Getting back to "normal"?

Flybird · 02-23-2007, 12:45 AM

Hi everyone! I joined, was here for a while then got really busy with the holidays / visiting family / buying a house / dealing with my 2 year old / being pregnant...

But now Im back and look forward to reading all the posts.

I do have a quick question...

My dh's annoying schedule has him gone for up to 5 weeks at a time. It's very long and not very fun. The last time he came home he was very unaffectionate, nothing but a quick peck at the airport and nothing physicaly for days. With my emotions running wild with this pregnancy I broke down. His reasoning for being so distant was the fact that being gone for so long took him out of his regular routine and it takes him a few days to get back to normal. Does anyone else have the same problem??

Also, let me vent here... (If I havent said this already!) I'll try to explain to dh how I find it hard at times and he'll lash back saying how he finds it hard too. Ok, fair enough, he may find it hard but when he's not flying he's eating out, having his sheets and towels changed, sightseeing in various parts of the world, and going out with co-workers. Meanwhile, I am running our dauther to playgroups and swimming lessons, taking care of the usual business involved with owning a house, being pregnant and very tired and, worst of all, being 2000 miles away from all my friends and family in Canada. How dare he compare the two situations! AHHHH! I feel better now. What on earth am I going to do after I have the baby and he goes back to work!

katherine2473 · 02-23-2007, 07:30 AM

Hi there, that sounds really lousy for you, I'm so sorry. I can understand to a certain extent the whole 'it's out of my system' thing, but not completely - it didn't stop you did it?! Plus, he presumably haven't always been like this? Maybe he could 'fire up' the emotion just before he comes home if you send him a slushy email or something (or fire up the physical side with something else ;-)? Or maybe he's just feeling guilty that you're doing so much and being pregnant and it's just coming out in a weird guy-like way! I think a bit of a talk is needed, if nothing else so you feel like he's taking your concerns on board.
Good luck,
Katherine

Chi829 · 02-23-2007, 01:10 PM

If it makes you feel any better, my DH is always exhausted his first day bac,,, then things go on as they normally would. To me, it's VERY understandable,,, it takes a lot of adjustment getting used to being gone, then being home. It's hard for them just as well as it is for us. But I know what you mean, I think it is harder for us most of the time.

Kristie · 02-23-2007, 10:48 PM

Quote:

His reasoning for being so distant was the fact that being gone for so long took him out of his regular routine and it takes him a few days to get back to normal. Does anyone else have the same problem??

believe it or not, Me, Myself and I have that problem! you'd think DH would have it but he's happier than a purring cat when he gets home.. me, i have to go from essentially "being single" to "being married"...or sometimes i call it "independent" to "dependent" and it's kinda hard to do because you get so used to depending soley on yourself....typically, it takes me a night to get back to married norm...not often longer than that.

but your situation sounds way different in that you'd think he'd be happy when he gets home...cuz it's "home" and not a hotel. is it really taking him days to get used to be home or get used to someone being there to talk to? are you handing him situations right off when he gets home or giving him a breather break before getting back into the household things again? is he also giving you time for yourself while he's home?

I feel for ya, i do...and it sounds to me like maybe you need to sit close to each other and talk a bit more...get that connection going right when he gets home (everything else, including the kids) can wait a few minutes.

btw.. how are the hugs? are they nice and long because if so, then sometimes , IMO, that can circumvent the kisses cuz it's technically the same type of intimacy.

av8rwyf · 02-24-2007, 09:14 PM

I'm kinna like Kristie...I'm the one that has to adjust to DH being home. When he's gone, the kids and I get in a routine. We have a certain way we do things, when we do them, and how we do them. When DH comes home, he's immediately ready for the hugs, kisses, stop everything and chill. I am a Type A personality and it takes me a little while to re-learn to "chill" and let the house go and let the routine "slide."

With that being said, I still feel your pain. The disconnection is tough...really tough. We are going through a major rough spot in our marriage now b/c of it. But one thing is consistant: Our bottom line is that we both want it to work. So, we talk and we talk and we compromise and we tweak. Never easy but who said being married to this industry is! So, I guess my point is don't let the communication stop. The second you do, negative feelings begin to fester, grudges begin to set in and before you know it you could have a situation beyond repair.

I know this may all be common sense but even those who've kept it going for 50 years will tell you it's easier said than done.

Best wishes to you!

Kristie · 02-25-2007, 01:21 AM

it's all about communication... once you lose that, it just starts to crumble and i agree, it is easier said than done!

flyershoe · 02-25-2007, 05:48 PM

I'm the one that has to make the adjustment, too. Sometimes I feel like he's intruding on my "me" time when he gets home, haha! I get over it within the first day though. It's just tough when I have so much going on and he interrupts my routine.

UPSwife · 02-25-2007, 07:15 PM

When Steve gets back from long trips, he is often the same way. I don't talk too much or get upset if I don't like the way he answers me the first day or so back. It used to bother me, but I have realized that he has often been trhough as many time zones as days gone and I give him a break. I also have gotten into my own routines to where I have to adjust to him being home just as much as he is delaing with being back.

Kristie · 02-25-2007, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flyershoe

I'm the one that has to make the adjustment, too. Sometimes I feel like he's intruding on my "me" time when he gets home, haha! I get over it within the first day though. It's just tough when I have so much going on and he interrupts my routine.

exactly!! it's not that i don't want him there, it's just that if i'm in the midst of trying to get things done, i'm doing it so i can spend time with him and if he just lets me finish it, then we get more time...the only problem is when to call it quits! hahaha

Flybird · 02-26-2007, 03:09 PM

Maybe I do go through a bit of that too... I have practically everyday planned out with activities for our 2 yr old and when dh gets home I know he wants to spend time with us but he usually doesnt "fit" into our plans so things change. I'll try looking at it from a different perspective next time. Plus if I continue my routine without him it'll probably drive him crazy to want to get more involved!

02-23-2007, 12:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
Flybird Jetgirls Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 67 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Getting back to "normal"? Hi everyone! I joined, was here for a while then got really busy with the holidays / visiting family / buying a house / dealing with my 2 year old / being pregnant... But now Im back and look forward to reading all the posts. I do have a quick question... My dh's annoying schedule has him gone for up to 5 weeks at a time. It's very long and not very fun. The last time he came home he was very unaffectionate, nothing but a quick peck at the airport and nothing physicaly for days. With my emotions running wild with this pregnancy I broke down. His reasoning for being so distant was the fact that being gone for so long took him out of his regular routine and it takes him a few days to get back to normal. Does anyone else have the same problem?? Also, let me vent here... (If I havent said this already!) I'll try to explain to dh how I find it hard at times and he'll lash back saying how he finds it hard too. Ok, fair enough, he may find it hard but when he's not flying he's eating out, having his sheets and towels changed, sightseeing in various parts of the world, and going out with co-workers. Meanwhile, I am running our dauther to playgroups and swimming lessons, taking care of the usual business involved with owning a house, being pregnant and very tired and, worst of all, being 2000 miles away from all my friends and family in Canada. How dare he compare the two situations! AHHHH! I feel better now. What on earth am I going to do after I have the baby and he goes back to work!

02-23-2007, 07:30 AM	#2 (permalink)
katherine2473 Jetgirls Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: London! Posts: 226 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Getting back to "normal"? Hi there, that sounds really lousy for you, I'm so sorry. I can understand to a certain extent the whole 'it's out of my system' thing, but not completely - it didn't stop you did it?! Plus, he presumably haven't always been like this? Maybe he could 'fire up' the emotion just before he comes home if you send him a slushy email or something (or fire up the physical side with something else ;-)? Or maybe he's just feeling guilty that you're doing so much and being pregnant and it's just coming out in a weird guy-like way! I think a bit of a talk is needed, if nothing else so you feel like he's taking your concerns on board. Good luck, Katherine

02-23-2007, 01:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
Chi829 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Panama City, FL Posts: 1,402 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts	Re: Getting back to "normal"? If it makes you feel any better, my DH is always exhausted his first day bac,,, then things go on as they normally would. To me, it's VERY understandable,,, it takes a lot of adjustment getting used to being gone, then being home. It's hard for them just as well as it is for us. But I know what you mean, I think it is harder for us most of the time. __________________ Jo Happily Mrs. Adams and Mommy to Liam www.joandbillsblog.blogspot.com

02-24-2007, 09:14 PM	#5 (permalink)
av8rwyf Jetgirls Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: CLT Posts: 284 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Getting back to "normal"? I'm kinna like Kristie...I'm the one that has to adjust to DH being home. When he's gone, the kids and I get in a routine. We have a certain way we do things, when we do them, and how we do them. When DH comes home, he's immediately ready for the hugs, kisses, stop everything and chill. I am a Type A personality and it takes me a little while to re-learn to "chill" and let the house go and let the routine "slide." With that being said, I still feel your pain. The disconnection is tough...really tough. We are going through a major rough spot in our marriage now b/c of it. But one thing is consistant: Our bottom line is that we both want it to work. So, we talk and we talk and we compromise and we tweak. Never easy but who said being married to this industry is! So, I guess my point is don't let the communication stop. The second you do, negative feelings begin to fester, grudges begin to set in and before you know it you could have a situation beyond repair. I know this may all be common sense but even those who've kept it going for 50 years will tell you it's easier said than done. Best wishes to you! __________________ Stacy DH Paden, 737 Airtran FO (ATL), DS's Jack 2/11/02 & Josh 6/4/04

02-25-2007, 01:21 AM	#6 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,649 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts	Re: Getting back to "normal"? it's all about communication... once you lose that, it just starts to crumble and i agree, it is easier said than done! __________________ www.jetcareers.com

02-25-2007, 05:48 PM	#7 (permalink)
flyershoe Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Odenton, MD Posts: 822 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Getting back to "normal"? I'm the one that has to make the adjustment, too. Sometimes I feel like he's intruding on my "me" time when he gets home, haha! I get over it within the first day though. It's just tough when I have so much going on and he interrupts my routine.

02-25-2007, 07:15 PM	#8 (permalink)
UPSwife Jetgirls Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Louisville, KY Posts: 315 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Getting back to "normal"? When Steve gets back from long trips, he is often the same way. I don't talk too much or get upset if I don't like the way he answers me the first day or so back. It used to bother me, but I have realized that he has often been trhough as many time zones as days gone and I give him a break. I also have gotten into my own routines to where I have to adjust to him being home just as much as he is delaing with being back.

02-26-2007, 03:09 PM	#10 (permalink)
Flybird Jetgirls Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 67 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Getting back to "normal"? Maybe I do go through a bit of that too... I have practically everyday planned out with activities for our 2 yr old and when dh gets home I know he wants to spend time with us but he usually doesnt "fit" into our plans so things change. I'll try looking at it from a different perspective next time. Plus if I continue my routine without him it'll probably drive him crazy to want to get more involved!

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