Changes in hubby

Be a wife · 05-29-2008, 11:27 AM

Has anyone noticed a change in their hubby since he became a commercial pilot?

I have known mine since he was a student and he got the job about 2 years ago. It has changed his temperanment and aged him. It has also affected our sex life as he is always tired when he returns or he has an early morning flight the next day.

Has anyone had similar experiences and can you give me any advice?

Thanks

Londoner · 05-30-2008, 09:21 AM

Fatigue is certainly an unavoidable part of the job, and it does cause problems, I agree. We have double trouble, though, as my hours are odd, too, and we're often both tired. We often get cranky with each other.

Coping - well, I think it just boils down in the end to understanding. By that I mean anticipating when your other half is tired, and not expecting too much (I usually make an early dinner, and we head off to bed early), and making him feel special and loved, even though he's tired and grumpy. He does the same for me in return, so it's a two way thing, which is lovely.

And then, of course, on those occasions when you're not both knackered, make sure you make the most of it! We make hay while the sun shines - it's a philosophy we've both come to love!

Amanda · 05-30-2008, 07:11 PM

Yes, mine has changed a bit too. It feels like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders... but now that I think about it maybe he was like that before the airlines!

Nick's internal clock is always messed up and he is always tired, but that comes with flying to Europe all the time and doing the late flights. He sleeps during the day and stays up at night! He usually needs a day to get back to normal, but for the first day back he usually wants to relax and sleep.

Roxswood · 05-31-2008, 02:31 AM

We're only just starting out really but my hubby has changed the opposite really, before he started training I think he was very miserable in his job and feeling trapped by his wife and child into staying in it. He is a much much happier and more confident person now and we're a much closer couple.
Life is rather more stressful for both of us though, he just left for France this morning, we follow him on June 11th and in the meantime he has to find us all somewhere to live.

AnnaRose · 05-31-2008, 06:45 PM

When my BF was training he was under a lot of stress and that was really tough. I feel like he never gets good sleep though. Very rarely will he actually wake up and say he had a good nights rest. He is always tired when he has to do late night flights. I think a pilot's changing schedule makes it hard for them to get into a groove. What kind of flying does your DH do? Does he enjoy his lines?

Be a wife · 06-02-2008, 04:27 AM

Hi

Thanks to all of you for your kind replies. My DH flies shorthaul from London all around Europe but we live about 2 hours drive from London so he has to factor in the commute to his travelling. He then does about 3 or 4 sectors a day.

When he took the job he told me he would have 4 days on then 3 days off so I thought it would be ok but that is not the case! He only has about 1 or 2 days off a week and he has so much to cram in those days that we hardly get any quality time together.

It doesnt help that I work full time and his days off are usually on the weekdays so i'll be at work when he's off. Then when i'm off on weekends he's almost always away. Its impossible to make plans!

He tells me it will get better when he flies long haul as although he will be away for longer he will also be given more time off but his airline have type frozen him for another 4 years.

I am going away with him this weekend for the first time so it will be interesting to see what it is like for him.

AnnaRose · 06-02-2008, 06:53 PM

I can relate. Its frustrating when you have opposite schedules. From what I hear it gets better, so hang in there!

Kristie · 06-05-2008, 05:04 PM

It seems to me that until their body clock breaks, they can't get any relief... doug's body clock is finally broken after all these years and he can come home after working 9 days, go to bed around 10, get up around 10 and be hunky dory until he goes back to work...

sometimes he'll have bouts of nighttime that he can't sleep and will stay up to 2 or 3AM but it's not overly often where it affects his daytime attitude.

so they'll get used to it after a *long* while. But it does tend to affect everything....there are a lot of things that i can't get done because i need him involved and he's either not interested or has his own things to do...so i'm starting to take on tasks myself (like replacing the water heater, fix it things) and just get them done without his knowledge or needing him there.

The sex life does change as well... i've found that if you change it up some (different time of day...different location...half hour after eating (that way, hunger is saturated)...when nothing else is on the brain) it can help. it's still hard to "schedule" it but if you have to, schedule it like parents do. maybe remind him that the best type of relief out there is typically found after some *fun* and he'll sleep so much better too...heck, if you're really having "opposite schedule" month, turn your sex life into tryst life and make it quickie like per se

Roxswood · 06-06-2008, 05:54 AM

being a parent to two young children (one who is nearly 9 weeks old, how did that happen?) I'm a bit of an expert at fitting sex into our lives but then you have to have a hubby willing to work with you on it, luckily mine is. I try hard to send flirty texts and emails and even naughty photos or videos whenever we're apart so that we're both desperate to get our hands on each other once we're together again, and then we have to wait until we can get the children both asleep but when they are we run for the nearest bed/couch or whatever and do it as quickly as we can LOL. Not romantic but lots of fun. I think DH sometimes is happy if he knows it doesn't have to be a marathon event when he's tired and has to be up early the next day. I also make an effort to get up at 4am if he's awake at that time so we can have fun together before the children wake. It leaves me shattered but keeps us feeling much closer, I'd rather that than sleep really.

Bigsweetie · 06-06-2008, 09:19 AM

DH and I don't schedule sex. We just notice that both kids are asleep, look at each other and run to the bedroom! LOL! It's so rare that they're sleeping at the same time that we take advantage of any/every opportunity we can get! LOL!

05-29-2008, 11:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
Be a wife Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: UK Posts: 10 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Changes in hubby Has anyone noticed a change in their hubby since he became a commercial pilot? I have known mine since he was a student and he got the job about 2 years ago. It has changed his temperanment and aged him. It has also affected our sex life as he is always tired when he returns or he has an early morning flight the next day. Has anyone had similar experiences and can you give me any advice? Thanks

05-30-2008, 09:21 AM	#2 (permalink)
Londoner Jetgirls Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: London ,UK Posts: 212 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: Changes in hubby Fatigue is certainly an unavoidable part of the job, and it does cause problems, I agree. We have double trouble, though, as my hours are odd, too, and we're often both tired. We often get cranky with each other. Coping - well, I think it just boils down in the end to understanding. By that I mean anticipating when your other half is tired, and not expecting too much (I usually make an early dinner, and we head off to bed early), and making him feel special and loved, even though he's tired and grumpy. He does the same for me in return, so it's a two way thing, which is lovely. And then, of course, on those occasions when you're not both knackered, make sure you make the most of it! We make hay while the sun shines - it's a philosophy we've both come to love! __________________ If you're on Facebook, take a look at the group "I'm a pilot's wife". It would be great to see you there! http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2248801483

05-30-2008, 07:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
Amanda Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: PHL suburbs Posts: 2,136 Recipes: Thanks: 12 Thanked 11 Times in 11 Posts	Re: Changes in hubby Yes, mine has changed a bit too. It feels like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders... but now that I think about it maybe he was like that before the airlines! Nick's internal clock is always messed up and he is always tired, but that comes with flying to Europe all the time and doing the late flights. He sleeps during the day and stays up at night! He usually needs a day to get back to normal, but for the first day back he usually wants to relax and sleep. __________________ Amanda Loving wife of Nick, an Int'l FO for Continental flying the 757/767 based in EWR!

05-31-2008, 02:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
Roxswood Jetgirls Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: English girl in France Posts: 170 Recipes: Thanks: 4 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Changes in hubby We're only just starting out really but my hubby has changed the opposite really, before he started training I think he was very miserable in his job and feeling trapped by his wife and child into staying in it. He is a much much happier and more confident person now and we're a much closer couple. Life is rather more stressful for both of us though, he just left for France this morning, we follow him on June 11th and in the meantime he has to find us all somewhere to live.

05-31-2008, 06:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
AnnaRose Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Florida Posts: 307 Recipes: Thanks: 6 Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts	Re: Changes in hubby When my BF was training he was under a lot of stress and that was really tough. I feel like he never gets good sleep though. Very rarely will he actually wake up and say he had a good nights rest. He is always tired when he has to do late night flights. I think a pilot's changing schedule makes it hard for them to get into a groove. What kind of flying does your DH do? Does he enjoy his lines? __________________ "A person travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it..."

06-02-2008, 04:27 AM	#6 (permalink)
Be a wife Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: UK Posts: 10 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Changes in hubby Hi Thanks to all of you for your kind replies. My DH flies shorthaul from London all around Europe but we live about 2 hours drive from London so he has to factor in the commute to his travelling. He then does about 3 or 4 sectors a day. When he took the job he told me he would have 4 days on then 3 days off so I thought it would be ok but that is not the case! He only has about 1 or 2 days off a week and he has so much to cram in those days that we hardly get any quality time together. It doesnt help that I work full time and his days off are usually on the weekdays so i'll be at work when he's off. Then when i'm off on weekends he's almost always away. Its impossible to make plans! He tells me it will get better when he flies long haul as although he will be away for longer he will also be given more time off but his airline have type frozen him for another 4 years. I am going away with him this weekend for the first time so it will be interesting to see what it is like for him.

06-02-2008, 06:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
AnnaRose Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Florida Posts: 307 Recipes: Thanks: 6 Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts	Re: Changes in hubby I can relate. Its frustrating when you have opposite schedules. From what I hear it gets better, so hang in there! __________________ "A person travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it..."

06-05-2008, 05:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,630 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts	Re: Changes in hubby It seems to me that until their body clock breaks, they can't get any relief... doug's body clock is finally broken after all these years and he can come home after working 9 days, go to bed around 10, get up around 10 and be hunky dory until he goes back to work... sometimes he'll have bouts of nighttime that he can't sleep and will stay up to 2 or 3AM but it's not overly often where it affects his daytime attitude. so they'll get used to it after a long while. But it does tend to affect everything....there are a lot of things that i can't get done because i need him involved and he's either not interested or has his own things to do...so i'm starting to take on tasks myself (like replacing the water heater, fix it things) and just get them done without his knowledge or needing him there. The sex life does change as well... i've found that if you change it up some (different time of day...different location...half hour after eating (that way, hunger is saturated)...when nothing else is on the brain) it can help. it's still hard to "schedule" it but if you have to, schedule it like parents do. maybe remind him that the best type of relief out there is typically found after some fun and he'll sleep so much better too...heck, if you're really having "opposite schedule" month, turn your sex life into tryst life and make it quickie like per se __________________ www.jetcareers.com

06-06-2008, 05:54 AM	#9 (permalink)
Roxswood Jetgirls Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: English girl in France Posts: 170 Recipes: Thanks: 4 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Changes in hubby being a parent to two young children (one who is nearly 9 weeks old, how did that happen?) I'm a bit of an expert at fitting sex into our lives but then you have to have a hubby willing to work with you on it, luckily mine is. I try hard to send flirty texts and emails and even naughty photos or videos whenever we're apart so that we're both desperate to get our hands on each other once we're together again, and then we have to wait until we can get the children both asleep but when they are we run for the nearest bed/couch or whatever and do it as quickly as we can LOL. Not romantic but lots of fun. I think DH sometimes is happy if he knows it doesn't have to be a marathon event when he's tired and has to be up early the next day. I also make an effort to get up at 4am if he's awake at that time so we can have fun together before the children wake. It leaves me shattered but keeps us feeling much closer, I'd rather that than sleep really.

06-06-2008, 09:19 AM	#10 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,561 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Changes in hubby DH and I don't schedule sex. We just notice that both kids are asleep, look at each other and run to the bedroom! LOL! It's so rare that they're sleeping at the same time that we take advantage of any/every opportunity we can get! LOL!

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