New to this entire thing....

[JenniPage]

I was searching sites on Google when I came across this forum... I was so happy to see that there is a place on the web like this!!!

I have been dating my BF for about 2 months, and he is a FO with Mesa....

I am not sure how or where to start... He and I are both from DFW but he moved to Denver then Albany to fly and I am in STL for the end of my MBA program...

When he was waiting for his class to start with Mesa. we talked every single day, for hours and it was wonderful...

Then after he was sent to Albany and he was actually flying... I am lucky if I hear from him twice a week.

I know that he is stressed and worn out and I have been very good about all this... He tells me that all the time.

I know that he would never cheat, and so I have no worries on that side. It's just that we are such a new couple and I have never been in a situation like this before. It's like non of the "rules" apply.

I know that it may sound silly to say this after only having been with him for 2+ months, but I would really like to build a relationship with him that could last well into the future.

I just don't know how to handle the fact that I never see him and barely hear from him. It just would seem to me that the relationship would be perpetually stuck at a certain point, because you have to spend time together to know if you are right as a couple and we don't have that ablility...

Do you ladies have ANY advice that you might want to share? I would be SO thankful!!!

[Bigsweetie]

Hi Jenni!
I'm married, but i've been in a similar position (well, sort of).

My best advice is that you HAVE to make more time for each other. Either over the phone, or trying in person. I think you're right about getting "stuck" at some point because you don't have enough time together. Especially because your relationship is so new. If you guys had been together for years and had a good foundation, I think you could sustain a long distance thing easier than the situation you have now.

You need time to get to know each other better IMO. Just make the time. He can call you between flights, or late at night right? And you can make sure that you're available as much as you can. Relationships take effort on both parts.

Good luck! And i'm glad you found us!!
Keep posting and let us know how it's going!!!

[UPSwife]

Hello. I am also married, but remember oh so clearly the early days of dating a pilot.

When I met my husband, he was working a lot of reserve--on 16 days and off 12. He got called out of town sometimes for the entire 16 days, other times for 1-2 days at a time. Either way it was hard. But, I knew he was not the type to cheat and I knew the relationship was worth it.

My best advice to you is to be flexible and understanding. This really helped me in the beginning. Since my boyfriend (at the time, now husband) had no control over his schedule, I just had to trust that he would call me when he had the time and would try to see me when he was home. I learned early on that he was good for his word which made the trust part much easier. He respected the fact that I was my own person and had a career/life without him.

As time went on, I told him that I wanted to hear from him when he was away--whether that mean a postcard, an e-mail, or a phone call. It is still difficult since he often flies internationally, but he did invest in "skype" which was a great way to keep in touch.

I think that as the relationship progresses, you will learn how he works more and will be able to communicate with him regardless of the circumstances. I think that is the key--figuring out how the communication will work best in your situation--because it varies from relationship to relationship.

Felicia

[Amanda]

My boyfriend of 4 years works for Mesa (he went from 1900 FO to CRJ FO and now he is an ERJ Cpt). I can write a book on how badly the company treats their employees and how stressful the working conditions are for the pilots and their families.

Your relationship is so new, and to be dealing with this type of lifestyle change is going to be really challenging. The fact that you will rarely see each other (thanks to Mesa's scheds I see my boyfriend 3-4 days/month) and the fact that you are still getting to know each other... well it is a tough situation.

You say you know he will never cheat... well I have been on 3 different pilot wives/girlfriends boards and honestly, you cannot be naive. There are many stories of women who thought their bf or husband would never cheat, but then it happened! Some of the stories are quite shocking. Of course cheating can happen it any industry.

I am sorry this is coming out so negative and you probably want to hear that everything will work out just fine. I apologize and hope your relationship does work out. If you need more info about Mesa, some challenges you might face please let me know- send me a PM or email.
I promise I am not a meany, just realistic.

[Kimberly]

DH works for XJet. We keep in touch over the phone but also email and text messages. Sometimes that is the best way for us to communicate although in short bursts. When we are especially busy, it is nice to get a special "pick me up" in the middle of the day. DH was not flying when we were dating, but even then we emailed a great deal, and it was a great way to deepen a relationship.


Hope this helps..

[flyershoe]

First of all, welcome!! I'm new myself, but you've definitely come to the right place.

Well, this certainly isn't the way one might expect to begin a relationship! I met my boyfriend while he was flight instructing (which he says that in a lot of ways he wish he were still doing!), so we at least had a few months to get to know each other before he left for a freight company and then eventually a regional.

There IS an "up" side to your situation - you'll have to learn how to communicate effectively!

It can definitely work, but to just be talking to each other twice a week doesn't seem like much to me. E-mail is a great way to stay in touch, and you can usually get a little bit deeper that way, too. There are plenty of people that meet online and really have online type relationships first! My boyfriend's brother met his wife online and they talked/dated for many months just by emails and chats. Two years later, they're married! Hopefully, once both of you get in a better position with school and careers, you can manage to see each other more frequently.

Yes, he's busy right now, but I doubt he's so busy that he can't at least give you a quick phone call or email once a day. Communication is key in these types of relationships... I'm guilty of not being a good communicator myself and because of that just had a huge blow-up in my relationship. Fortunately, it will end up bringing us closer in the end, but due to me not opening my mouth and asking for what I wanted and needed, it caused problems. So I guess what I'm saying is that if you need more contact from him, ask for it. There's nothing either of you can do about physically being together, but there is plenty that you can do to form an emotional bond.

I wish you luck!!

[flyershoe]

Originally Posted by JenniPage

I know that it may sound silly to say this after only having been with him for 2+ months, but I would really like to build a relationship with him that could last well into the future.

BTW, I wanted to add - that doesn't sound silly at all! I think that even beyond all of that new relationship warm fuzziness that you know when you have something special. I'm a hopeless romantic myself, so I know where you're coming from. I think I told my old roommate after dating Brian for less than a month that he was my "future husband." LOL!!

[Flybird]

A long distance relationship is definetly not east for anyone but if it's meant to be it will happen. When Brian and I met I was living in Ottawa Canada and he was based in Cincinatti, OH. We lived that way for about a year though he was flying to Ottawa so we did see each other quite often. It was 2 months before I was due to give birth that his Canadian run was cancelled so not only did he miss the birth of his daughter but we weren't together until 6 months later when we moved together to TX for a job. We knew right from the beginning that we were going to make it work and I think if you both feel that way you will make it happen. Keep the lines of communication open. From my experience and from other pilots I know you must be willing to relocate eventually. Good luck to you both. I believe everything happens for a reason, wether it's viewed as good or bad at the time.

[gna]

Hi Jenni - You wrote your BF appreciates your support and that's fantastic, he really needs you now as the first year will be difficult for him as he learns the ropes, er, wires.

I have to agree with the other ladies that said how important email/phone contact is and to let your BF know that even if it's just a quick call as he's walking out of the airport or waiting for the shuttle, you'd like to hear from him. I know it's hard to go from 2 hour+ conversations to 2 minute chats, but just knowing that he's thinking of you should brighten your day. Good luck to you both!

[JenniPage]

Thank you all for all your advice!!!

I got to talk to the BF last night for over an hour and it made my entire week!!!

It might sound odd, but I think that this relationship might actually help me to be a little bit of a better person... In the past I have tended to be a little controling in terms of time. Now, I am in a situation that does not allow me to be this way. Who knows...

He is supposed to call me again tonight, we shall see.

I feel really guilty making demands of his time when I know how busy he is. I don't know why I don't feel comfortable telling him that we should have a "schedule" or that he has to call me a certain number of times per week... Which is odd, because in any other relationship, I would have NO problems telling him how it was going to be!

You ladies are all wonderful and I am very happy that I seem to have found a place where I can let all this out and people will understand.

Thank you all!!!!