Bummed about the Holidays:(

[Pilot Princess]

I am so bummed out, and I just need to vent I guess...sucks, my BF just upgraded to CA at XJET, and because he got accepted in October, he had to pick a time slot out of 5 available time slots, to do his training in Houston. Well of course, he got his LAST choice, and starts training the first week of December...so...he will be done with training and they will give him his reserve schedule, and chances are, most likely he will be sitting reserve in Newark Christmas and New Years He said that when you first start out on reserve, you get really shi**y schedules, and are working, or on call, every weekend and most holidays...I could just cry! It's bad enough that he got stuck having to work thanksgiving (he bids tues-thurs 4 day trips), but now this! We won't be able to spend ANY of our "first holiday" holidays together!

It was quite a shock that he got upgraded as quick as he did...he started in 2001, right before September 11, and got furloughed September 30 of that year. Then he was working other jobs here and there until he got called back 2 years ago (2003). He had been bidding for CA since him and I have been together (9 months), but neither one of us thought he would get it any time this year, he figured it wouldn't be at the earliest, until late next year. SO imagine my complete surprise, shock, then happiness and then total devastation at the same time...I would NEVER let him know how much it really affected me, I wanted to be as supportive of his dream as I possibly can...and I kept telling him how I am so happy for him that his goals and dreams are being accomplished, but inside I was worried about us, the future, and knew that he would be sitting reserve for a long time..something I have never had to deal with in this relationship. We had talked about the holidays, and how he was so senior as an FO that he could hold most holidays off, and what we were going to do on New Years, Christmas, Thanksgiving...and now ALL of that is just a distant dream...

Just wondering if anyone else has had to deal with this so early in a relationship and how you dealt with it.

I am trying to look at is as: It's only a holiday, (well all three), and we can make up our holiday together when he gets home...but how do you deal with the fact that not just one holiday, but ALL the major ones you will not be seeing your loved one? How do you make up your first New Years Eve together? Or your First Christmas? Or Thanksgiving? I knew what I was getting into with this type of lifestyle, but neither one of us anticipated any of this happening this soon... Any support or guidance would be of GREAT help to me.

[Chi829]

Ok,, hear me out,,,, DO NOT GIVE UP JUST YET,,,,, let me tell you my story,,, my husband , we were engaged at the time,,, but last year when he started new hire training, he started on Oct. 4th..... by the way, ASA has about a 9 week training course including IOE,,,, i was sooooo down about him missing thanksgiving, xmas, and new years,,, BUT what happened was that he got all the holidays off because training does not run on hilidays, and even when he finished,,, mid Dec,,, it took scheduling about a week to get a schedule for him,, even though he was on reserve. SO, don't give up just yet,, i know it may be a little far feteched, but you never know,, it may be different with new hires VS upgrade training, but keep your fingers crossed,,, sorry if i just made no sense at all but i have faith!! and if he does wind up sitting reserve in EWR,,, pack up the son and head to EWR !! I know,,, easier said then done huh?

[Kristie]

If it helps any, my DH and I have been together 12 years and in those 12 years - he's only had one xmas & new years (BOTH!) off and it was last year!! He's been at DAL for 8 years now...

After a while, you start to get used to the idea that you'll be spending holiday time with your family or friends or on your own.. and you get used to the idea of celebrating before or after...

before you know it, everyday (literally) becomes xmas.. xmas becomes "A day" and most other couples (outside of aviation) just can't understand why xmas is no longer all that important...but you do... you understand that it's about you and him - the dates and days don't matter - as long as you have each other!!

See - everyone out there (points outside) sees a holiday as being, in a sense, sacred to having days off of work and getting together with family and so forth - but what they tend to forget is that there are 350+ other days out there that are not holidays, that are not celebrated and that nobody seems to care about.. it's just the same ol moving on type of deal - whereas i've come to realize that a holiday is just "another" day and that everyday i'm with my dh, whether it's on the phone, on the computer, at home, is sacred.. to the sense of (if this makes any sense) - everyday is a holiday.. everyDAY is a day to be celebrated...

so i tend to not really do much for the holidays - i decorate for xmas and all, but that's a "season" thing..we still go driving around looking at lights, do the dressy dinner party thing etc but I don't really do much for xmas anymore...and I kindof like it that way too (which is a little weird - to even me!).

we don't even really celebrate our birthdays anymore either because he normally can't get off on his birthday (it's right after thanksgiving) and mine's in the middle of summer - so even when it comes to gifts, we don't wait to give them, we just give them and enjoy them...

not everyone is able to do it this way because it's different when children are involved, but i betcha even some of the families with children see/do holidays the same way too - that way, everyone can enjoy and the dh's never feel left out.

make any sense?

one thing i do remember is that it is hard to get accustomed to.. the first few years are the worst because you see all the famillies together having fun, eating too much etc etc...after a while, like everything else, you just become accustomed to it and it's not quite so hard.

as it is, he probably won't have training *on* the holidays but i don't know if he'd be getting a positive space pass to get home and back...anyone else know if training does that for holidays?

[Lurker]

I'm just trying to work out Xmas and NY...I've been with my BF 1 year next month.

He goes on a trip in Mid Dec that lasts until Dec 27th (he does 17 day trips)...He will be in Singapore from the morning of the 25th to the morning of the 27th..I will be flying over to be with him there....we are just deciding if its worth me going over to Australia after that to try to be with him for NY...he gets 3 days off after the Xmas trip but then most likely goes on 3 hr standby. His new roster comes out on Dec 25th Would be pretty mean of them to turn him around so quickly but its not uncommon (we call QF's system e-bay!) and given that he is low on seniority, its a strong possibility. Last year he got sent to LA 3 days before Xmas and lost Xmas day completely thanks to flying back/time differences.

I'm in a position where I don't know if its worth spending the $$$ to wing it and go over there in case he gets sent out on a trip. Hmmmm. Would be great though to see the fireworks at Sydney Harbour bridge.

Decisions decisions. Humpf.

[Chi829]

hey,, wait a minute,, where have i been? I thought you guys called it QUITS? I am soooo glad to see that u r trying to work things out. See what happens when u dont sign on for a few days? U miss out on some really good info!!

[Amanda]

Oh my goodness- I've been with my boyfriend 3+ years and we haven't had one major holiday together since he's been flying for Mesa! That's the airlines! You just celebrate on a different day. We just found out that Nick will have a 2 hour layover in PHX on Thanksgiving so I'm going to bring him a turkey sandwich! You do what you have to do, ya know?

And you should be happy he's getting the upgrade. Nick is hoping to get a Cpt upgrade in January, which will mean a lot more desperately needed money! We realize once he gets the upgrade we will probably not see each other much. Again, we've talked about this and it's what he has to do to get PIC time and then hopefully move on to a bigger and better airline!

Sorry- I hope you don't take my post the wrong way. Maybe I'm just used to the lifestyle now!
Amanda

[Pilot Princess]

No worries Amanda, not taken the wrong way at all

No, like I've said, I knew what I was getting myself into, and like I said, I am a very independent person, having been a single mom for 8 years, living on my own, going to school, and at one point, working two jobs. The biggest thing was that this is quite an adjustment for me, as he was a senior FO when him and I started dating last February, and has been holding off weekends and holidays for quite some time before he even met me. So see, I was used to seeing him on weekends and mondays, and he knew he would be getting New Years and Christmas off because they fell on days he normally didn't work, plus he was in a high seniority position.

But now, he is upgrading, and it's just kind of a bummer that we will not spend any of the holidays together. I was expecting this to happen maybe next year, and I was prepared for that, but neither one of us anticipated it happening this soon.

I have no problem celebrating the holiday before or after he leaves for a trip. Luckily, we live in my hometown, so all of my friends and family are here, it's not as if I have no support or no place to go. I even told him since he got stuck working thanksgiving that on friday, when he got home, I would make a TG dinner and invite our friends over and we would celebrate it then. I am more than willing to bend to fit around the schedule...my post was more or less about not just one holiday, but all three.

And the thing about me going to where he is at and taking a risk of him being called into work, all fine and dandy...in January. He just changed his travel companion from his sister to me last month, but he told me it won't take effect until January 1st. So no hope of me going where he is. I guess New Years is going to be the hardest for me. I don't know why, but I have always seen that as the biggest thing you can't really make up...oh well, I was just looking for others to share any experiences similar to mine.

[Amanda]

Ahhhh I see! Thanks for the additional info. I apologize... sometimes I come across a little blunt, plus I'm in a stressed out mood right now.

Anyway, sometimes I forget that when I first met Nick, he was a flight instructor so we did get to spend a few holidays together. In fact we spent our 1st New Year's together. Of course, that was the last time, after the first year, he's been away for every holiday. We are both from Philly but live in Scottsdale AZ, so when he's not around, I don't have any family around here. I spend a lot of holidays alone. This sounds strange, but I've been invited to be w/ my AZ friends on the holidays, but I usually just choose to spend the time by myself. OK, I'm sounding like a loner here!

It sounds like you are a very independent person, which is great. I am the same way and I think that has helped me adjust to "the lifestyle" quicker than some others. I will tell you though, if any of my friends meet a pilot and want to get involved, I say "rthink twice" because it is such a different relationship than one where you see the person all the time. I love my guy and our relationship is wonderful, but I won't lie- sometimes I wish he was around more. We just make it work by using the phone, email, text/picture messages, etc. It helps to stay connected!

[MQAAord]

Holidays?

Bah. I've been playing the airline game for 10 years now, between flying myself for so long and being 'married' to the industry I'm just used to holidays happening not on the calendar day they're supposed to!

Try not to put so much emphasis on the date. Christmas is so much more than Dec 25th.

I'm sure Bill will be working Christmas, but I couldn't care less. He gets upset, he feels like he's paid his dues and he deserves Christmas off after all these years, but I just don't care.

[Lurker]

Originally Posted by Chi829

hey,, wait a minute,, where have i been? I thought you guys called it QUITS? I am soooo glad to see that u r trying to work things out. See what happens when u dont sign on for a few days? U miss out on some really good info!!

Yeah - it took about 2 weeks for him to realise his mistake. We are back on again but there is now even more stuff than before to deal with.

And I won't be going over to Oz for NY. Its decided