To move or not to move

[fly-girl]

I am wondering if any of you out there have gone through the same thing as me or if any of you have any advice. My DH is based in Houston and we live in the Cincinnati area. My DH has commuted for about four years. The first year that he worked for CoEx, he had an apartment in Houston with a couple of other friends that he met when he was in training. All of his family is from the Cincinnati area whereas I have a couple of friends and a sister that lives about an hour away. It makes sense to me to live in Houston but i think that is mostly because i crave stability and consistency in my life. I think commuting stresses me out more than my DH. My DH on the other hand pretty much lives by the seat of his pants. The commute to work rarely bothers him except for the few times when flights are overbooked or weather is bad, etc.

On one particular evening my DH was having a horrible time trying to get down to Houston to start a 4-day the next morning. At that point we talked about the possibility of moving to Houston and how nice it would be for him not to have to commute. So, on a whim I applied for a job at the University of Houston and what do you know? i got a call for an interview!! I was very excited about it but then I told my DH and he hates the idea of moving to Houston. It is such a great opportunity but I don't want to move to Houston if he is going to be miserable.

I think it is so odd that the tables are turned in this situation. I thought DH would be ecstatic that he wouldn't have to commute and that he would be happy that i was willing to move. But he's not excited about moving at all so i feel like I have to pass up a great opportunity. i know that marriage is all about give and take but it just stinks that i may pass this up.

I myself go back and forth about wanting to move to Houston. I like the idea of living in Cincinnati when we have kids because we will have a lot of family around so hopefully they will be a big help. In Houston, I would be on my own. What kinds of experiences have you ladies had? For those of you who do live where your DH is based, do you find it difficult to take care of the kids while he is gone? I would not be able to be a stay at home mom so I'm wondering if that will make a big difference if we moved to his base. Questions, questions. I would love to hear anyones advice and opinions.

[Kristie]

Did you go to the interview? if not, you should at least go to the interview and see what the scoop is and if it's a move up or what not - plus see if they'll pay for moving expenses...Do you like houston? they have really poor zoning and a ton of refinery's everywhere/smell of oil/high pollution (something to be aware of), but other than that, it seems like a nice city.

In our situation - when doug was in the regionals, we talked a lot about how to work the living arrangements and how to work the commute out and knowing that most pilots move bases A LOT (based on equipment, base closure, bases moving etc etc), we decided that we would never live in a base city and that we would "work to live" vs "live to work", which to us means -> if you don't have to/want to live there, don't and commute to work...so that meant jotting down our top ten cities, visiting each one and choosing one for a permanent home. our first two were vegas & phoenix... we came to phoenix and i knew this was where i wanted to live...and went about finding a job right then and there.. 6 months later - poof, uhauling it across country!

we didn't want to have to move around all the time - the stress of moving, buying houses, selling houses.. checking mortgage companies, packing, being unhappy in a city you don't even like nor really want to live at for a long period of time, didn't even appeal to me at all.. so that was never even part of the decision process.

If you like houston...then there's nothing wrong with moving there.. if your moving there just cuz DH is based there - I think, IMO, that it's the wrong thing to do...you have to like where your going to live...plus, the though of bases moving or closing.. or DH moving equipment, thereby moving bases just makes it sooo much easier for you to move to the base city and then poof, he gets an upgrade and a base move to a different city... what then? will you move again just cuz he changes bases?

I can understand the stability issue, but you'd be surprised just how stable commuting can be after a while! esp when you like where you live... it's becomes a "natural" process and you get used to it.

now.. if the job offer is that good that you want to move down there.. then the job itself (YOUR job - because it's not as portable as his) is worth the move.

it's up to you, but honestly speaking, i feel bad for the wives & mom's out there who move to DH's base - just so he doesn't have to commute & he's home a few hours longer - and then up and have to move AGAIN when DH changes bases....I know of a lady who recently had that happen - wanted DH to not have to commute anymore/more time with kids, sold house, bought house in DFW, moved to dallas, week later (nobody told them!), DAL announced shut down dallas base, selling house, bought new house, now they're on their way to moving to ATL since that's his new base.

the coveted thing in this lifestyle is the flexibility.. you have the - opportunity - to live ANYWHERE you want to live in the US - so long as DH is near a major airport and can hop a jet to get to work...MY/YOUR/OUR job is the deciding factor when we move because it's not as portable as being a pilto is and cuz all he has to do is get to an airport....that's what made it so EASY to choose to live where WE'D be the happiest and where MY job is worth living there. after 5 years, our way of "working the system" has really given back 120%. We still feel like we just moved here and still have no want to move.

Hope this helps a bit! [img]images/graemlins/0712.gif[/img]

[MQAAord]

I commuted for 6 months between Indy & LGA/JFK. It was a horrible suck-ass commute, but the thought of living in NY made me physically ill. So I put up with the commute so we could stay in DH's apartment in IND. When we bought our house, we bought it for the HOUSE, it happened to be in Chicago, which I would have eventually been able to transfer to had I not gotten furloughed. ORD is not however, a Delta pilot base. So dh has no chance of ever being based there.

We are currently considering moving (buying a house) in Indy. We have not made a decision yet, but it's based on losing a third of his income, and a possible property tax increase. We would be moving closer to his family (farther from mine), and it just happens that it's close enough to CVG for him to be able to drive to work. We would not make this move based SOLELY on him not having to commute. If you want him to never commute, that's going to mean a LOT of moves over the course of his career. If we had moved everytime one of us changed bases (be it through going to a new company, new equipment, furlough, or base transfer) we would have moved 5 times now. No way. A commute can be a pain in the ass, but it's a worth-it pain in the ass most of the time. Live where you live because you want to live there, not just because it'll take away a commute.

[tlhrn]

If your DH has a lot of job security and seniority, i.e. he can hold his base AND you like the Houston area it makes sense to consider a move. We had the opposite experience. We were living in DHÃ*s base and when we got pregnant with our first child I did not want to raise my children without family around so we moved to the town where my husband grew up and he commutes. I should mention that my husband has switched jobs and as a result switched bases several times in the 2 Ω years since our son was born. We are expecting baby #2 in a few months and I cannot imagine following him around from base to base with the kids. ItÃ*s a tough decision! Good Luck!

[fly-girl]

Thanks to everyone for all of the insight. I did a lot of thinking the past two weeks and now we both feel very good about the decision we made about staying put where we are. When I really started to think about the possibility of moving to Houston, I started to freak out because I would be leaving such a great support system of family and friends that I have here. And now I have another interview lined up at another local university that would be a great change for me, not to mention a bigger paycheck.

[Kristie]

as long as your happy with the decision - that's all that matters!

let us know what happens with the interview!! [img]images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]