Feeling SO Stupid...

[JenniPage]

So, ladies...

I am sitting here, typing this out and crying, once again...
I know that you don't really know me or my story. All that you might know is that I have been with my BF for about 2-3 months. I know that is nothing compared to the length of time that many of you ladies have been going through this...

Well, I hadn't heard from the BF for a few days and then last night we had a nice long talk. He was sweet and lovie and things were wonderful. Before we hung up he promised me that he would call me the next night at 9 PM. He SWORE that he would and that he was off, so we would have all the time in the world...

So, here I sit... 9pm, 10pm, 11pm and now midnight with no word. I left him a voicemail and I sent him an email.

I just feel so stuoid.
I go for a few weeks and I think that I have finally hit my stride. I think that I have it all under control and I am dealing with this. Then something like this happens, and something like this ALWAYS happens.

So, now I am hurt because I get to sit here and think thayt I am not important enough for him to make 5 minutes for, and I get to feel stupid for letting him do this to me yet again...

And the thing is... I REALLY could do this... If I got even the least little something back in return. But, I can't do this on my own. I don't hear from him for a week and then he is back like he didn't miss a beat.

I feel like a jerk when I try to make demands of his time because I know he is stressed and busy... No matter what I feel like the bad guy...

Ladies, I am SO sorry for the rant... I just had to get this all out.

Thank you for listening...

[flygirl813126]

You don't have to be sorry at all. You two have to talk about this. Tell him that when you are looking for contact a quick e-mail or short phone call is all you need. You have to be sure to let him go on the phone if he only has a few minutes, though. I went and bought a bunch of the 99c cards awhile ago so that whenever I really felt like I needed to I could write in one and seal it up for him. Then I would either put it somewhere I knew he would find later, or else wait for him to get back so I could throw it in his bag to find once he left. He got the hint after a little while.

[JenniPage]

Thank you!

He actually called at like 4 AM. He says that he had been sick all day and then fell asleep. I wish that I believed him more. But, this happens all the time.

I get so mad at myself for always forgiving him for this stuff... But, like I've said before, there is just something about him that makes none of the rules seem to apply.

Thank you, again!!!

[flyershoe]

Originally Posted by JenniPage

Thank you!

He actually called at like 4 AM. He says that he had been sick all day and then fell asleep. I wish that I believed him more. But, this happens all the time.

I get so mad at myself for always forgiving him for this stuff... But, like I've said before, there is just something about him that makes none of the rules seem to apply.

Thank you, again!!!

First of all, don't ever apologize for how you feel!

I was always one of those really needy people who needed constant contact and reinforcement. Well, as you know, that has to change really quickly or you'll drive yourself crazy.

It just plain sucks when someone you care about is gone all of the time and you never see them... if you don't get to talk to them either, it REALLY wears you down.

Saying they're going to call and then not calling is a pet peeve of mine.. Brian is the worst about falling asleep and then not calling. It used to really drive me nuts, but after a while I found out that sometimes he just crashes because his sleep schedule gets so out of synch.

It's good that he finally called you though, no matter what time it is.

I hope that soon you'll be able to really talk to him about what your expectations are as far as communicating... it's sooo important!

On a side note, I read that you're a performing artist - is that you in your signature?? Wow!!!

[Kristie]

Originally Posted by flyershoe

First of all, don't ever apologize for how you feel!

I was always one of those really needy people who needed constant contact and reinforcement. Well, as you know, that has to change really quickly or you'll drive yourself crazy.

believe you not, after almost 13 years of knowing my husband, i honestly remember being just like this....you need to give yourself time.. 2 months is not nearly enough time to adjust... 2 years, should just about do it - no joke! haha

what you've been doing is a very big no-no in our world and that is: sitting by the phone waiting for him to call.

ask yourself, if you were dating a guy down the street and he said he'd call at a certain time... would you sit by the phone and wait or would you keep moving on thinking he'll leave a message if your not home? does he have your cell phone number? if so, use that as the main number to reach you so you can keep doing the things you normally do without feeling the pressure of "having to wait for HIM".

your causing yourself all this undo stress that honestly, is your own doing... and if you want to make yourself feel better, you need to stop doing it. stop sitting around and waiting, get back out and do the same things you used to do before you met him... if you stop being you, whose he gonna be dating?

the biggest falling out I had in *our* relationship was with myself..I fought myself everyday trying to understand what i needed to change and why (about myself). doug had to fight me against me too (as weird as that sounds). i had to teach myself to go about doing the things i want to do and if he had time for me between flights, i had time for him... if i had time for him while on my errands, he had time for me and as long as i maintained my independence separate from him, he was interested....that's the funny thing about my, now, husband... he absolutely loves how independent i am and how it's so easy for me to get by without him. it seems weird to me because you'd think most guys would want a more dependent girl...but i think pilots need women that can handle the daily goings on without constant stress calls.

btw.. quick question...you talk a lot about him calling you... how often do you call him? do you normally get voicemail or does he normally pick up the phone?

[JenniPage]

Kristie,
Yes, that is me in the pic... It was taken in the Spring.

Usually, I would not be sitting by the phone just waiting for him to call, but I just bought a house on a lake in Missouri. I am gutting the entire thng and redoing EVERYTHING. So, I have to be here for all the work that is going on. I am staying at my parents' summer house that is directly across the lake from the house I bought, until my house is rehabbed enough for me to move in...

So, basically, I am sitting around in the country doing nothing but watching people tear things up and making a few random decisions. So, as sad as it is, I have nothing going on right now.

But, regardless of what I am not doing, I still think that it is rather rude to commit to something and then not come through. I am learning to get over this, though. I honestly think that this is teaching me to not be so controling.

Another question: What do you ladies do for the holidays when your loved ones are flying? Do you wait to celebrate until they come home?

Thanks!

[Kristie]

I do.. depending on when he's going to be home. Like he'll be working tomorrow but home friday morning, so we'll cook turkey on friday and i'll probably tivo the macy's parade so we can make it "feel" like it's actually turkey day!

luckily, he won't be home till later morning so that means if i want to hit the 5AM sales, i can! HAHAHAHAHA....

however, i don't normally hold xmas eve simply because i have a few traditions i follow...but if i can, i'll hold it twice so he can enjoy it with me! weird how that works huh?

[JenniPage]

I think that is sweet!!!

I am having Thanksgiving with my family, but I already promised Matthew that we would still do something when we are able to see each other.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!

[Amanda]

Last year I brought Thanksgiving dinner to the airport where we dined in terminal A I believe. It was weird but nice that I could see him. We don't spend many (any?) holidays together. You get used to it!

[flyershoe]

Well this was the first Thanksgiving that we've spent apart, so that kinda sucks. He isn't/wasn't supposed to come home until late Saturday, but his last flight into BUF was canceled and they gave him an overnight in Montreal instead (what is it with this canada crap lately???) and told the crew that if they did it, they would release them tomorrow instead. So he gets to come home a day early!!

I spent the day with my family today... we'll probably do our own version of thanksgiving on Saturday (I do have a bunch of leftovers from today, not terribly traditional, but oh well!!), and then we'll get together with his parents on Sunday to celebrate with them.

I don't mind not celebrating holidays on their actual day too much - I was raised by my father, who was very non-traditional, so we rarely celebrated holidays on the actual holiday or in a traditional way. Most of the time, we just had a Christmas poinsetta instead of a Christmas tree! LOL!