Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

[biochemtine]

I can't be alone one more day.

I am literally going to scream.

I have no friends, my co-workers hate me, I get no recognition from my supervisor, the only acknowledgement I get for my efforts at church are when I scre up.

And my husband live 100 miles from here!!! He has no clue what I'm going through and even when I tell him about it he doesn't get it.

I can't do this anymore.

I need help. I need friends. I need something else in my life.

And to top it off, I burned dinner tonight so I hvae nothing to eat but brownies and beer.

Things have gotten so bad that I actually have started to wonder if anyone would notice if I just didn't show up to work. Would anyone care?

What if I didn't call Eric tonight? How long until he freaked out?

I just feel so lost. I am having horrible horrible thoughts and I need to get them out of my mind but I don't know how. I don't know what to do.

I spent my day totally in tears at work. And now that I'm home it's the same thing. I can't keep talking to my cat. He doesn't talk back ... and if he did then I'd really be in trouble.

I just said good-bye to Eric this morning and I'm already so lonely I can't function. How the hell am I supposed to do this the rest of my life??? I have to support Eric and his career. He loves this. This is his dream. I've never seen him so happy as he is right now. But how do I support him when I'm miserable?

My social needs in life are not being met.

So everyone tells me I need to go out and get friends myself. Be proactive. But how do I do that??? It's so against my programming. I don't know how to make friends outside of meeting people at church and work. All the people at my church know that I'm alone M-F, why haven't they called me? Not a single person from church has e-mailed me or called me to say, "Hey. What's up? Wanna get together?"

Am I some sort of social outcast? My entire life I've had problems making friends. I'm 26 years old ... why can't I seem to function properly?????????

I don't wanna do this anymore.

[Bigsweetie]

Hang in there Christine!

Come here to vent. Believe me, i've been in the EXACT same position as you have. I broke up with my Eric at one point because of the EXACT same issues. I'm not great at making friends either. I've found alot of good online friendships though. Come here, talk to us. I'll be up late tonight if you need to talk.

I promise you that this WILL get easier in time. And as he moves forward in his career his schedule will get better. And you'll adapt. It takes time. For some it's an easy transition, for me it took MONTHS. Just remember how important and loving it is that you're sacrificing so much for your husbands dream. I'm sure, even if he doesn't say it, that he's so grateful to have your love and support when he's home AND when he's gone.

Reading your post brought me back to probably my lowest point with Eric's career. It was a member of this board that told me to hang in there that it would get better. Eric and I are married today because of her words. Oh how I wish I could find that old post and post it here for you to read.

Just remember, if you didn't love Eric so much you wouldn't be missing him the way you are now. You'll get over this hurdle, I promise, and your love will be even stronger because of it.

As for getting your feelings out... I usually type a nice looooong post, get everything I want to say out then cancel the post (if it's too personal to post). I find that typing it all out is cathartic for me.

Just hold on, your one day closer to having him home. And the more he flys, the sooner he'll be able to take that next step and possibly be home more.

Hang in there...

Tanya
PM me if you need to... I can also give you my number if you need a human voice LOL!

[biochemtine]

Thanks Tanya.

I don't know if it's so much missing him as missing social contact. Him being gone is just bringing to light the fact that I have no friends.

I called him and we talked for awhile. He almost came home, but I told him it wasn't worth it. I'll be ready for bed by the time he gets home.

I think there's a lot more wrong with me than just missing my husband. But if he were here I'd be a lot better able to deal with the other crap.

[ATP]

I know exactly what you mean about missing social contact! I moved here to Tucson almost 3 months ago knowing absolutely nobody here. I suck at making friends. It has always taken me a long time to really become friends with someone. The 2.5 yrs prior to moving here I spent all my time focused on grad school, to the exclusion of a social life. I've drifted apart from all my good college friends cuz we never see each other. What makes it all worse is that my boyfriend is based in Puerto Rico! It absolutely sucks. I moved here for my dream job, but I don't seem to care about it very much because I hate being so far apart from Zach, and I don't have a support network (friends) here.

Anyway, that little rant is just to let you know that there are others in sort of similar situations. I can sympathize with what you are going through.

I'd better go to bed now, but I'll try to write more another time. Please continue posting how you are feeling (and if you don't mind, I may also do some venting). Hang in there! Take care of yourself!

[trigeek]

Social contact WAS my biggest weakness. I eventually found groups and I found friends and I dedicated myself to making the events I promised others I'd be at. Sometimes that means leaving when DH is around. A very tough position when you think you are not getting enough DH time. But DH comes to my events every once in awhile and my new social network is a lifesaver.

You need your own life to keep your sanity. No DH time drove me to my edge at least once before. I feel for you.

I called him and we talked for awhile. He almost came home, but I told him it wasn't worth it. I'll be ready for bed by the time he gets home.

To be honest your words remind me of myself (almost a quote from my mouth). I have felt the same way. Wishing he could be there but knowing you'll have to except his absence and go to bed. For me, having others to call on has been priceless when I really needed a friend. We are here, as well as others.

[biochemtine]

What sucks is that I have groups to be a part of. I have my bible study from church and worship team. I see those people once a week. But none of them (who all know what I'm going through) have once e-mailed me and said, "I know Eric is gone. Why don't you come by for dinner tonight."

I suppose I could make that effort and call them, but I live so far away from all of them that I can't ask them to come down here, and I don't want to invite myself over to their house.

The only time the people from my church are available to do stuff is on teh weekends ... when I don't need it. I need it during the week. I feel as if they don't really want to be my friend, just go to bible study with me.

And now Eric feels bad. I don't want him to feel bad. He has enough on his mind with teaching and working on his MEI and all the other crap he does for the school. I don't want him worried about my loneliness and depression too.

I don't know what else to say. I'm tired of having a pity party. I need to get over this. I need to take some serious action and take charge of my emotions.

I just wish I knew where to start.

[Bigsweetie]

Have you tried saying to them "Hey, if you guys ever want to get together during the week, let me know! I'd be happy to hang out!" or something like that.

As far as them only wanting to do things on the weekends, get used to that unfortunately. We, as pilots wives, have to remember that people not in this lifestyle are busy during the week and their weekends are free. It's not like that for us and we can't expect them to "get it". They can't. I'd just do what I mentioned above, and if they never call you during the week (and you know they're getting together), then there's your answer.

I think you're going to have to take a more proactive role in socialization. If you need it as much as you say you do, you'll have to get out there and take that leap.

For me, I realize I don't have alot of friends here (we moved right before Em was born), but I try to stop by and see family when I know they're home during the week. But if I can't, for me, it's not that big of a deal. I don't mind being a loner. Actually when we lived out in Novi, we never had company and I never really went anywhere with a group of people. I like time to myself. Not everyone is like that though and that's understandable. You're just gonna have to bite the bullet on this one.

I agree with you though, you need to snap yourself out of this funk you're in. It'll only get worse. It's sometimes good to have a "pity party" though. I've had one recently myself I usually feel much better afterward and hopefully you will too. Just don't let it last too long

Oh, and if you need something to fill up every ounce of free time you have, have a baby LOL! That's what I did. She's well worth it, but I come here to talk to adults (and of course I talk DH's ear off when he's home). LOL!

[biochemtine]

I would looooooove to have a baby right now, but we can't. It would be very financially irresponsible of us right now, since we can barely support ourselves. At least it would solve my problem of no one needing me back, right?

Yeah, I've said to people call me. E-mail me. Whatever. One lady can't stay home alone when her husband is gone. I've told her that I would love to keep her company next time he goes out of town. He's been gone 3 times since that conversation and she has yet to ask me to stay.

[Brenda]

Christine, you are not alone. Everything that you wrote said what I was feeling last July. It was awful. I thought I hit rock bottom. Sure I had a friend or two, but they had their own lives. And they worked. I couldn't find anything in common withthe other stay at home moms or married women that didn't have kids. They just didn't understand my lifestyle!!!
I joined the Y, I did things by myself all time. But it wasn't the same. So, I then went to see a shrink. Someone to talk to. First one I had to fire cause she told me that I needed to grow up and handle that my husband was gone 5 days at a time and that this was my life. Next one, very nice. She understood me and helped me deal with coming out of my shell. Geez, I thought I wasn't shy. Heck, I'm not. I was a flight attendant. I dealt with people all the time. But when it came to making friends, I felt it was harder cause I was or thought I was a "different breed" The problem with telling guys our problems, or with most guys is that they feel they have to fix the situation. When all you want is someone to talk to. We're here for you. And yes, Eric would know and get freaked out if you didn't call. Don't do that. Hang in there sweetie, you can do it.
((hugs))

[Kimberly]

I actually feel very similar, and have few friends here. I have my husband's family which is good, but really NEED girlfriends. People at my church don't understand our lifestyle either, and now that I have Mack it is hard to get to church on a regular basis. I have felt so isolated over the past year, in that I expected to be "welcomed into" this large group of pilots and their families with DH now flying for commerical airlines. It just hasn't been like that. That's why I found this forum, to help with that void. But I still yearn for friends near us who understand this lifestyle, so much so, that we have thought and are still thinking about moving to Houston. ( in hopes that there will be more of a network of pilot families for support. DH is an FO, and many FO's and CA's that he flies with live in The Woodlands or Spring or that area that are based out of IAH...... and where there are pilots, I am hoping there are pilot's wives and kids!

Anyway, Christine, I am there with ya. And although kiddos eat up your time, and are joy of joys, they can't fill that void for girlfriends.