Help! - I don't think I'm cut out for this... - Page 3

BethanY. · 10-10-2006, 03:20 PM

thank-you all. the info so far is really great. we definitely have and continue to strive for equality in our relationship, which is why i have been prepared to handle whatever comes my way while he takes on school and this new career but right now we've decided to weigh everything and decide if aviation is the best route for BOTH of us as opposed to just him. of course, i do very much know that it *is* for both of us in the long run, but hopefully you know what i mean. anyway, he's so wonderful about everything. i would NEVER ask him not to go this route because i firmly believe that you have to do what you're passionate about. with that said, however, he does have other options that interest him as well so futher pursuing this is not a *must* (as in he could be just as happy strictly doing it recreationally). that is why i am trying to figure out.....is it worth it??? some say yes, some say not. how about this - if your SO did not have a need for this as his career, would you be relieved/glad/thrilled, etc to see him go a different route??? just tossing questions around, i guess that may be too rhetorical to fully answer(?).

Kristie · 10-10-2006, 04:29 PM

well, DH and I have been together for almost 13 yrs (4 yr married) and to tell you the truth, he'd been home for 3 weeks due to bidding good and vacation and this week, he's gone back to work and i'm kinda happy about it.. hahaha

you go thru the turmoil of change, of learning things like patience and then you just get used to the riggamaroll of how "it" works by then it's just part of daily life. I can't see him doing anything else unless it's working on websites or website programming but i know he wouldn't be as happy as he is with his office in the clouds. I do think the only thing he would love to get rid of is the politics of the company. if that were gone, things would probably be hunky dory.

I think if he decided to get out of the airline business, i'd have to go into it just to keep the travel junky in me going and to get my "me time".. cuz i really enjoy my alone time and i get a heck of a lot done!! plus, our quality of life is better in that we miss each other all the time and everything is about "quality of time", not quantity. I think we'd lose some of that if we both had a 9-5 job.

missjenny · 10-10-2006, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethanY.

if your SO did not have a need for this as his career, would you be relieved/glad/thrilled, etc to see him go a different route???

Sure, there are times I think how much easier life would be if DH quit the airline industry and took a more "traditional" job. I know, though, that being stuck behind a desk isn't what makes him tick. DH has been fascinated by airplanes since he was a child, and who am I to tell him that he can't go after his dreams? Yes- there are days when I'm bitter that we sacrifice so much but see so little in return. Yes- there are times when I get upset that I see more of my landlord than of my husband. But deep down I know I would be very sad to see him leave his career, especially if it was due to me. Its so rare these days that someone gets paid to do something that they love, and I'm willing to compromise a little on my part to make sure he's happy.

At least, that's what I try to tell myself every day!

Bigsweetie · 10-10-2006, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethanY.

if your SO did not have a need for this as his career, would you be relieved/glad/thrilled, etc to see him go a different route??? just tossing questions around, i guess that may be too rhetorical to fully answer(?).

If my DH didn't have an absolute urge/calling to do this, i'd say run, and run fast!

This career has too many bumps, the pay is crap, the schedule is crap, you get treated like well.... crap!

I'm supportive of my husbands career because he loves it and I know that it's his calling in life. I handle all of the above because I love him.

If your SO isn't 100% passionate about being a pilot for a living, trust me, he won't make it very far anyway. Most people realize pretty early on (some earlier than others) that this career choice is a HARD ROAD and it takes a serious life long commitement to be successful.

Sounds like your SO needs to ask himself some questions. This is an expensive career to get into.

But even if he decides that he just wants to fly recreationally, I hope you stick around and get to know us more...

Smiles!!

thisreallysucks · 10-11-2006, 11:10 PM

I'm new here but I just wanted to add my two cents... I understand where you're coming from all too well. Unfortunately, my story does not have a happy ending. I married a mechanic 10 years ago who, during my pregnancy decided he wanted to be a pilot. When our little girl was 10 months old, he left me. After 6 months of the "single pilot's life" he decided maybe he had blown it, BIG TIME! We got back together and have dealt with the ups and downs okay. He has been a corporate pilot for various individuals/companies for nearly 8 years now. He decided about a year ago that perhaps he could fly seasonally in Alaska... I have two children from a prior so moving to AK was not an option, I would never give up my children to follow my husband's dream. Soooo, he flew last fall then came home. Then he took a job in AK for this summer and lo and behold, was offered yet another job based in Sitka. You can probably imagine, from your relationship with a pilot, that he chose to take it. He has been gone since mid-May and has not come home... needless to say I discovered the long, late phone calls with the other woman (tho both deny any physical contact, let me tell you from experience that an emotional affair is far more devastating) and he has now asked for a divorce. I don't mean to imply that all relationships with pilots end up this way, I know that mine was a unique circumstance, but all I've seen so far on this site is the 'hang in there, it'll get better' posts... my reality has been far different. Being left with 3 children, a sizeable mortgage and a broken heart really does suck. I believe there's a reason the acronym A.I.D.S is so prevalent in the pilot community (Airplane Induced Divorce Syndrome). May your story have a much happier ending than mine, good luck and God Bless You

HeatherCarpenter · 10-12-2006, 03:53 PM

Wow this thread is really depressing. If I can survive my husband being in the Navy and being gone for 6 month deployments (to the persian gulf I might add) then certainly folks here can make it with their husbands being gone for a week at a time. It is a state of mind, and a willingness of both parties to make the marriage WORK!

I'm quite excited about my husband's career. He has been a flight instuctor in the central valley for the past year, he lived there during the week and came home on the weekend, we just went on a wonderful cruise for our 5 year wedding anniversary. We are committed to making our marriage work and our faith keeps us strong. We are both purusing our passions, his job allows me to live anywhere I want and right now we are choosing to live close to family in the Bay Area. I love my work and I am able to have evening meetings and network with colleagues so I can excel in my career. I love my husband, I love being able to finacially support him, and I love my freedom. Children will come later...after I have achieved all of my career goals.

Kristie · 10-12-2006, 05:03 PM

see, i think the same way...there are women out there that have it way worse than our guys do - military wives are a perfect example!!

The going really gets tough when your not communicating enough or your taking things forgranted. In our lifestyle, thing like what 9-5 families deal with can't be afforded..we can't afford to take anything forgranted or to just NOT communicate even if we ARE having a PMS type day...you have to pick your battles and figure out what's really important that has to be rectified when it's needed.

marriage is tough...it takes work and it takes compromise on both side of the coin - however, when one side of the coin isn't talking or cooperating with the other side, that's when problems start slipping in.

Personally, i don't believe in AIDS anymore...simply because it seems that the top 5 reasons for divorce can happen to anyone anywhere, any job, any field...

personally, i think being married to a pilot takes a long of strength...it certainly does help you stay on your toes marraige wise

i2r2 · 10-13-2006, 09:14 AM

Heather,

I respect where you are coming from and agree... to a point. We all need perspective and that is what you provided. Some people have it worse, some better. I don't like it when my husband is gone but that is the life we have choosen and it isn't healthy or beneficial to always question that and complain.

On the other hand... sometimes I find it easier when my husband is gone for longer stretches. I get into a routine with my kids and we do just fine but when he comes home it can mess with my schedule and I really have to try to just go with it. Then we start all over again when he leaves. When he is coming and going more frequently it makes it really hard to have a "normal" life. I would miss him terribly if he was gone for 6 months but in some ways that would be easier than what we do now.

Like I said, it is all about perspective and we need to learn to work with and appreciate what we have.

BTW - welcome to the forum!

10-10-2006, 03:20 PM	#21 (permalink)
BethanY. Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Detroit, Michigan, USA Posts: 18 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help! - I don't think I'm cut out for this... thank-you all. the info so far is really great. we definitely have and continue to strive for equality in our relationship, which is why i have been prepared to handle whatever comes my way while he takes on school and this new career but right now we've decided to weigh everything and decide if aviation is the best route for BOTH of us as opposed to just him. of course, i do very much know that it is for both of us in the long run, but hopefully you know what i mean. anyway, he's so wonderful about everything. i would NEVER ask him not to go this route because i firmly believe that you have to do what you're passionate about. with that said, however, he does have other options that interest him as well so futher pursuing this is not a must (as in he could be just as happy strictly doing it recreationally). that is why i am trying to figure out.....is it worth it??? some say yes, some say not. how about this - if your SO did not have a need for this as his career, would you be relieved/glad/thrilled, etc to see him go a different route??? just tossing questions around, i guess that may be too rhetorical to fully answer(?). __________________ i miss my husband: started ATP atlanta 12.3.07! also, i am not a capricorn, but an aquarius all the way

10-10-2006, 04:29 PM	#22 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,630 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts	Re: Help! - I don't think I'm cut out for this... well, DH and I have been together for almost 13 yrs (4 yr married) and to tell you the truth, he'd been home for 3 weeks due to bidding good and vacation and this week, he's gone back to work and i'm kinda happy about it.. hahaha you go thru the turmoil of change, of learning things like patience and then you just get used to the riggamaroll of how "it" works by then it's just part of daily life. I can't see him doing anything else unless it's working on websites or website programming but i know he wouldn't be as happy as he is with his office in the clouds. I do think the only thing he would love to get rid of is the politics of the company. if that were gone, things would probably be hunky dory. I think if he decided to get out of the airline business, i'd have to go into it just to keep the travel junky in me going and to get my "me time".. cuz i really enjoy my alone time and i get a heck of a lot done!! plus, our quality of life is better in that we miss each other all the time and everything is about "quality of time", not quantity. I think we'd lose some of that if we both had a 9-5 job. __________________ www.jetcareers.com

10-11-2006, 11:10 PM	#25 (permalink)
thisreallysucks New Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: idaho Posts: 1 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help! - I don't think I'm cut out for this... I'm new here but I just wanted to add my two cents... I understand where you're coming from all too well. Unfortunately, my story does not have a happy ending. I married a mechanic 10 years ago who, during my pregnancy decided he wanted to be a pilot. When our little girl was 10 months old, he left me. After 6 months of the "single pilot's life" he decided maybe he had blown it, BIG TIME! We got back together and have dealt with the ups and downs okay. He has been a corporate pilot for various individuals/companies for nearly 8 years now. He decided about a year ago that perhaps he could fly seasonally in Alaska... I have two children from a prior so moving to AK was not an option, I would never give up my children to follow my husband's dream. Soooo, he flew last fall then came home. Then he took a job in AK for this summer and lo and behold, was offered yet another job based in Sitka. You can probably imagine, from your relationship with a pilot, that he chose to take it. He has been gone since mid-May and has not come home... needless to say I discovered the long, late phone calls with the other woman (tho both deny any physical contact, let me tell you from experience that an emotional affair is far more devastating) and he has now asked for a divorce. I don't mean to imply that all relationships with pilots end up this way, I know that mine was a unique circumstance, but all I've seen so far on this site is the 'hang in there, it'll get better' posts... my reality has been far different. Being left with 3 children, a sizeable mortgage and a broken heart really does suck. I believe there's a reason the acronym A.I.D.S is so prevalent in the pilot community (Airplane Induced Divorce Syndrome). May your story have a much happier ending than mine, good luck and God Bless You

10-12-2006, 03:53 PM	#26 (permalink)
HeatherCarpenter New Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Lafayette, CA Posts: 3 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help! - I don't think I'm cut out for this... Wow this thread is really depressing. If I can survive my husband being in the Navy and being gone for 6 month deployments (to the persian gulf I might add) then certainly folks here can make it with their husbands being gone for a week at a time. It is a state of mind, and a willingness of both parties to make the marriage WORK! I'm quite excited about my husband's career. He has been a flight instuctor in the central valley for the past year, he lived there during the week and came home on the weekend, we just went on a wonderful cruise for our 5 year wedding anniversary. We are committed to making our marriage work and our faith keeps us strong. We are both purusing our passions, his job allows me to live anywhere I want and right now we are choosing to live close to family in the Bay Area. I love my work and I am able to have evening meetings and network with colleagues so I can excel in my career. I love my husband, I love being able to finacially support him, and I love my freedom. Children will come later...after I have achieved all of my career goals.

10-12-2006, 05:03 PM	#27 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,630 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts	Re: Help! - I don't think I'm cut out for this... see, i think the same way...there are women out there that have it way worse than our guys do - military wives are a perfect example!! The going really gets tough when your not communicating enough or your taking things forgranted. In our lifestyle, thing like what 9-5 families deal with can't be afforded..we can't afford to take anything forgranted or to just NOT communicate even if we ARE having a PMS type day...you have to pick your battles and figure out what's really important that has to be rectified when it's needed. marriage is tough...it takes work and it takes compromise on both side of the coin - however, when one side of the coin isn't talking or cooperating with the other side, that's when problems start slipping in. Personally, i don't believe in AIDS anymore...simply because it seems that the top 5 reasons for divorce can happen to anyone anywhere, any job, any field... personally, i think being married to a pilot takes a long of strength...it certainly does help you stay on your toes marraige wise __________________ www.jetcareers.com Last edited by Kristie; 10-12-2006 at 05:07 PM.

10-13-2006, 09:14 AM	#28 (permalink)
i2r2 Jetgirls Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: MI Posts: 43 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help! - I don't think I'm cut out for this... Heather, I respect where you are coming from and agree... to a point. We all need perspective and that is what you provided. Some people have it worse, some better. I don't like it when my husband is gone but that is the life we have choosen and it isn't healthy or beneficial to always question that and complain. On the other hand... sometimes I find it easier when my husband is gone for longer stretches. I get into a routine with my kids and we do just fine but when he comes home it can mess with my schedule and I really have to try to just go with it. Then we start all over again when he leaves. When he is coming and going more frequently it makes it really hard to have a "normal" life. I would miss him terribly if he was gone for 6 months but in some ways that would be easier than what we do now. Like I said, it is all about perspective and we need to learn to work with and appreciate what we have. BTW - welcome to the forum!

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