How would you feel?

[Lurker]

As Dr Phil says..."If you need help - then he needs to help you"

Your man needs to work with you on this one clearly...but in truth, I'm hearing that your issue is more about dealing with the whole pilot/FA thing. If you truly believed that not everything you hear about this is true, I believe you wouldn't have such a hard time with the crashpad issue.

Its true that if they are going to cheat, they will - doesn't matter what job they are in...although it could be said that pilots have perhaps a little more opportunity and a few more women throwing themselves at them (and not necessarily FA's either).

I did have a real hard time getting over all that (not made any easier by family either). What really helped me though was spending time with my BF whilst he is on layovers...you really get to see just how boring and routine it is (not the party central you are lead to believe).

I don't know what the culture is like also at your man's company but with my BF's, the FA's and the tech crew simply do not mix, EVER. In fact, tech crew would be ill thought of by their peers if they consorted with FA's and FA's get labelled moles if they even attempt to speak to the techies.

Don't let it eat you up...or become an issue you always go on about in talking to your man. Have faith. ...and keep posting here - its a unique situation and one not many people can help you with. There are some great ladies here who understand and are here for support!

[Chi829]

In no way shape or form did I ever try to insinuate that someone did not have respect for their husband. I hesitate to offer opinions on web boards like this for the sake of information sounding the wrong way. I apologize if I came across as you disrespecting your DH. I tried to clearly state that what works for us may not work for other couples and vice versa. I totally agree with how Tanya explained it. I hope this clears up spme of my wording.

[Kimberly]

I second that. As Tanya mentioned, it means that if one spouse is struggling, then the other should be sensitive to that, and there should a quite a bit of dialogue as to how to remedy this. I in NO way meant that you disrespected your husband. I think that this forum is a great sounding board, and I also admire the fact that although we are all pilot's wives, our perspectives and relationships with our spouses/SO are all unique. I also respect other people's opinions. So please understand that I can only talk from my personal experience, which may differ from others here. Again, something that I value greatly in this forum!!

[Pilot Princess]

Thank you all for the replies and PM's...

I talked with him last night, and he told me that he was going to look for a different bed. Whenever someone moves out of a bed, it's first come, first serve...so hopefully, it changes SOON.

As I said before, I trust him and trust he will not do anything dishonest. However, I just think that is sets the stage for misunderstandings and a possible "accident" he may regret later. Sometimes things can be taken too far, and I am just not wanting to have to deal with that on top of everything else Him and I already have to deal with. Although him and I are not married, we will never get to that point if there isn't mutual respect...things don't just get better after marriage as all of you know.

I have talked to him about moving to an all male crashpad, but he doesn't think it would be fair of him to up and leave, as his friend (also a pilot for the same company) moved into the crashpad 2 weeks ago, so he would be leaving his buddy there...(too bad is what I say, but I can't say that to him).

[MQAAord]

Originally Posted by Pilot Princess

. However, I just think that is sets the stage for misunderstandings and a possible "accident" he may regret later.

An accident? Cheating is a choice, not an accident! "Oh, whoops, there I was, walking down the street and Ooops, I had sex with a stranger!" People make conscious decisions about who to sleep with or not sleep with! (Unless there's serious drugs involved, which is a WHOLE other story.....)

/tangent




I do sincerely hope that you guys can resolve the situation so you're both happy. Sometimes I can come off a bit harsh, as I really do see things differently considering my own time with the airlines. I'm admittidly hyper-sensitive to the "flight attendants are sluts who are out to sleep with anything" mentality that seems to refuse to be left in the 70's. Sure, there's some out there like that, you'll find girls like that anywhere. But I can assure you there's lots of nice, professional, responsible girls who only want to date single guys (assuming they're single themselves! Lots of F/As are married with families of their own....)!

It sounds like you've expressed how you feel to him. I hope that he listened and you guys can work something out!

[Pilot Princess]

I know not all FA's are like that. By all means, I am not trying to lump every FA in one category. I am just talking about the ones who live at this crashpad. He told me himself, they are all very young, and over dramatic, and I know of at least 2 of them who are more than willing to go after guys living there who are not single. One of them is currently trying to make one of the pilots girlfriend's jealous by doing things that a mature, professional woman would not do. The mentality is that of girls in highschool. The crap he has told me, and what I have witnessed about these girls gives me a bad vibe. These particular FA's are the ones who give the rest of the FA's the bad reputation...know what I mean?

What I meant by something accidentally might occur, I meant more along the lines of him being nice and one of them taking it the wrong way and think he is interested. Not that he would "accidentally" cheat! THAT would not be an accident...

[Kristie]

Originally Posted by Pilot Princess

too bad is what I say, but I can't say that to him.

uhhh yes you can! and should.. if he's going to choose his buddy over you and your feelings/misgivings then you may be headed into a losing battle. it should be you because i'm sure his buddy would do whatever needs to be done to squelch any future miscommunications if his (buddy's) wife told him she was uncomfortable!

his buddy should have nothing to do with it....it's about you and him.

as far as "accidental" niceties...you have to remember that even if it is construed incorrectly by the girls, you have to trust your husband to do the right thing... if you don't trust him enough to do right by you then you should sit down and talk in person and get the matter resolved. because building up that trust will take a heck of a lot of work but any one bit of miscommunication and the whole newly built wall falls down. but ultimately, it comes down to trusting your husband - who cares about whether or not you trust the girls...it's your husband you need to be concerned about. if he were to cross the line, then it'd be his fault...not so much theirs for tempting him...

there are always going to be temptations - around every corner - with anyone - at any time...it's ultimately going to be your trust and his trust that get you through/past those obstacles but if you don't have the foundation set just right.. it will crack and break at some point.

[Pilot Princess]

Just to clarify to anyone who may have took my relationship status as SO as being married...No. We are not married. We have been together for a year so far, but we are not married. That's why I feel I don't have the right to "tell him" too bad. Now if we were married, I wouldn't hesitate, but we are not married, so I feel it's not my place to tell him this.

[Amanda]

I was away for a bit (in L.A.) so I'm a little late chiming in...

My bf Nick had a crashpad in New Mexico a little over a year ago. It was with 3-4 other guys. He knew them all. One brought a girl there and Nick "heard everything"! I know he wasn't please about it... although (ha ha) he said the noise didn't last long.

Nick and I went through our "rough patch" last year, but I trust him 100%. I wouldn't make a big deal if he had female roomies, but I definitely wouldn't want him sleeping in the same room. I also would prefer that he lives with guys. He's been living with me for a while now in PHX and thank goodness hasn't needed a crash pad.

He is supposed to get an upgrade soon and it would mean that he will be based in DC (Dulles). I guess we'll see what happens then!

[Kristie]

well, that makes the situation different then...it involves even more of a trust and communication issue and it will get worse if you don't talk about it and make your uncomfortableness known...if the relationship is going well and you don't want any miscommunications, then there still has to be a line drawn in the sand....

granted, you really can't ask him to leave his buddy behind so, in lieu of that, you need to work on the trust issue on your side of the fence. If at any point, you find your trust waning, talk to him and find common ground.. compromise...as long as he's trying on his end to make you feel more comfortable, then it's progress, IMO. but if your noticing red flags and feeling the little hairs on your neck stand up...follow them because in most cases, your intuition is trying to tell you something important.