Did your families have a hard time understanding?

[Bigsweetie]

Hi All,
My family and DH's seem to have a hard time understanding that when DH is home (which is about 2 days a week; if that) that we can't/don't want to rush over to visit them all the time.

DH and I have only been married 1yr and 4mo. and our families act like DH has a 9-5 job and I see him everyday. They are constantly trying to get him/us to come over to fix things around the house, or just visit, etc...

All I want to do while DH is home is spend time with him, make sweet lovin' , and talk. Usually I have to work one of the days he's home, but he uses that time to get laundry done, logbook stuff, irreg. paysheets, etc. He doesn't have time to drive an hour each way to visit.

I have tried explaining this to them, but they just don't comprehend it!! We get together with these people at least once a month... how much more of our "newly married" time do these folks need!

Sorry to rant and rave, I was just wondering what you ladies did the first couple of years of your marriage. Were your families/friends demanding? Am I being selfish? I feel like his parents got him all to themselves for 30yrs. Can I please have some time alone with my husband?

thanks,

Tanya [img]/forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

[Kristie]

once a month should be more than fine! esp for a pilot!!

Doug's family completely understands.. because he doesn't get that much time at home and because he's been wanting to stay home all the time - he hasn't been over to visit in WAY too long...I'm trying to talk him into going over there now for part of his vacation and he just wants to STAY HOME....I think it's great that they're so understanding, but sometimes, i think it kind of hurts them in that he never gets the "well, you never come over anymore" type talk because something like that might light a fire under his a$$....

they should be more understanding.. if anything, have them come over everyday for a week and they'll start seeing that he really is NEVER home....

[lrcantrell]

That is definately one of the positives about our situation. Our closest family os 1400 miles away so we don't have to deal with that. My MIL was complaining last month that she doesn't get to see dh at all (even when they're here visiting he's usually out flying) so she kept dropping hints that he should take his next days off and fly out there to see them...NOT!!!! Luckily he got a layover in austin and my in-laws got to drive down and spend the evening with him so that satisfied her for awhile. You're right, they don't understand that we don't get to see them that often and when we do the last thing we want to do is go our seperate ways!!!

[TheWife]

I predict this will be a constant fight in the future so I am reading all the ways you guys handle this so I know what to do. Dh's parents live about 20 mintes from us and he sees them every day because he works for them. Yet if we don't all show up for Sunday dinner and every little family event, they get very offended. I can only imagine how mean they are going to get when they have to go a whole 5 days or so w/o seeing their precious little boy. I already know they will expect him to stop by their house as soon as he gets in.

[Kristie]

time to start working on them now and not waiting till later then Michelle!! the more they know about what his job will entail (being gone a lot), the easier they might handle the transition....

[FlightWife101]

I am sure you have heard this before, but you need to set boundaries.
I told my family straight out, I'm really sorry, but weekends are our time. We need to build our relationship, and with him gone all week, our only time together is the weekend. It took about 1.5 years of repeating this for them to back off, not want to come visit us or want us to drive up north all the time. It was easier because it was me telling my family.

Can you plan for your next "once a month" to be at a restuarant half way in between? This will cut down on how long you are expected to visit with them, and give you less of a drive time. During this get together, your husband needs to set the boundaries, maybe by saying, I know the next few weeks are going to be hectic so we will see you at Thanksgiving, if something around the house needs to get done, make a list and I will help you with it them.

[CaptainsWife]

No problem with our families really, but then mine is in AZ, we live in ID, and DH's are a minimum 8 hour drive away. My family pretty much understands that on DH's days off he does not want to be in AZ. I go to visit them mostly while he is on a trip.

[ERJwife]

Even after 9 years of this crazy, commutin' lifestyle, his family is still simply ASTONISHED when he has to miss a holiday at home, or won't be there "until later", or has to work a weekend day...

The worst part of it is the trauma-drama they put up... it makes him feel bad, and regretful of his decision to fly. Its the only time he voices those feelings, which, of course, peeves me to no end!

In the end, it usually works out, but, wow, you would think they'd get it by now!

[img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Erin

[Kristie]

some people just never get it...you have to fight and fight and fight with them, explaining over and over what the circumstances are and they just never get it!

what more can you do?

[fly-girl]

that is aggravating isn't it? for a while, my family thought I was crazy for dating a pilot because he was gone so much. some of them didn't understand it at all and thought DH was so rude for the type of career he picked where he had to be gone all the time. sheesh! now the the hardest thing for them to understand is why i don't want to fly home to see them every weekend when the only time I see DH is on weekends. i'm sure it will be a constant struggle/ battle but maybe they will eventually see the light.