Annoyed at everyone

[patty@myflightsurgeon.com]

Everyone used to ask me that too, because I spread my kids apart ( 23-17-10 years old), I just told them that I needed to make sure that I could support and nourish them the way they should, because anyone could pop out kids one right after the other, but thats not the way to go.
I have a sister who had her kids all girls every 11 months and now in they are teenagers and shes pulling her hair out.
But after a while you just learn to ignore the ignorant people around you.

[Regina]

My kids are very close together, and although the pregnancies were tough...I wouldn't change a thing.

That being said, my youngest is 10 months now, and I have loved this break that I have experienced. I would like another year break to lose some weight (I just lost 53 pounds!), but I would chose to have them one after another again. My average age for the kids apart is about 13 1/2 months. The kids are wonderful friends and I hope my next 6 or so are just as close in age and friendship.

I don't think that it is for everybody though. Have what you feel is for you (0,1, or 20). If you do what society wants and not what you want, then you will never be happy. Content maybe, but never happy. When people get on me about how many kids I have so close together (even my parents), I ask them which one of my kids shouldn't I have had. They shut up quickly.

I think when some people say things about our kids, no kids, or husband's jobs, it is because they see our lives as better than it may or may not be. They think, "Oh, he's a pilot. They are rich, get to travel anywhere for free, etc." They don't tend to see the other side that we see, and if you try to enlighten them about it, they have an attitude of "You made your bed and you should lie in it." In one word, it is partly jealousy.

I hate when my hubby is gone for 4 days, but then I think of the military wives that don't know when or if their husband will come home. So, when I feel lonely or start to feel sorry for myself, I "try" not to complain about it, but instead think about how many other people's husbands are gone even more. Then I think God that when my husband is home, he is actually home. We love to spend time together and with the kids.

Enough of my going on and on....

[MNewby]

Oh girl I totally hear you. The famous comment I get is well you'll get used to this eventually. Yea your right we will get used to it but it does not take away me missing my husband. It hurts having no one to talk to about this stuff. THANK YOU JETGIRLS!!!

[Kristie]

ok, so i have a really ignorant question and yes, i'll admit, i'm totally ignorant on the situation which is why this is kindof embarrassing to ask...

I saw my neighbor last night, we rarely talk cuz they're the type that talk about kids being the "most important mission of your life" type thing.. as in her hubby is the one that told my hubby "well, at some time, you'll have to settle down and do what's important" type thing... anyways, i see her in the grocery store, stop to be friendly say hi and all and i think somehow i put my foot in my mouth.

her kids are now old enough to go to school. oldest daughter is in 2nd grade, youngest son is in kindergarten. my mom worked once we all got into school...so i asked her if she was going to go back to work and she got this plastered look on her face as if she's thinking "just because they're in school, you think i have to go to work?" type face...not that i was being nosey but when your kids are in school, what do you do all day if not go to work? like i said, i'm ignorant in the situation and i know i probably made her day with that comment cuz she told me she was going to continue to be SAHM because "she'd never not be there for her kids". understandable but when they're at school...

don't get me wrong, i'm not saying people have to go back to work.. you do what you want to do with how you want to do it...i guess i just don't quite understand what "would" you do while kiddos are at school if not work or make some type of $$ to help supplement husbands income?

ok, now i feel like a dork and i should probably delete this post cuz it just seems stupid to even ask...but i suppose i did put my foot in my mouth huh? not sure how i'd go about apologizing for something like that....

[lucky81698]

I am a stay at home mom and my son is in school. If I could get a job doing what I really wanted to do, I would go back to work. But the only airline based here is USAir and they have dispatchers furloughed so there is no chance of that and I have no interest in moving for a job. I tried working as a waitress but that didn't work out. It could have been the place, the owners were horrible. But I think I really just wasn't into it. I was constantly worried that something would happen to my son at school and I would have to go pick him up. It is so much easier, no juggling schedules to take him to baseball, karate, doctor's appointments, when he has days off during the week, or snow delays etc. If he gets sick at school, I am always about 15 minutes away at the most. Much less stressful to me than trying to work and schedule things. Plus I don't have to worry about getting time off during holidays or summer. Plus having a husband that is gone 4 days a week would make scheduling stuff a nightmare for me.
As far as what I do all day. Clean up, do laundry, run errands, stuff on the computer, go out to lunch with a friend or my dad, do lawnwork when the weather is nice (my favorite). Sometimes, I do nothing if I don't feel like doing anything! When he was in kindergarten, I helped out in his class for 1/2 day every week, which was nice for both of us. There were 3 mothers that did this. But it always seems like I do something. I actually like it alot! Some people would go nuts staying at home, it's not for everyone!

[Eastbayk]

Kristie- It's not a stupid question, nor was it a stupid comment to make to your neighbor. There are plenty of people who plan to go back to work once the kids are in school.

There is still plenty to do when the kids are in school- grocery shopping, laundry, aerobics class, finally having time for a real lunch with friends... I don't know because I haven't lived it, but I imagine it's the same as staying home with kids except everything gets done quicker. Most people don't spend all day entertaining their kids, but do lots of housekeeping stuff too.

Personally, I'd probably pick up a part time job at Old Navy or something just to get out of the house and have some extra $. A fun job, not a career job.

Don't feel like it's a dumb questions at all!

Kim

[Regina]

Kristie,

I don't feel like it is a stupid question. I just think stay at home moms get so much slack sometimes because people with outside the home jobs think sahm's don't do anything. So, hearing comments like ,"Do you work?," although innocent enough, hearing it so much can make you go bonkers. Yes, we work, but not at a typical job. My husband said that his job is a break compared to mine. : ) I think your question was very innocent, but maybe she was just having a bad day...??? If I am not in a bad mood, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and just smile about it later.

I plan on teaching at least part-time at my kids school when all are in school. BUT...my son is going to have a renal transplant in a few years, so there is going to be a lot to do with doctors and such. If he didn't have a lot of medical situations, I would still have a lot to do to keep up with laundry, meals, cleaning the house, being the secretary to my hubby's schedule, doctor check-ups, house projects (like painting, etc. because we can't afford to pay someone to do it), taking care of the lawn and landscaping, paying bills, helping kids with homework, grocery shopping, dealing with insurance companies, taking care of sick kids, etc., etc., etc. I really don't think the chores ever get finished no matter how much time you have. I am sure people without kids probably think the same thing sometimes...like "where did the day go?"

When the kids are in school, I don't look at it as a future "break," but rather the next stage of my life. If that means teaching, staying at home and finally having some time to exercise and do some other things that are "me-type" things, I welcome that next stage. I am quite happy with the stage that I am in too.

I hate how people pestor people about having kids. I just don't think they know any better and some people are just rude. It's not for everyone. I have learned that the hard way. People use to pestor my brother about having kids because he is older than me and I already had so many. I wish they would have just left him be and let them go or not go at their own pace. Sometimes, I feel like his wife was pushed into it, and you can certainly tell.

[Amanda]

I have had people say rude things to me like I can't believe you and Nick have dated so long and you're not engaged yet. Or I get people asking if I want kids and then telling me that I'm getting old so I better start soon or I won't be able to have any. Very annoying!

[flygirl813126]

Originally Posted by UKcats06

I don't think people realise what they are saying. DH and I got married in the courthouse with like a 2 week notice and we were young (20 and 21), so everyone asked if I was pregnant and why we were getting married so early.

Dh and I used to get questions all the time. We got engaged right out of high school. We started dating junior year. We got married at 21. People who met us and didn tknow the back story tel lus we got married way too young, we couldnt really khnow eachother, etc. This summer is 2 years married for us, and this month is 7 years together...it makes me want to say i told you so to the friends that told us we would never make it 5 years ago.

[MQAAord]

Kristie please don't feel bad about asking! It was a sincere question that came out of sheer curiosity

When the kids first go to school, they go to school around 8 and they get out of school around 2 or 3-ish. The usual work day is until 4 or 6. That leaves the issue of after-school childcare up in the air. You can do the day care thing, and a lot of day care centers have shuttles that take kids between school and the day care center for before or after school care. That costs money, and adds to scheduling drama. Not to mention the horror stories you hear of young kids being 'forgotten' about on buses/shuttles. Honestly, I think I'd have a hard time trusting a day care center to shuttle my child between school and a day care center.

As for what I'll do during the day when they're in school, I'll do the same thing I do during the few blessed hours they're in preschool right now! Clean the house without kids underfoot and being interrupted every 30 seconds, do laundry without pulling one of them out of the dryer, do errands without having to deal with strollers and wandering tots, etc. There's always cleaning to do when kids live in a house. Always.

I will go back to work eventually. It will more than likely NOT be flying the line as a flight attendant ever again, just because of scheduling issues even when the kids are older. When I go back to work the kids must be old enough to be able to fend for themselves such that while they may need someone 'with' them, they do not need constant supervision. Maybe age 10-12 or so. I remember my parents leaving my brother and I home alone after school when I was 8 or so. That was a small town, and 20+ years ago though!