New to this site

[mcmuffinpilot]

today is definatly an "off day" for me... I have a very low Maint fee keep that in mind when you read my comment:

My DH hasn't left yet and has managed to book his calendar till leaves next week with friends !! I'm waiting for that one night alone with him. I'm also showing my aggrevation and not wanting to explain to him my feelings. I notice myself getting very snippy with him. He doesn't even realize how much the next 9 weeks are going to be for me. All I want is him to recongize that this week. Am I in the wrong here?

[superfluous-sally]

I say absolutely not! There has to be a give-and-take in the relationship. If they are going to have this career and yes, we will support that...they need to be sensitive to our needs as well. I always "put it out there," because it's hard enough to keep the emotions in check without having to stuff what you are feeling. It's time to start a new lifestyle, which is what I told myself when this all started...the H and I have to make it work for each other.
I heard other members say communication is the key and I agree. I don't think there is anything wrong with stating your needs, because if you don't you have no one to blame but yourself. You know what I mean?
It's a good time to set some standards, such as delegating time for you both, maybe you start being a part of when he hangs with his friends (if you want,) etc. It's time to be creative. There is no room for guessing and I do think that sometimes you have to spell it out for men (I'm not a male basher, but they do think differently than we do--that's fact.) so they know what the expectation is.
With the distance it is easy for things to get wacky. Best just to identify what you need up front so he knows. That's what marriage is all about.
If I can do it, anyone can!!!!!!! I always say this, but having this site to vent and get support has been extremely helpful for me, so hopefully you will find the same relief from it.
I have to just say--my H has been amazing within this experience. He always calls, texts, e-mails, pictures, video, whatever. He often leaves me cards when he leaves and I do the same for him. (However, even with his efforts, I still have bad days....so, that's the reality of it all.)
Hang in there!

[Kristie]

[mcmuffinpilot]

thanks guys ! we all need that nudge in the right direction ! Dh leaves Sunday and seems we are both sharing a cold , so tonight we are forced to do nothing and be with each ......no plans..ahhhh !!!!!

[art_historian93]

Welcome! I'm a newbie myself. I've almost been married a year and came here looking for advice as well. I alternate between sadness, anger, and then usually build a wall, whenever my husband is about to go on overnight trips. It ends up making both of us miserable. My husband seems to miss me most and be dying to come home whenever I have a great day, and am laughing happily on the phone. Strange, but the independence and giddiness seems to draw him in. Whenever he gets home, I pamper him and even go over the top to please his buddies too by doing little things like making sweet tea (a Southern thing, I know, but the secret to most men's hearts here ). Then when his friends keep telling him how lucky he is and how much they like the tea, he thinks he has the best wife ever, lol. Men seem thrilled whenever their buddies compliment their wife.

I still haven't found much of a way to ease the pain whenever he has to leave. Going shopping and finding deals usually helps, as do hobbies. Boredom gets to me most and I just have to find a way to keep myself busy for most of the day so that I don't dwell upon the fact that he's gone. I mainly have to rely on myself because most of my friends are single males or married couples. Being around single men is never a good idea because you get lonely for male attention, and it's difficult to handle couples because they're together all the time and don't mind being overly affectionate in front of you. Pets seems like they'd ease the loneliness quite a bit. I have no children and my apartment gets waaay too quiet. I'd really like to get a cat but my DH is allergic to them and I think that the breeds for allergy-sufferers are expensive. I don't really have the free time to train and exercise a dog, either. Having your dog should help out some. It's good to have something to take care of that loves you unconditionally...just any kind of affection helps!