Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

[biochemtine]

Thanks ladies.

When I called Eric and cried to him on Monday night he felt really guilty about doing what he's doing. Then I felt guilty.

I don't want him to feel bad. His being gone is just revealing the issues that I've probably had all along. Him being here on the weekends is simply a band-aid for my lack of social life.

What I'm really getting tired of is people giving me advice for how to deal with this. All I want from the one friend I do have is to keep my mind off of my problems. To talk to me about anything. And all he does is focus on why I'm feeling lonely. That makes it worse. Then he gets all bent out of shape that I'm getting more depressed.

GRRR!!!!

Anyway ....... yesterday was a better day. Work didn't totally suck. I was invited to a meeting because my expertise was needed. That made me feel important again.

My night at home wasn't so lonely either. I didn't have motivation to do much, but I wasn't having my little pity party either. I played with the kitty and watched some TV. I talked with Eric and read my book. That was the clue to me that I was doing better .... I read. That required using my mind and not feeling sorry for myself.

Then, believe it or not, I actually cleaned my bathroom.

This morning I even had enough motivation to make a lunch. I haven't done that in about a week, so that's a good thing!

I'm a little irritated with my noisy co-workers today and hoping they shut up and start working soon instead of standing around BSing with each other.

[Kristie]

have you tried joining in their BS session? everyone needs to sit around and chit chat at work every now and then.. otherwise, you end up going worker bee crazy!!

I've gotten used to being a loner in the past few years.. my final married without children friendship is ending as she is having her first child today (via csection) so now all my married friends have kids and all my single friends are married. they all have a life of their own and yes, it's pretty typical to not get calls during the week because the week is typically all work related and all the fun happens on the weekends. when i need to get out, i go down to the bookstore or i'll get takeout and eat it at home.. but other than that, i pretty much do my own thing during the week and figure i'll hang out with people on the weekend if i really want to.

but yea, i'll second Tanya's suggestion on having to change your programming the hard way - just get out there and do it. once you start it, you'll feel more confident on going about your own direction.

I do know how you feel though and i'm there all the time, especially late at night but if you don't make changes for yourself, other people can't help in the solution.... it has to be done by you, for you. having someone to talk to, besides your husband, on a weekly basis might actually help for a while.

[fly-girl]

Christine,

At least you are recognizing your issues and figuring out who you are. That's the first step in trying to do something about it. When I read your post I thought I was reading something exactly about myself so I know what you are going through. If you haven't made any friends at work or don't live close by to the members of your church, I would suggest trying to strike up some friendships with people close by. Do you know any of your neighbors or are there any neighbors close by that you might be able to relate to?

I have a few friends that live in the same town as me but I am a loner by nature. I miss DH when he is gone but I enjoy being by myself as well. (I always thought there was something wrong with me but thats just who I am so now I just accept it) When he first started his job 6 years ago, I didn't think I would ever get used to having him gone and the feelings I felt when I missed him seemed unbearable. But you can and do adjust--you seem like a very strong person so I know you can do this and you also seem very supportive of what your husband is doing so hopefully that will help you too.

I have to admit I get more done when he is gone. And the house is always much more clean when he is gone. Staying busy helps too. I try to work out on a regular basis and those happy endorphins really do the trick sometimes.

Good luck with everything. I am sure everything will be okay.

[biochemtine]

Kristie --- Part of my problem with my co-workers is I know that they don't like me, and they don't like me because, apparantly, I used to butt my way into conversations that I wasn't really invited to. (This isn't me being paranoid, I heard this from them.) So I isolated myself from everyone.

I do NOT like my co-workers.

And to join in BS sessions is kind of going against the "new" me I'm trying to create of not gossipping and stuff.

Things have gotten a lot better the last day or so. I'm accepting a little bit more my situation and learning how to compensate for things. I'm forcing myself to get up from my desk once/day to talk to someone (not in my department). I've also taken the initiative to e-mail a couple people from church and ask if they'd like to get together.

We'll see what happens.