Touchy question in this place but need help....

[aalmiss]

That's odd. I'm showing up as "Guest" in my last post. I thought I was logged in. Oh well.

Dianne

[Kristie]

I could see that happening more and more (it wouldn't surprise me any) - I sure wouldn't put it past the wives and/or husbands... "tit for tat" some might say...

Dianne...I think you may have misunderstood the meaning of my post; and perhaps my intent to come here in the first place.

I didn't come here to seek an endorsement for my situation. I didn't come here to seek understanding. I didn't come here to inflict pain on anyone. I could have stated what city he is based in; what airline he flies for; where he lives...any number of things which might have planted seeds of doubt. But I didn't.

I'm pretty sure that his wife does not post here at all...perhaps is not interested in computer communications..I don't know. I do know that I have sought genuine information from those who could provide it. It isn't that I doubt him, but I believe serious decisions should not be based on limited or one-sided information. I am not patting myself on the back Dianne, but I think I have been honest and open regarding my deires here. I have not been sarcastic nor have I tried to "wave" my position in anyone's face. I have stayed away from any flagrant, descriptive moments in our relationship and have tried to be as delicate as I could while still be honest and open about it.

I am not his "mistress". His mistress is flying. Am I a friend? Yes..as he is mine. Do I love him and care deeply about him? Yes...there is no way I would ever deny that. Do I seek to protect him? Always...

When I said that someone else might not care about his wife, I was not being disengenuous. I DO care because it effects him and anything that effects him concerns me. I also care about her as a woman regardless of what you choose to believe or disbelieve. NO one here knows all the details of his life...nor would I air them here. That isn't why I came. It might have been easy for me to say "She does this or doesn't do this...." but what difference would that have made? I came to ask what it is about the lifestyle...what wives go through, so that I might have another venue through which to understand.

All I was trying to say in my comment about his wife, was that, the situation could indeed be worse. I could have been more interested in his earning power; his position; his lifestyle. But that isn't how I feel. If he chose to leave, and lost everything..it wouldn't matter to me. If it made him miserable...then it would matter. It DOES matter.

And, regarding "appropriate/inappropriate" comments, all I meant was that sarcasm, condemnations, etc. would be just as inappropriate as if I had come here a callously jumped for joy about having an extra-marital affair. It would have accomplished nothing...and only served to inflame, which was not my intent.

To those of you who have tried to open my eyes...make me aware...even enlighten me....thank you.

d.g.

[Bigsweetie]

Dancinggirl,
I don't think that most of us have been that sarcastic. The thing you need to understand is that alot of people, when they found out we were marrying pilots, would say "don't you worry about him hooking up with flight attendants?" Or "I hear that alot of pilots cheat on their wives and have women in every city."

For some people, it was as if they WANTED me to worry. I think that whenever you tell someone that your husband is a pilot, they assume that you are rich/arrogant, and if they are jealous, they TRY to get you to worry about that sort of thing (at least how that's how it was for me). That way they can say "well, my husband doesn't make that much money, but at least I don't have to worry about him cheating on me." There's a huge misconception out there about pilots and the lifestyle that their family leads.

So I think that some women here were suspicious of your post as someone who just wanted to ruffle our feathers. But I believe that we have hashed this out enough... we've answered your questions (i think) as best we can.

Good luck this weekend. I know it will be hard, but I'm very glad to hear that you are ending it. It is the right thing to do.. even if he finds someone else. You are doing the right thing by ending it.

Tanya

[Anonymous]

Thank you for responding BigSweetie...

I think you are right...this has probably been hashed to death by now. And..most have been courteous and helpful. And, for that I am grateful and appreciative.

I must have opened a can of worms here though because I see that my posts, in this category have had 750 views....more than any other category...sorry...again...I did not mean to disrupt or inflame.

Yes...this weekend will be difficult...if I get to see him to talk with him. Not sure if other plans will interfere with that. I suppose I could send a long & detailed email..but I feel that I owe him the dignity and respect of a face-to-face discussion. He has always treated me the same...

Thank you again ...

d.g.

[MQAAord]

I think you're right in that a face-to-face is necessary. I know it's going to be difficult! Be strong! You have the strength to do this!


I said before that my dh and I split up for a while before we were married. He was balking at making any sort of real commitment to me, and I'd had enough. He had finally made it to the 'major' airline job he'd wanted, and he'd finally reached the goals he had set for himself, which is wonderful! I'm so proud of him for knowing what he wanted professionally in life and going out there and getting it. I wasn't demanding a ring 'right now', but I wanted the promise that marriage was somewhere in the relativly near future, and he wouldn't give that to me. So, I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I told him that we shouldn't see each other anymore until he could make up his mind about me. I so did not want it to have to come to that, and I wanted more than anything for him to tell me not to leave, but he didn't, he let me walk out the door. We'd known each other/dated for over 5 years, and I loved him more than anything. But I wasn't going to accept the relationship standing still the way it was. Leaving was absolutly the hardest thing I've ever, EVER had to do. But I did it. I even managed to stay strong, and not call him, though every day I wanted to. I told myself every day that he didn't love me, he didn't want to see/talk to me, and to let it go. 6 very long weeks later he called me at 2am when I was on an overnight. We stayed up all that night talking, and ended up back together. We got married two years later. Even now, thinking about the night we broke up still stings, but I know it was what had to be done. Even he has said that my leaving was the kick in the ass he needed to really realize what he wanted in life.

I'm not one for baring personal info like this easily, I'm not a very open person sometimes! But I guess I see a bit of similarity in what you're going to have to do this weekend! Granted, my dh wasn't already married while we were dating, but I know first hand how much it hurts to have to leave someone you love. But I can also tell you that sometimes, in my situation as well as yours, that it must be done. If I had the strength to do it, you can too.

You have a pm waiting for you...

d.g.

[Barbara]

MQAAord-
Beautifully put.

[Kristie]

Amber, I have to say we have pretty similar experiences in the "dating" scenario! Luckily, I didn't have to break up with him because on the final night of my "sh*t or get off the pot" ultimatum, he proposed.. so I guess I got lucky there.. but we had been together for 8 yrs and he was already 3 yrs into the major's.. his excuse for marrying is the same as bill's -> wanting to get into the major's... so after 3 years of him being in the major's, I was like "whatupdude".. cross the line already....hahaha

so yea...to this day, he'll tell you that I didn't give him a timeline... but I told him that he had 2 months (till valentines day) to make his decision... and I guess he heard me! haha

anyways... end of thread hijack!! 8)

[Barbara]

Has anyone heard from Dancing Girl, and how the breakup went (if it went?)?