Newlywed pilot wife seeking communication advice

[UPSwife]

Hello. I am as the title suggests, a newlywed (7-27-05--at least he will remember the anniversary since it is a plane). I lived with my husband for about a year before we were married, but am having some trouble adjusting & dealing with the amount of time he is away from home. I decided I needed to network with others who understand the position. I mean even when others "understand" they really don't get it. I am a high school English teacher in Louisville, KY and I am working on my Master's degree right now. My husband works for UPS. He flies the MD-11 which means his flights are usually international. I am interested in any advice that people have about how you keep in touch while your husbands are away--cell phones? Pre-paid calling cards? E-mail? Internet phone calls? I am particularly interested in overseas travel--I have never travelled abroad and don't know how difficult any of these things are. I know that between his crazy flight hours and hours of difference in time zones that we are having trouble staying connected.

[rgphib]

Welcome to the board.

I don't have any advice for international travel, sorry. But I have been married to my pilot husband for 3 years but we have been together for 9 years (6.5 of which he has been flying for Continental Express). It is not an easy life style, but it is the only life we know. At times it sucks, I will admit that. But if you love someone, it doesn't matter, you overcome the obstacles. We use the cell phone to keep in touch. I am not sure how that will work if you DH does the international route alot....you'll have to check with your carriers. DH calls all the time when he is away. He usually does 4-days. He commutes from NH to Cleveland, which sucks, but we like living in NH. I honestly think we talk to each other at least 5-8 times a day when he is gone. Sometimes to just say hello and I love you. These boards are a great way to talk, listen and vent about what you are going through. We all know how it is, even when your friends and family don't really understand

I am also a teacher. I teach 8th grade Earth/Space Science. I have been teaching for 6 years. I just finished my Masters in May. What are you getting your masters in? I did mine all online...I got it in Technology in Education. It was hard work, but I enjoyed every minute of it.

At least your masters work will take eat up your time when your husband is away. I made a rule that I only did my school work when DH was away. That worked most of the time, so it really did keep me busy. Now that I am done, I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe I'll take some more classes! Since I have been teaching the same curriculum for 6 years, I don't have much planning to do at home anymore and I do most of my grading in school (when I can).

Again, welcome!

Robyn

[roz]

Welcome UPSwife (soon you'll feel comfortable to tell us your name, cause this is a great bunch of supportive people!).

I'm assuming since he is flying UPS, he isn't on extended overnights. I know people at World and they are gone for 17 days straight or more.

My DH flies a lot of international. So far Verizon has been good--but that's just because it seems to work for his areas. We don't touch base more than once a day though. I'm usually too busy at work to talk or not there and it goes to voice mail! I'm sure UPS has pilot web boards where they can give more specific info though. Lurker on our board might have helpful info too!

We've been at this game since 1990 (not counting other pre-employment by airline time dating back to 1980), so I'm a bit used to the routine! We act like newlyweds though! Does that count for anything?

OK so school is done, Robyn--YAY! What about volunteering? Does your community have an educational foundation? I volunteered on ours for years! It was fabulous! I made lifelong friends!

[UPSwife]

Thank you both for your replies. My name is Felicia, by the way. I am working on my master's in Reading Education (although I considered technology since all of my students have laptops).

As for the extended overnights, when he travels internationally, the trips range from 9-14 days. Within that time he usually hits mutiple countries (and back and forth) before returning home. He does also get lucky sometimes and gets domestic flights which are only 4-5 days at a time. I will have him check on the pilot boards--he lives on those. That is what gave me the idea to come here.

The thing is, I want to talk to him everyday--regardless of what country he is in--but, I think he feels this is frivolous. I start thinking all kinds of crazy things when he is away and I haven't talked to him for a few days.

Well, thanks...it is past my bedtime...

[Kristie]

Hi Felicia, welcome aboard!!

My dh doesn't travel overseas yet but he's starting to look into the ER routes now that he's getting bored with domestic.

but whenever we travel overseas (about once a month), we take our cellphones and either text message or send photo messages back overseas - it's a bit more costly because of the whole international aspect - but it does the trick because talking via cell while overseas can get way more expensive than just sending a simple text message.

Anyways, does he fly to europe more often because if he's flying into germany or that surrounding area, he could look into getting a t-mobile phone (deutschtelecom over in germany) and getting a t-mobile sim card over there which would help keep the costs lower...

or whereever he flys to more often, have him get a cellphone from that area or even a prepaid cellphone (I think they have those overthere)...

All of the ideas you mentioned above are all great ideas for communication - each one of them will do the trick..and the nice thing about text/photo messages and email is that it can be sent anytime and you'll still get the feeling of staying in touch...

I know it's gotta be difficult with the time changes and all - plus he probably doesn't get a 32 hr layover while there - how long is a normal layover for him?

any chance you can fly with him or meet him over there? do UPS spouses get a spouse card to travel abroad?

I'd say just try to talk once a day for 2 minutes even if it is just to hear a voice on the other end, heavy breathing or what not! haha

he should understand that communication is everything in keeping a marriage afloat! even if it is deemed "frivolous", it's a worthwhile cause...worthy enough to talk about and look into...

Again, welcome to the board!! It's wonderful to get another freight wife on board with a fresh perspective of the differing lifestyles!!

[Lurker]

Hey Felicia,
I'm not married and I'm doing the long distance thing with my BF who flies some awful international double shuttles (Australia - singapore - london - singapore - london - singapore - Australia)...we sms and email...there are lists out there for pilots of free wireless hotspots around the world so if he has a PDA he can connect via them. You might also want to look into skype.com intenet phoning.

[MQAAord]

Sorry you're having trouble adjusting to the schedule. You said you lived with him for a year before you got married, was the schedule an issue then, too? Or is this something that has only started bothering you since you've been married?

Really, I think the only way to really be 'used to it' is to give it time.

[UPSwife]

Thanks again for the advice. DH is in town and has mentioned the skype thing before. I think that might be a good option. As for the other question, this didn't really bother me until we were married. I guess I just didn't feel that I needed to talk to him every day. However now we share expenses, finances, etc. & need answers to questions. I also guess I always assumed I would speak to my husband every day (even before I knew who that would be), but did not feel that way about a boyfriend. I really appreciate everyone's advice and I am sure I will have many more reasons to use this forum.