Hello :)

[miss crystal]

Hello everyone. I'm new I seem o be in a fairly different situation from the majority here as my BF is a pilot for the United States Air Force. All the same, he leaves on his trips for anywhere from a week to three weeks at a time. Currently he is in a training course for four weeks.

I seem to have a problem controlling my emotions when he first leaves for the first couple days. It's almost like a separation anxiety feeling. I try not to cry before he leaves becase I know it makes it harder fro him as well. We are trying to find ways for me to stay strong for our sanity. Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks so much!

[Amanda]

Hi and welcome to the site!

I'm not sure what advice I have! Nick is constantly leaving on trips; that's his job! In fact Nick and I lived cross country from each other and we only saw each other 3-4 days/month for awhile. There were also periods where he was in training when I didn't see him for 6 weeks. So what I'm saying, is you 'kinda' have to get used to it if the relationship is going to be successful. This is not an easy lifestyle for many.

I know that if I was crying every time Nick left he probably would have been fed up and we wouldn't be together. This isn't to say I wasn't sad- of course I was! I just kept myself busy so I wasn't always thinking about how much I missed him. I worked a lot, went out with friends, got involved with hobbies, etc. I wasn't just living FOR him- I had my own life, you know? I also stayed in touch with him daily with phone calls, emails, text/picture messages.

Good luck! I started lurking on this site when I was beginning my relationship and it was a great support to me. Now I'm one of the 'experienced' gals here! We are here for you!

[Kristie]

Welcome Crystal!

How about trying something to the effect of when he leaves, you too leave to run an errand or go do something that'll take your mind off of him leaving right then?

sometimes I would put grocery or "supply" shopping at exactly the same time doug would leave.... so when he leaves, i would leave, get some things done and by the time i get back to the house wouldn't feel so separated.

Back when we were apartment living, when he'd leave, i'd turn up the music nice and loud and get the apartment cleaned up...after hours of that, no problem. HAHA

believe it or not, sometimes i get the "willies" when doug leaves... as in, i just don't feel as safe as if he were still at home. so when that happens, i just try to keep myself as busy as possible... stick with a nightly sleeping routine so that i get to sleep faster (because if i don't, i can talk myself into a night with the light on) and just keep my mind occupied.

Good luck with it! it takes some training to get used to the coming and going but after a while, the anxiety only gets you at certain times (just like PMS).

How long has your BF been with the AF? what's he flying?

[Bigsweetie]

Welcome to the site "Miss Crystal"!!!

Something I did early on is when DH would leave for trips or training, etc. is I would have a "date night" with myself. I'd go out and buy my favorite icecream, rent my favorite movie, etc. and just make the evening all about me.

Think of things you enjoy just by yourself... shopping, favorite restaurants, hanging out with your friends, watching your favorite shows, etc. and plan those things for right when he leaves.

Eventually you'll get used to it though. It's hard at first.

Some other things i've done is slip nice cards or notes into his suitcase. I send him e-cards too. Doing things like that for him makes me feel like he's (hopefully) missing me too! And somehow that makes me feel better LOL!

I'm not sure how long you've been dating, but just know that it gets easier with time. And don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't be with a pilot simply because you're having a hard time with the separation. I see a lot of those undertones around and it makes me cringe.

Someone on another board told me the same thing when DH and I were dating and thank GOD I didn't listen to them. If I had, I wouldn't be married with two kids!

Some people adjust easier than others. Personally, I think anyone who says they're pretty much "fine" with it, is very detached. Missing your SO is normal. Now if you've been married for a few years and you're still crying, then something needs to be looked at further. But at this point, i'm assuming that you're somewhat new to the situation.

[BAC]

First off, hello and welcome!

Originally Posted by Bigsweetie

Think of things you enjoy just by yourself... shopping, favorite restaurants, hanging out with your friends, watching your favorite shows, etc. and plan those things for right when he leaves.

This is exactly what I do when my boyfriend is leaving and I know I'm going to have a little trouble with it. I have some "me" time doing whatever the hell I want to do. It sounds weird... but you need to create this kind of secret life of your own for when he is gone.

Some ideas for the day that he leaves...

- Look up movie times for that movie that you really secretly want to see but your boyfriend would never want to, (or would roll his eyes the whole time he is in the theater) and go by yourself to see it. Or rent a bunch of them.
- Plan a shopping trip to your favorite store and plan to spend all the time you want browsing.
- Go over a family member or friend's house and stay the night. Or have them come over to your place for a sleepover.
- Plan an elaborate work out routine.
- Get on your computer and come to jetgirls!

Just have some sort of plan for when he is gone and it will make things more simple. Eventually you will see that you do fine by yourself and won't get as sad when he leaves.

Try not to feel too bad about the getting sad part. Some people are just emotional. (I cry at the stupidest things!)

[christykay]

Hello and welcome!
My name is Christina and I am a SAHM to four little ones ages 3,5,8, and 9.

Regardless of what your pilot flies or for whom, the common thread that we all share here at jetgirls is that our SO's are PILOTS. It is a very difficult lifestyle that many, (outside of this board) do not understand. The ladies before me have given you some wonderful ideas so far.

As mentioned keep busy and find special things for you to do when your bf is away. Because I have four little ones at home- for me finding that "quiet" special time is a challenge, but not impossible. The first night DH is away I love to pamper myself with a nice bath, primp the feet, all of that fun girly stuff. Other nights I love to rent those really good girly movies that DH would watch, but not completely enjoy. I like to go to the gym, go to the library and pick up a few books to read. You get the idea. It is difficult at first, but it will get easier.

Welcome again.

[miss crystal]

Thanks for all of the advice girls. With him being in San Antonio currently it's actually been pretty easy for me since I can talk with him on a regular basis. Normally he is international so I don't get much. Somtimes an email or if I am really lucky, a Skype call. I usually am not too emotional once he is gone because I am busy and find things to do, but it is right before he leaves I get that anxiety. I'll try some of your suggestions though and work on it. Thanks

[SeatClutcher]

Hello!

Best way to keep your sanity...

Hm. Best way I can think of is to try your hardest to think less about it. It's harder missing someone when you keep reminding yourself how much you miss them.

[Chi829]

I did not take the time to read all the replies, but I got some really good advice from my mother in law when BIll was in new hire training about 3 years ago. WHen he would leave,, I would pretty much cry my eyes out all day. She said this was no good (surprise!) Instead, allow yourself 20 miniutes of insanity,, kick, scream, cry, do WHATEVER it is you need to do to get out your emtions,, set the clock! WHen your 20 minutes are up,, that's it.. that's ALL you get. TIme to get your butt off the couch or out of the bed and do something constructive and healthy. Not that venting is unhealthy but its kind of counter-productive. I still remember this piece of advice she gave me and I STILL use it!

[ccbegay]

Hey there...Cassie from CLT...I too, tend to get emotional at times...I am not too bad when he goes, but there are the times when it is just too much...I give myself the time to cry/be emotional, and when all is done and said, I'm good...I keep busy with school and everyday life...I try to get out and do things/eat things I like when he's gone...and mostly, I like to get out and run/walk...I usually take my dog, and we'll go on walks...I just focus on one day at a time...anything too far in the future, that is when I get tearied eyed...good luck, we are glad to have you here!

Cassie