Feeling disconnected

[FlightWife101]

Has anyone had the feeling of being completely disconnected from your spouse when he returns after 5 days on reserve?
We talk every day when he is gone. But I still just feel totally weird when he is home.
He started training in April, started reserve at the beginning of July. So I know I am in an adjustment period yet. I guess I am just looking for re-assurance that I am not the only one.

[fly-girl]

In my opinion, reserve has got to be one of the hardest times to get through. As if training itself isn't hard enough on a relationship, then they go straight to sitting reserve for 5 days at a time. I think the word adjustment is an understatement! I think everyone deals with it differently depending on their circumstances. I too felt disconnected from my fiance at times when he was on reserve but it was mostly while he was gone, instead of when he was home. So I know the feelings you are going through--I just felt them at different times. Sorry I couldn't be of more help! You'll get through this tough time. Remember, communication is key so be sure to voice your feelings to your DH.

[Kristie]

oh yea! there are a lot of times I feel disconnected from DH.. sometimes when i'm in my "too independent" phase and we don't talk for a few days or when he has a long trip like 5 days with 2 commute days, when i'm working too hard (at work) and even sometimes when he's home and I just need my 3' "clear" radius - it typically takes me a day to get used to having him home again, it takes him a day to recoup and get back into the "home" thing again...

I definately agree with fly-girl in that communication is the key and the best part is that it doesn't really matter what type of communication you use. Whether it's talking, playing a board game, getting some nookie, playing the "stare" game, or getting some nookie! Did i mention getting some nookie?! hahaha [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] either way, it'll help you and him get that connection back.

Training and reserve, I agree, is usually the hardest on the mind and heart! talk about it and let him know how much you miss him! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[CaptainsWife]

I totally feel that. I hate when he is gone because I know my life has been running normally and he hasn't a clue how hard I work with the kids, just the day to day stuff. He comes home and I feel like he is a visitor!

[lrcantrell]

I feel that way also mainly because I work so hard to get everything done so when he's here he can just enjoy being with us. But, sometimes I think that makes it look like we do nothing all day because he doesn't see all the work and preperation that I do. He's had alot more days home this month though so that's helping him see the more day to day stuff. It's not good in the fact that we're waiting for the furlough list but at least he's getting more time home....hopefully not more time than he wants!!!

[jamauk]

My husband and I went through this right after our child was born and I became a stay at home mom. He knew I was killing myself trying to take care of an infant and get everything done while he was gone so he could just enjoy his family and hang out when he was home.
Every time the baby would cry, I would jump up. If dh said he was hungry, I would rush to fix something to eat. Finally, he said he was sick of feeling like a "guest" in his own home. Without realizing it, I was treating him like a visitor and trying to protect him from the "day to day stuff." Now, on his first and last days home, I still make sure the calendar is clear and there are no errands so he can recoup/prepare for trips, but on the in between days we run errands, he helps with the baby, if I'm too tired to cook, he'll make spaghetti, etc.
I'm still struggling with keeping the housework done while he's home, but its getting better. I find I'm a lot less stressed out because I don't have to make a mad dash to get everything done while he's gone and he is able to appreciate everything it takes to run a household because he isn't being sheltered from the mundane everyday stuff.

I don't know if this answered the original question....just thought I'd throw in what works for us! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Kristie]

[quote:e4d47c4f2e="CaptainsWife"]He comes home and I feel like he is a visitor![/quote:e4d47c4f2e]That's what doug says when he comes home...he feels like a visitor in his own home. he comes home, does some house work like the lawn or spraying etc, then goes back to work.. a lot of times, he says he feels like his hotel is more home than his actual home is...

and it's mostly because he's just always gone.. home 3 days, gone 4 etc etc...the first day, i let him recoup and wind down and the rest of the days are spent doing stuff that needs to get done and then boom, he's off again...so, for him, it seems like he doesn't even get time to sit and relax in his own home, even if he is home all day long. He likes doing the lawn and maintaining the house, he just doesn't like not enjoying the fruits of his labor...

It's just hard for everyone all around I think!!

Thats the nature of the beast tho... If only the lottery were to come our way!