which will help you gain more equity faster location, location, location I'd also try and get any debts as low as you can go, it's much easier living debt free with kids than having to pay credit cards as well KWIM? But if you have a lot of debt, don't worry about it too much.. we all live with it and as long as you continue to pay over minimum per month, it'll go down on it's own in time! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] the most important thing is that you "want" kids and in that sense, i'd say don't wait for the right time or for the finances to be just perfect... just make sure your financially stable enough with decent transportation and equitable shelter...during the first few years, you don't want to be stressing on having to make any major purchases while junior is going from size 6mo to a size 12mo in a matter of 6 total months! Keep in mind that you want to bring baby into the best possible setting you can afford and IMO, it makes a difference. Hope this helps some - from the non-kiddo perspective (at this time). [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

08-02-2004, 11:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
jamauk Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Poulsbo, WA Posts: 257 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help!! Don\'t know what to do!! I know everyone has heard that old saying "don't wait until you can afford kids, because you can NEVER afford them." In a sense that's true. Not because they are so expensive, but there just always seems to be SOMETHING. Wait until the debt is paid off...well, now we could use a new car...well wouldn't it be nice to own a home first?...etc. We were living in a very comfortable three bedroom home when we found out I was pregnant. We decided that I would be a SAHM and then my husband got an interview with a new airline. We sold the house and moved into a two bedroom apartment until we knew exactly what the future was going to hold (was I really going to stay home? did the new job mean a move?). I'm very sentimental and I was so bummed at first that we didn't have the "perfect" nursery to bring the baby home to (because it was a rental). But like someone else said, the baby was in our room for the first 6 mos...so the nursery didn't even matter. In the end, it didn't matter where we lived. We were surviving on the money we had and we loved one another and were happy. My mom has always told me: Things will work out in the end. So far that has held true for me. I believe that in part you make your own destiny and a positive attitude can get you far! Good luck in whatever you decide!

08-03-2004, 07:36 AM	#6 (permalink)
skibum515 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Park City Posts: 1,247 Recipes: Thanks: 2 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts	Re: Help!! Don\'t know what to do!! Something else to think about real quick, is that Novi is a super expensive place to live, and you would probably be able to get a larger place for the same price, if not cheaper over in plymouth, canton, ypsi or some of the other suburbs around here (not ann arbor though :? ) good luck!

08-05-2004, 10:13 PM	#7 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,561 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Help!! Don\'t know what to do!! Thank you to everyone for your responses... you have given me a lot to think about. Skibum - as much as i'd like to stay in Novi I know we can't. You're right about the prices of homes out here!! We really want to move farther east near my mother - and future babysitter [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Kristie - you made alot of good points!! We've started talking to mortgage companies already! Luckily we've recently paid off all of DH's credit card debt from college (Yeah!!!!!), however it seems to have lowered his credit score a little (because he now has NO credit cards in his name - we're about to change that... but only using it for gas and paying it off each month). He still has an excellent credit score though. Jamauk - you're story hit home with me... life is so unpredictable!! Long story short - we're going to attempt to get a small home and also have a kid. My mother offered to babysit anytime I need her to and my dad owns his own business and said I can work for him anytime. I also think we're going to try that ebay thing (at least we're going to look into it) so if any of you do ebay - PLEASE PM ME!! Thanks again for all the advice! Take care, Tanya

08-08-2004, 09:59 PM	#8 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,630 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts	Re: Help!! Don\'t know what to do!! sounds like a good plan! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

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