struggling

[roz]

I echo Jan. I did it back when flights were not so full (pre 9/11) so we went everywhere. I didn't go with DH, but I went with my sister who was the women's marketing director at Ford Motor Company. I'm still not very comfortable flying on DH's flights--after all these years you'd think I would like it--but I always feel like an intruder. Even when the crew was overly nice, I always heard them complain about other spouses on trips.

It's different now. And it's different when you only need one seat. When you need two or more, it's a challenge.

But I am going on one of DH's trips next week! He has three nights in ACY--all really doable for fun time! I'm going to the beach and don't have to worry about 3 ounce containers in a zip lock bag!

[jr_lenz]

This is an ongoing conversation in our hosehold, and like some others we have "rules" for going out, no going out solo with females ect...but it is hard not to feel bitter when you a strugling through a day then you get a call that says he guess what we are going to go..... this has been a hard pill for me to swallow, I have come up with differnt plans for when i get hit with the bitterness. I stop worrying about the house and what "needs" to get done, I will take the puppy and my son to the park, and the two of them always put a smile on my face. I will go work out a new beat on the drums ( the neighbors hate this one). and I have a couple of good friends that I can call and say " he's out tonight and I am so mad..." I either end up going over and having a good girl talk, or they spend an hour on the phone with me and I work through it. I have really been trying not to get mad everytime he goes out, b/c there is the times that I have had too much, and I tell him no I need you to stay in and talk to me tonight. since I have been better the other times he is willing to give a little too.

[Londoner]

I must admit I've reacted badly a couple of time to my husband having a good time on trips - one, memorably, when he had a two night stopover in lapland before Christmas. He and his crew did the whole tourist thing - reindeer rides, skidoo safaris, dinner in an ice house around a fire - and I was horribly jealous. Partly because I was stuck at home working, partly because he rarely had a mobile phone signal, so it was difficult getting hold of him, and also partly because he was with a large number of young cabin crew - who all tend to be pretty, single and in some cases rather (ahem) 'loose' with their favours So I basically sulked, and when he called I was distant and pissed off.

When he came back, I realised I'd been a complete idiot. He'd spent a lot of the time taking hundreds of pictures of things he wanted me to see, had gone off a fair amount on his own, had found the girlies annoying, and was very very hurt I hadn't texted him for the final day he was there. He also said the entire thim he was there, he wished I was there to share it. He'd also brought the purser to tears telling her how much he loved his wife (she was going through her second divorce at the time.)

So - the moral of the story (for me, anyway) is to remember that a stopover, however glamourous it seems, is not the same as a holiday with someone you love. You are thrown together with people you may not like, and often have to take part in group activities you'd rather not.

Plus, of course, it all comes down to trust. We trust each other completely. He was in Seattle recently for a week, picking up a new 737 from Boeing. For most of the time, he only had one colleague, a female purser, for company. I wasn't bothered in the slightest. She was married too, and my husband went out of the way to point out that she drove him nuts!

So I try to be calmer now. I can't say I'm perfect (far from it) but I've certainly learned a useful lesson...

[ccbegay]

Often in times like these, I try to put myself in the other person's shoes, which I will be honest is very difficult...

When G was doing ground in Houston, and even on overnight trips these days, I had a hard time swallowing being left alone...I thought why would he want to do this, if he's not too thrilled about the airline lifestyle...we had done the long distance relationship for two years, and all I wanted was to be with him...all in all, I wanted to begin our 'In Real Life' relationship, and I was very bitter about this whole situation...

When he was away, I failed to look at it, that he is the one away from home, living in the crummy hotel, doing the endless hours of studying, eating crummy food, and yes he is alone too...

In times like these, I dwell on the memories of our relationship...the not so glamourous times, and how we always come through...communication and trust, it goes a long ways...

[Kristie]

Originally Posted by jr_lenz

This is an ongoing conversation in our hosehold, and like some others we have "rules" for going out, no going out solo with females ect...but it is hard not to feel bitter when you a strugling through a day then you get a call that says he guess what we are going to go..... this has been a hard pill for me to swallow, I have come up with differnt plans for when i get hit with the bitterness. I stop worrying about the house and what "needs" to get done, I will take the puppy and my son to the park, and the two of them always put a smile on my face. I will go work out a new beat on the drums ( the neighbors hate this one). and I have a couple of good friends that I can call and say " he's out tonight and I am so mad..." I either end up going over and having a good girl talk, or they spend an hour on the phone with me and I work through it. I have really been trying not to get mad everytime he goes out, b/c there is the times that I have had too much, and I tell him no I need you to stay in and talk to me tonight. since I have been better the other times he is willing to give a little too.

those are really great ideas!!! i like the idea of being proactive vs reactive most of the time.

He'd spent a lot of the time taking hundreds of pictures of things he wanted me to see,

thats doug too... when he came back from madrid, he said it just wasn't the same without me there and wanted me to see the pics, right then, right there!! of course, i was jealous cuz i had wanted to go but i can't make every trip... so i need the adjustment time...but it was really nice to hear him constantly say "when we go back...you have to come with and then i'll take you tohere.. and here.. and here..." the only thing i think bout is that i'll have to tell him that we'll need to go to a few places on our own so we can make our own memories and it won't be all "i remember last time i was here..."

funniest thing is that now, he keeps saying "well, if you came to paris, you could stay for the entire week and we'd only have to pay for 2 days of hotel cuz the other 3 are paid for as i come and go between CDG and CVG"...NOW, i have to remind him that i have a job

if only....

he even has the attitude of when he gets back into JFK one weekend, i could meet him there and we could take off for a weekend of our own.. NOW, he says traveling a weekend a month is different.. maybe cuz he has more time at home now? i dunno.

but anyways, he's already printed out next months trips, highlighted the longer layover trips for me so i can just choose one so that i can try and go with him without it affecting work too much. he's really working hard to try and keep me in the loop, i'll give him that!

[BAC]

Excellent posts everyone!

I too suffer from that jealousy. But I'm fairly new to the *other female* aspect of it because my boyfriend just switched from cargo to an airline with FAs. And also.. his airplane has TWO FAs.

During his OE, he would go out with his whole crew and it bothered me a little. I miss him when he's gone, and also he's spending time with other women. But chances are, like Londoner said, the girls get on their nerves or are taken and happy. I have heard numerous stories about "loose" flight attendents, and those stories tend to stick out in everyone's minds...

[Amanda]

Originally Posted by BAC

I too suffer from that jealousy. But I'm fairly new to the *other female* aspect of it because my boyfriend just switched from cargo to an airline with FAs. And also.. his airplane has TWO FAs.

I have to laugh because Nick now has 8-9 FAs on his flights! When he was hired at Mesa he WAS the FA on the 1900. Boy have things changed.

I don't worry at all thank goodness!
I think I would go crazy if I was the jealous type.

[BAC]

Originally Posted by Amanda

I have to laugh because Nick now has 8-9 FAs on his flights! When he was hired at Mesa he WAS the FA on the 1900. Boy have things changed.

Haha, that's right.. for those really big planes they need a lot! But after 8+ people in a crew, they probably don't "band" together when the crew is only 3 or 4.. I could be wrong.

[Amanda]

Originally Posted by BAC

Haha, that's right.. for those really big planes they need a lot! But after 8+ people in a crew, they probably don't "band" together when the crew is only 3 or 4.. I could be wrong.

Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. On one of Nick's 1st Int'l flights the entire crew went sightseeing.

On Nick's last Int'l trip an FA about 45 yo asked Nick to dinner alone (he said no) and then called his room later to ask him if he wanted to "take a walk" (again he said no)! We called her a "cougar"!! She was after my man but he knows better than to get in a questionable situation.

[roz]

Usually at DH's airline the front crew have different schedules than the back crew. So he rarely has enough time. Even on the international trips, half the time they arrive and have a layover, but the FA's turn around. He doesn't even know their names half the time.

I just returned from a business trip (on an airline that was NOT DH's airline) and was seated in front due to my FF status. I was trying to work but the talk was loud. The FA's were seated up front after giving a single service. They were discussing a "wife" that came on a previous trip. They said she was annoyed that she wasn't seated up front when FF's were upgraded over her. They didn't like the fact that she wanted to take pictures of her hubby. They didn't like the fact that she kept them waiting while she did it and they get bonused on on time departures. They went on and on and on talking about all their "wife" experiences. I was really annoyed because I was trying to work!

That's why I still don't feel comfortable to go on DH's trips! Besides, I'm getting too old to fly to Paris for breakfast (which is what I used to do). But you ladies are younger, so go for it! Just remember to keep a low profile, don't make a stink about where you sit--it's free so be happy, don't ever take pictures of your hubby or delay things! In fact, bring along nice things to give out to the FA crew--which is what I always do when on non-rev status.