A good idea, or paranoia???

[luvmyboys]

DH was telling me about a time when he had a long overnight and the crew was going to go to a movie. His FO (a male) asked if the FA (a female) was going. She was going to the movie so his FO said that he was going to have to pass. He said that he and his wife have an agreement that he would not go out to dinner, a movie, etc. if a female was going along.

Anyway, I was just wondering how other people work out this issue. As for us, my DH won't go if it would only be him and another female (pilot or FA), but if there were at least three people he will go. Not that we're afraid of him cheating, but we think it's a wise policy.

Does anyone else have such rules or guidelines??

Sara

[jamauk]

Sara,
I know a lot of couples have similiar policies. We however, do not. When my DH & I met, he was a Capt and I was a Flight Attendant with Comair, a regional airline. At the time, Comair only had one Flight Attendant on each flight. So...on overnights, it was usually two guys and a girl. If one of the pilots chose not to go out and eat or wanted to take a nap in leu of sight seeing, etc...this policy would leave a lot of flight attendants eating dinner alone, or hanging out in their hotel rooms by themselves. As a former flight attendant, I have had a handful of dinners with just one pilot and even more dinners with both. I can tell you from experience, most FA's are more interested in getting some food and going to sleep then in stealing someone's husband!

I have no problem if my DH has dinner with a female flight attendant, etc. Movies..I don't know, I probably wouldn't have a problem with it. Luckily DH isn't a big movie fan. And while we have never discussed "rules" I wouldn't be comfortable if I found out a flight attendant was in my DH's hotel room for any reason (split a pizza, watch a movie,etc..) whether the other pilot was there or not.

I trust my husband's judgement and I know he wouldn't put himself in a situation that might be misinterpreted.

But, this is just the world according to Jessica!

[MQAAord]

"I can't go to a movie with the rest of my crew because one of the crew happens to be male"

If I'd had that 'rule' when I was still working, I'd have been awfully bored and lonely. In my seven years I NEVER had an all female crew. Usually at Eagle it was just me and the two guys. Bill has been known to call me at 4am sitting in the pool with the hotel-provided beer (Doug, you know which hotel I'm talking about) with the entire crew present. They were hanging out innocently chatting & drinking free beer. Would I have done anything differently when I was working, NO! (Other than not calling people at 4am, that's rather rude..... )

What is it going to take to get past the sterotype of the philandering pilot screwing every female out there on his overnights! Some pilot's wives are just TOO paranoid!

I'm trying not to sound harsh here, maybe this pilot's wife had good reason for being suspicious, I don't know. But again I'll say that speaking from 7 years of personal first hand experience the hanky-panky that everyone assumes happens all time is NOT a common occurance.

[luvmyboys]

The only reason that DH and I even had the discussion was because he was telling me what happened with his FO and we both agreed that it was a little extreme. But, they might have their reasons that we know nothing about.

I've never been an FA, nor was it my intent to imply that they are all (or any, for that matter) looking for hanky-panky. But I do know that most affairs start with people being friends and spending a lot of time together. This happens everywhere - a chat room, at the office, in the gym, etc. No matter where my DH worked he wouldn't spend a lot of time alone with a female because he knows that just isn't wise (not just affairs, but accusations of impropriety also). I totally trust him, and I especially like the fact that he avoids trouble before it happens.

Sara

[jamauk]

[ QUOTE ]
luvmyboys said:

But I do know that most affairs start with people being friends and spending a lot of time together. This happens everywhere - a chat room, at the office, in the gym, etc.



[/ QUOTE ]

Sara,
This is totally true and in most office situations, those co workers are the same people day in and day out. What a lot of people seem to forget is that when it comes to flight crew, each time you report to work you are with a different group of people so it isn't like you are hanging out with same person over and over again.

Anyway, I think those wives that have never been in the industry probably worry a little more than those of us that have. That is completely understandable to me. I just wish, as Amber said, we could somehow dispel of this misconception so more pilot wives would feel more secure!

BTW....Amber, I have recieved those same 4am phone calls from Jason (back when he was still at Comair!).

[biochemtine]

coming from a family whose father had a very close relationship with a woman not my mom, yes, this is a good idea.

I don't ever like being alone with another guy who's not DH or a relative. Even business trips. DH holds to the same standard.

If there is a group there, sure, but just you and one member of the opposite sex...nope.

[ILoveMyPilot]

[ QUOTE ]
coming from a family whose father had a very close relationship with a woman not my mom, yes, this is a good idea.

I don't ever like being alone with another guy who's not DH or a relative. Even business trips. DH holds to the same standard.

If there is a group there, sure, but just you and one member of the opposite sex...nope.

[/ QUOTE ]


I agree with you. My DH and I also have a simular agreement.

[Lurker]

[ QUOTE ]
ILoveMyPilot said:
[ QUOTE ]
coming from a family whose father had a very close relationship with a woman not my mom, yes, this is a good idea.

I don't ever like being alone with another guy who's not DH or a relative. Even business trips. DH holds to the same standard.

If there is a group there, sure, but just you and one member of the opposite sex...nope.

[/ QUOTE ]


I agree with you. My DH and I also have a simular agreement.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are kidding right? You mean you don't have male friends that you go for a drink with? What about one on one business meetings? I'm really interested to try to understand what difference it makes to someone's inclination to be unfaithful whether you are alone with a member of the opposite sex or not.

Not wanting to upset anyone here...but I just can't get my head around it.

Thanks to this forum, I have no issues with the possibility of anything happening with FA's...as someone said on here - if someone is the type to cheat, then they are the type to cheat..doesn't matter what they do for a living...but if you don't/can't trust your partner, what kind of a relationship is that?

Maybe I'm just naive? Sorry.

[ILoveMyPilot]

Both my husband and I have an agreement that is similar.
When he is at work it is "work". He also decided 4 years ago he would no longer even have a beer on a trip that has a long lay over. We all go out as a family when he is home.
It's our personal choice and it works great for us and several other families we know.