it's over

[rgphib]

I think it is perfectly normal to feel this way. I would freak out too! In fact, I did before!

Brendan and I broke up for a few months when we were in college. He was interning for United Airlines at the time and guess where they put their interns to live- the flight attendent housing! I was so nervous, I mean come on. He was going to live with a bunch of females, I didn't like that. But anyway we broke up for about 2 months and I was devestated. I found out later, the only reason he broke up with me was because the other guys broke up with their gf and he didn't want to talk on the phone anymore! Men. And he said he knew we would get back together when he was done interning....jeezz...what if I didn't take him back!

But back to your situation....I went out with my sisters a lot (I was in a sorority in college). But still, I missed him. I went so far to read his email a few times....I know....I should never have done that. Especially a few months after when I happened to read it and it was a message he sent to a girl from United saying he couldn't get together when he was home for a week in the summer since his gf lived only 20 min away. I asked him about it....he said he wrote it like that to not make her feel bad (okay, but I felt bad) and even to the day he really doesn't even rememer it! So I totally understand about being crazy about reading his away message.

I hate to say it, but if it is meant to be, it will be. That is what I told myself a lot when we were broken up. Like that old saying: If you love something set it free. If it comes back it was meant to be. If it doesn't it was never yours to begin with.

Use this time to find yourself. That is what I did. I think I became a stronger and more independent person just in those few months. I think we needed it. We started dating my sophmore and his junior year in college. And by the end of his senior year, we needed some time to grow as individuals before we could grow as a couple. He wanted me to depend on myself more, and now I know why! He was preparing me to be a pilots wife! Do stuff you enjoy. Read a few books, take baths, go to the movies, go shopping, sit outside and gaze at the stars (seriously it is so relaxing). More important, look for yourself. It will be hard not to think of him, but that is okay. He is an important person in your life. He always will be. But now is your time.

I am sorry you are going through this. I hope each day will get easier.

Robyn

[Skygirl]

Hey Emily,

I separated from my BF of 2 years about a month ago. I called it off and he has since moved 1000 miles away. I know its for the best, but there are definately days when I doubt my actions. I'll be brushing my teeth and out of no where Ill begin to sob. Then there are other days when Ill dance around while cooking dinner! I definately try to keep myself busy...ie late night runs to Home Depot to get light bulbs or re-organizing my closets. I do anything besides sitting around and sulking. Im taking this time to make myself happy and everything else will fall into place. I understand your hurt, but Im getting more comfortable with my new life with each day.

[roz]

My advise is old and useless. All I can say is that you are the most important person in your life. All of us here have been through a lot of hurt and confusion. We are all here to support you!

[skibum515]

I think it's really helped me knowing that i'm not the first or the last woman to go through this and that my feelings of up and down are perfectly normal. Roz, that's exactly what I've started doing - rather than thinking how my actions are going to affect *us* I've started planning for the future of *me* I'm looking forward to the future while occasionally glancing backward. I keep expecting though to find a message from John on my voicemail or on AIM (even though I blocked him) It's getting easier though to deal with the aloneness of it. I'm really looking forward to moving so I can occupy my thoughts with my new place and getting every thing settled there.

[Lurker]

I just had a break up so wanted to share a couple of things that helped me...

1. remember no-one ever gets back with a stalker
2. When/if he returns, you need to be 'whole again' so yiu can choose whether its right for you to get back...you would not want it to be a continuation of what you had but a whole new relationship..so you need to focus on healing and learning from he experience - take time to work out what your 'needs' in a relationship are so you can ensure they are met in your next one
3. read enotalone.com...I found it very helpful
4. get your girlfriends together and go out....or at least have them send you random sms's telling you how wonderful and special you are (this worked really well for me).
5. Know your feelings are valid - whatever they are.

I hope you find some peace in your heart.

[Chi829]

Roz, your advice gave me chill bumps.... you ROCK

[Tonya]

I am still realtively new here and don't know you very well but my thoughts are with you.

Jason broke up with me for a month after we had been together for awhile . I wrote tons of letters to him that I never mailed while listening to every sad love song there was. Every time I saw a white pick up on the road I checked to see if it was him (man are there a lot of white pick ups in Oklahoma).

Then I made sure that I went out at least two nights a week whether or not I wanted to. When he finally did call me my roommate was able to say honestly that I was out on a date. It was also a good time to meet diferent kinds of people. I talked and danced with a lot of guys that I never would have before because I wasn't looking for a relationship but for an evening away from those sad songs and the unmailed letters.

Don't worry about the obsessing it is normal. We might not like the fact about ourselves but we all do it. Allow your self time to wallow in it a little each day and then remember to take care of yourself. That no matter what happens you will make it through and that some how things always work out for the best even if we can not see it now.

[skibum515]

ACK! I'm starting to think this was all a huge f'ing mistake and I need to call him and work this out. I really want to talk to him about everything that happened and I'm like thisclose to calling him sometime soon! I keep writing in the blog and i know that some days are better than others but man, it's just killing me not talking to him. I wrote him another letter today, but after rereading it i'm not going to send it. I keep trying to write something that will tell him how I feel without sounding like I'm trying to get him back.

I know even if we start talking again he's not going to move to UT anyway so it's not like we'll be getting back together, but i really want to see him again. I'm starting to think about calling him on Saturday next week when I leave here (since he's on the way to UT) to see if he wants to meet up for lunch or something. good idea? bad idea?

man this is rough today!

[Chi829]

In my opinion,,, if you want to call him, call him. If you want to ask him to lunch, ask him. There is nothing wrong with it if you love him. Now if the man was physically abusive and dogged you left and right, then ofcourse, don't call him. Leave him be. You know what's right,,, go with your heart on this one. Be prepared for it to be really difficult to see him though, it could make things a lot worse.... Good luck. Maybe seeing him will be all you needed to really put a closure on things,,, who knows maybe it will re-kindle things all over again.

[skibum515]

well, I PM'd him on JC and he won't talk to me. Says he doesn't want to lash out at me, that I dont deserve that.

mean while, i'm like crazy today. It fianlly hit me last night as i was unpacking and repacking that it's really over. I came across some stuffed animals that reminded me of happier days and I just turned into a blubbering mess. That mess has continued through today. Not going to see him on saturday. It's over and I'm a mess.