Hello All

lizcare7 · 04-16-2008, 02:27 AM

Hey There! When my husband and I first married about 8 months ago he told me about this site and suggested I join. I thought to myself at the time - I know being a pilots wife will not be easy but I am sure I can do this on my own. But I have found I desperately need support from others who truly understand. He is based in IL and I live in CA so we rarely see each other and when he is home for a day he is so tired. I miss that man I married. I am very proud of him and support him but I find my heart becoming angry, frustrated and jealous of the time we do not have together. Joining jetgirls, looking for support is somewhat out of my nature. I am the one usually doing the encouraging. I would love to hear from you. If any one has encouragement or suggestions I would be glad to hear. Are my feelings of frustration normal?

katbuad · 04-16-2008, 08:03 AM

Hey welcome aboard.

That strong independent personality is going to take you far in your relationship with a pilot. It just takes a bit of time to get used to the seperation and build a support system. Which you have come to the right place for. We, too, could use some your skills of supporting others. We are all in this boat together.

Your feelings are normal during the getting used to this way of lifestyle stage. But IMO they are only healthy at that beginning stage. You have to develope your own routine and everyday special things, so that your heart doesn't stay angry. Also I think going along on a trip or two helps to see that his life away from you is a lot of hard, yucky situations, not just all glory.

Again, welcome. Jump right in. . .

spotty4 · 04-16-2008, 10:03 AM

Hi liz! Great to have you here. We sound like we're in similar boats! My Fiance flies for Mesaba based out of MSP. But .... we live near Monterey, CA. The commute is long and the bigger restriction is that San Jose and MSP only have 2 flights b/t them daily. Sometimes he'll sit in MSP for 5 hours before his flight "home" leaves. And once he gets to SJC, he still has an hour drive to get home.

I hope you stick around the site. The more the merrier. And PLEASE, contact me if you need any help. We're virtually neighbors.

ASLhands · 04-17-2008, 11:43 AM

It is definitely hard. It does get better though. When he is home, you get to spend more quality time together. I have noticed my husband being much more loving and appreciative (overall- though he can still be a pain in the booty). I remember when he first started flying for a regional- I started to try to do the math of hours that we get to be together and if he had a 9-5 job, how many hours we would be together. Silly, but I was trying to comfort myself. Hang in there.

On a side note, I noticed you live in T.O. I am from Agoura. My husband and I went to high school there. We are actually moving back there in August and I will be opening an exercise studio off Kanan. If you ever wanted to come by and take class and go get a cup of coffee- that would be fun! You can PM me. It helps to have friends who understand the lifestyle. Good luck, anyway. It will get better.

Jodi

cb_71407 · 04-17-2008, 09:09 PM

Hello and welcome! I too just joined this site recently and have been married 9 months. I don't know that I have a ton of suggestions because I'm struggling with some of the same concerns you are. I have always prided myself on my independence and self-sufficiency and thought before we got married, "No problem-I can do this(be a pilot's wife) on my own. " But I have found I need more, particularly understanding from those in similar situations. My husband is based in ORD and we live in Austin. It has been a challenge so I can empathize with how you're feeling -- Commuting is stressful and tiring for him as I'm sure it is for your husband. And even with being as independent you may be, it is an adjustment when you get married and you are sharing so much more and sharing your lives in a deeper way. You want him to be there at times and he is just not. I have found myself lately expressing my frustration at him for not being here and it is stressful for both of us. I'm trying really hard NOT to do that. We recently got 2 active puppies and there have been moments when I am here alone with them and want to pull my hair out.

But it gets easier. It helps, I think, to focus when he's gone on the things you enjoy doing and your friends, work, hobbies, family, pets, whatever. And really cherish the time you have together. I know things will get better but your feelings are very normal and you are definitely not alone.

ccbegay · 04-18-2008, 08:00 AM

HEllo, there and Welcome!

The distance in really tough on us all, and especially when you add the daily 'hairiness' to it all...just remain positive and look for the next day, stay busy, and soon it will get better...keep it up, and we are always here, to hear you out!

Cassie

pilotwife3 · 04-18-2008, 03:44 PM

Brenda · 04-18-2008, 05:26 PM

Hi there!

04-16-2008, 02:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
lizcare7 New Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Thousand Oaks, CA USA Posts: 1 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Hello All Hey There! When my husband and I first married about 8 months ago he told me about this site and suggested I join. I thought to myself at the time - I know being a pilots wife will not be easy but I am sure I can do this on my own. But I have found I desperately need support from others who truly understand. He is based in IL and I live in CA so we rarely see each other and when he is home for a day he is so tired. I miss that man I married. I am very proud of him and support him but I find my heart becoming angry, frustrated and jealous of the time we do not have together. Joining jetgirls, looking for support is somewhat out of my nature. I am the one usually doing the encouraging. I would love to hear from you. If any one has encouragement or suggestions I would be glad to hear. Are my feelings of frustration normal?

04-16-2008, 08:03 AM	#2 (permalink)
katbuad Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Nashville, TN USA Posts: 696 Recipes: Thanks: 9 Thanked 13 Times in 13 Posts	Re: Hello All Hey welcome aboard. That strong independent personality is going to take you far in your relationship with a pilot. It just takes a bit of time to get used to the seperation and build a support system. Which you have come to the right place for. We, too, could use some your skills of supporting others. We are all in this boat together. Your feelings are normal during the getting used to this way of lifestyle stage. But IMO they are only healthy at that beginning stage. You have to develope your own routine and everyday special things, so that your heart doesn't stay angry. Also I think going along on a trip or two helps to see that his life away from you is a lot of hard, yucky situations, not just all glory. Again, welcome. Jump right in. . . Last edited by katbuad; 04-16-2008 at 08:08 AM.

04-16-2008, 10:03 AM	#3 (permalink)
spotty4 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Central Coast California Posts: 1,171 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 14 Times in 14 Posts	Re: Hello All Hi liz! Great to have you here. We sound like we're in similar boats! My Fiance flies for Mesaba based out of MSP. But .... we live near Monterey, CA. The commute is long and the bigger restriction is that San Jose and MSP only have 2 flights b/t them daily. Sometimes he'll sit in MSP for 5 hours before his flight "home" leaves. And once he gets to SJC, he still has an hour drive to get home. I hope you stick around the site. The more the merrier. And PLEASE, contact me if you need any help. We're virtually neighbors. __________________ http://shelleypotts.com Wedding Pictures!

04-17-2008, 11:43 AM	#4 (permalink)
ASLhands Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: San Francisco, CA, soon to move to Southern CA Posts: 232 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Hello All It is definitely hard. It does get better though. When he is home, you get to spend more quality time together. I have noticed my husband being much more loving and appreciative (overall- though he can still be a pain in the booty). I remember when he first started flying for a regional- I started to try to do the math of hours that we get to be together and if he had a 9-5 job, how many hours we would be together. Silly, but I was trying to comfort myself. Hang in there. On a side note, I noticed you live in T.O. I am from Agoura. My husband and I went to high school there. We are actually moving back there in August and I will be opening an exercise studio off Kanan. If you ever wanted to come by and take class and go get a cup of coffee- that would be fun! You can PM me. It helps to have friends who understand the lifestyle. Good luck, anyway. It will get better. Jodi __________________

04-17-2008, 09:09 PM	#5 (permalink)
cb_71407 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 9 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Hello All Hello and welcome! I too just joined this site recently and have been married 9 months. I don't know that I have a ton of suggestions because I'm struggling with some of the same concerns you are. I have always prided myself on my independence and self-sufficiency and thought before we got married, "No problem-I can do this(be a pilot's wife) on my own. " But I have found I need more, particularly understanding from those in similar situations. My husband is based in ORD and we live in Austin. It has been a challenge so I can empathize with how you're feeling -- Commuting is stressful and tiring for him as I'm sure it is for your husband. And even with being as independent you may be, it is an adjustment when you get married and you are sharing so much more and sharing your lives in a deeper way. You want him to be there at times and he is just not. I have found myself lately expressing my frustration at him for not being here and it is stressful for both of us. I'm trying really hard NOT to do that. We recently got 2 active puppies and there have been moments when I am here alone with them and want to pull my hair out. But it gets easier. It helps, I think, to focus when he's gone on the things you enjoy doing and your friends, work, hobbies, family, pets, whatever. And really cherish the time you have together. I know things will get better but your feelings are very normal and you are definitely not alone.

04-18-2008, 08:00 AM	#6 (permalink)
ccbegay Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Concord, NC Posts: 1,660 Recipes: Thanks: 5 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts	Re: Hello All HEllo, there and Welcome! The distance in really tough on us all, and especially when you add the daily 'hairiness' to it all...just remain positive and look for the next day, stay busy, and soon it will get better...keep it up, and we are always here, to hear you out! Cassie __________________ <-------Halloween fun for LadyBug Kenzie... ~Great Love and Great Achievements involves Great Risks~ CASSIE

04-18-2008, 03:44 PM	#7 (permalink)
pilotwife3 Jetgirls Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Quebec City, Canada Posts: 154 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Hello All __________________ Keep Smiling, Pat Life is sweeter with a Pilot

04-18-2008, 05:26 PM	#8 (permalink)
Brenda Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: EVV Posts: 1,218 Recipes: Thanks: 11 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts	Re: Hello All Hi there! __________________ - Brenda, wife to Eric, Capt for Shuttle America.

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