When husbands get distant

[runfar66]

I have been with my dh for 4 years, married for almost 2. He was previously married to a totally paranoid, crazy nutcase who grilled him mercilessly while he was away on trips.

As a result of that, I have been conditioned to not even ASK who is going with when he says he is going for a beer while on a layover. If I make any mention of who the coworkers are, or even ask about the wives of the other pilots, he gets super defensive.

At the beginning of our relationship, I always felt good about things and never ever doubted his dedication to me but recent stresses (loss of one job, aquisition of another, training, marriage, new baby, new house, huge mortgage) have made him more distant and irritable. He is not as loving or attentive as he once was so I feel like I am losing him. I was married once before so I know the signs of distance and impending divorce and have seen some of the signs here.

Plus, he has told me that some f/a's had the nerve to ask him things like "are you sure you can deal with a woman with kids" and another asked "are you in LOVE with her?"

I work as a police officer, 90% male force, and I would NEVER question a co worker's love for his wife..I love hearing when the guys I work with talk well about their wives! How unprofessional for an f/a to say that to a married pilot.

I would like to feel secure and confident while he is away. It is bad enough to be without him for days at a time but to not only miss him but to worry that someone is making a move on him, really stresses me out and takes a toll on the marriage!

Plus, we have such varying schedules that we never "date" anymore. No free time together other than running errands or chores around the house. And here he is, going out for drinks while away. UGH!

My question is this: Did everyone on this board have an agreement about conduct with co workers? How free time is spent, etc? I can't even get to that point in a discussion with my husband, he just gets mad and calls me jealous. How discouraging.