When husbands get distant

[Kristie]

Originally Posted by runfar66

My dh says that every pilot he knows has a super well adjusted, trusting wife that does just fine at home while the husband is gone, meaning that he thinks that the wife or gf never complain about the stress of being stuck home with all the responsibilities, always trusts that no f/a, gate agent or passenger would ever flirt with them, and is just generally stress-free about this whole "here today, gone tomorrow" lifestyle. He thinks I should be the same way.

Every pilot he knows?! how long has he been flying? if it's anything under 5 in total, then i might believe that statement.

There's no WAY that every pilot has a super well adjusted trusting wife...us wives/GF's always complain. it may not be this week, but it might be the next...hahaha

he's just probably trying to get you to relax more...but when that type of verbage come up, i simply roll my eyes knowing that it's not the truth and wondering why he'd tell me something so obviously not true.

[runfar66]

DH has been a commerical pilot for 10 years...worked for ACA/Independence, and now Airtran. It seems like the guys he flies with don't talk much about relationships, like we women do.

They talk about about the basics and don't share details. I guess it doesn't seem manly to talk about relationship problems with other guys. So since he does not hear these guys complain about the problems these women have with this lifesyle, he just assumes that other women are doing ok with it.

He has a problem with me having some problems with this lifestyle. And they are not huge problems. Just that sometimes it gets to me more than other times! But if I complain AT ALL about anything to him while he is away, he gets very upset. So I just don't complain. If something really bothers me, I will email it to him and preface it very diplomatically so we don't argue.

For example, he is a huge procrastinator. I have gotten mad at him because he did not write down his schedule before he left and I have NO IDEA when he is coming home next. I work full time and have a 16 month old that I have to arrange childcare for. Hello!!! And Airtran has a complex signon procedure..I still don't know how to do it to check his schedule. And it doesnt really tell me when he can expect to be home because he commutes and knows the flights to Chicago from ATL way better than I do...

And I have told him about this board and told him that other wives and gfs of pilots have the same concerns and issues as I do, he thinks that we are the exception and most other wives and gfs are the "normal" ones and are just happy to be in a relationship. Gimme a break!

[the_woman_99]

And I have told him about this board and told him that other wives and gfs of pilots have the same concerns and issues as I do, he thinks that we are the exception and most other wives and gfs are the "normal" ones and are just happy to be in a relationship. Gimme a break![/quote]

Please....Don't even get me started today...I am bitchy!!!

Nothing against your pilot or anything because I am sure that mine thinks the same thing but seriously men sometimes are so stupid. I think that they should be so lucky to be with US!!! I think that we put up with a ton of there crap all because we love them or what not but when guys say something stupid like that it pisses me off!

Sorry if I offended anyone. Like I said I am just off today.

[Tallgrl98]

Originally Posted by runfar66

And I have told him about this board and told him that other wives and gfs of pilots have the same concerns and issues as I do, he thinks that we are the exception and most other wives and gfs are the "normal" ones and are just happy to be in a relationship. Gimme a break!

To me, that says that the other women are so desperate for a relationship, they will tolerate his kind of behavior. I don't know about you, but no one wants to be in a relationship with someone desperate. I also don't want to sound like a not-very-nice person, but it sounds like he has some control issues. People with control issues don't share any information that gives others a perceived advantage. It also doesn't seem very responsible to me that he's not sharing scheduling information that helps with daycare.

I don't think that his behavior is normal.

Just my two cents.

Ok. I'm done.

[Tallgrl98]

Wait wait - one more thing - i dont' think you're desperate. I hope it didn't come across that way. You are not desperate because you aren't tolerating this behavior.

[Chi829]

Originally Posted by runfar66

l And Airtran has a complex signon procedure..I still don't know how to do it to check his schedule.

I wouldn't know what to do if I didnt have access to Bill's schedule, I would never know where he was coming home (well I would but u know what I mean) maybe u could have your hubby sit down with you one time and walk you through the sign on process? That way you could see how he does it and you could write the login names down so you dont forget? Just a suggestion.

[Brenda]

Originally Posted by the_woman_99

I think that they should be so lucky to be with US!!! I think that we put up with a ton of there crap all because we love them or what not but when guys say something stupid like that it pisses me off!

.

That's right!

[mcmuffinpilot]

Well maybe I'm lucky or well..... me and my DH are still newly weds but.....

When he calls me to check in from being on a 4 day trip its always the same comment " were your ears burning? well they should have ? the crew and I have been talking about you "

and I still get the "I miss you so much " and its only been two days! I'm very grateful that he still gets this way about me, but we are still very new to this way of life yet and so far we are doing okay fine .
I'll check in with you guys if things change on this subject though

[Soccer Mom]

I was telling my dh about this thread this morning over the phone Right now, he is on his trip. (we have been married for almost 5 years and together for 7) Anyways, we came to the conclusion we both must be very needy and insecure. LOL! It is nothing for us to talk on the phone 3-5 times a day. I hear all about the pilots he flies with, how the trip went, passengers etc... I don't ask he loves to share that part of his life with me I guess.
I tell him about things going on in my day. Usually less exciting, cleaned the house, went to the hospital to visit our son, soccer stuff, kids, etc...
If for some reason he knows that he won't be able to call me or will need to sleep in that morning, he calls and warns me or emails me.
Sometimes he puts me to sleep telling me the details of his day. LOL!

We both think great communication is the only way a relationship should be. Maybe we go overboard with it, but it really sounds like your relationship is lacking that communication. I would never survive being married to my pilot if he didn't communicate with me. He could communicate a little less sometimes but I just love hearing his voice when he isn't here.

He also calls the kids and our son in the hospital daily to see how they are doing with school, soccer, CAP, and to remind them even though he is gone he knows what is going on in our house and also that he loves them.

[Regina]

My husband and I talk several times a day too; and it, too, is him calling me just to say hi or that he's thinking of me. It may only be a minute conversation, or it may be a long conversation (depending on sit time or what is going on around the house).

Works for us, but everyone is different. Communication is important, but how much of it during a trip really is up to an agreement by the couple. I know some people that would just get irritated by talking so much, but I also know other people that say that is what helps ease their husband being gone.....And this is after 8 years of marriage (our anniversary was yesterday 9-11) and being together for 13 years. Our communication is better now than it was 13 years ago...go figure.