New at this!

GurrlyGirl · 03-03-2004, 06:15 PM

My boyfriend is majoring in Aerospace Engineering and plans to join the Air Force after college. I know that he will be gone for months at a time, bt I do not really know if I can handle that. I think I can, but it is just all so new. How does everyone else cope with your husband being gone? Or is it really not that bad?

TheWife · 03-03-2004, 07:50 PM

Well we aren't to that part of his career yet but just wanted to say hi! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

lrcantrell · 03-03-2004, 11:04 PM

All I can say is it's really hard when they're gone but when they come home it makes it all worth while. I usually start trying to plan for his homecoming the day that he leaves. It keeps my mind occupied on something happy and gives me something to look forward to. I spend my time running errands and trying to get everything done so when he is here, we can do fun stuff together. If you are supportive of his career and you both are committed to the relationship, you can make it work. I wouldn't trade being married to a pilot for anything. It has it's hard times and I have my very 'lonely' times but overall it's a very exciting industry to be in and very worthwhile. I just keep our place 'decluttered' and ready for a move anytime and look forward to the many adventures that lie ahead. By the way, I have 2 boys, ages 19m and 5y and I live in Southern CA. My dh flies corporate jets after being furloughed for 2 years with 9-11. We're so blessed that he has a flying job right now, we're like two little kids everytime he has to go fly!!!!

Amanda · 03-03-2004, 11:22 PM

Hi!
Here's my 2 cents:
You're either cut out for being with a pilot/member of the military, or you're not. It's a difficult lifestyle, but if you're with somebody great, it's definitely worth it! Yes, there are times when I wish my boyfriend was here, but we stay in contact a lot when he's away, and I know how much he loves his job.

I don't have any kids, so I am free to enjoy a lot of different hobbies, go out with friends, and keep myself busy. When he is here, we spend quality time together and make the most of his visits! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
Amanda

Bigsweetie · 03-06-2004, 11:18 PM

Hi there,

Expect it to be hard at first. But know that when you love a pilot you learn to adjust. I don't generally hold to the "you're either cut out for it or not" philosophy. I had an extremely hard time at first adjusting to my bf (now husband) being away. I would get on these message boards and practically cry my eyes out that I didn't know if I could "cut-it". I had a number of women (not on this particular message board) tell me that maybe I should consider leaving the relationship. Thank God for the few women who told me to stick it out and that it would get easier, because they were right.... it did.

I think all women handle the separation/lifestyle differently. Some women adapt very easily (although I disagree that those women are more "independant" than the others) and with others it takes time. Just allow yourself to feel however you want. Don't feel guilty because you hate that he's gone... it's o.k. to cry, hurt, even be angry sometimes. It's all part of the adjustment (at least it was for me). The feelings will pass.

Take care,

Tanya [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Amanda · 03-11-2004, 12:06 AM

[quote:0036816921="Bigsweetie"] I don't generally hold to the "you're either cut out for it or not" philosophy. I had an extremely hard time at first adjusting to my bf (now husband) being away. I would get on these message boards and practically cry my eyes out that I didn't know if I could "cut-it". I had a number of women (not on this particular message board) tell me that maybe I should consider leaving the relationship. Thank God for the few women who told me to stick it out and that it would get easier, because they were right.... it did.

I think all women handle the separation/lifestyle differently. Some women adapt very easily (although I disagree that those women are more "independant" than the others) and with others it takes time. Just allow yourself to feel however you want. Don't feel guilty because you hate that he's gone... it's o.k. to cry, hurt, even be angry sometimes. It's all part of the adjustment (at least it was for me). The feelings will pass.
[/quote:0036816921]

Hi... I feel the need to defend myself here since it seems I was slammed for what I said earlier. Maybe I should have changed my wording. Maybe I should have only stated, "some women will be able to adapt quickly, and for others it will take some time". Anyway, at no point did I say that she should leave the relationship!

To clarify further: Yes, I think that some women can better adapt to this lifestyle than others. You even said it yourself.

There is far less stress and strain on the relationship if one is able to adapt easily to all of the changes you'll encounter. Speaking for myself, I don't think my guy would be with me if I cried all the time or complained or made him feel guilty for being away. Note: I am not saying this is YOU, just making a statement. Maybe I'm adapting better because I'm independent, maybe not. I do know that I'm not sitting at my house feeling sorry for myself and my situation. I have many hobbies, talk to friends, read books, and keep myself busy. I do many things by myself, which other people would feel uncomfortable doing. I think if I was younger (and more insecure) I could have had issues with my relationship. I would also have a lot more difficulties if I had small children (I have a ton of respect for those of you with kids!). Each relationship/situation is different. If the timing was different for us, I wouln't be involved with my pilot. Only YOU know if your relationship is worth it. As it stands now, I have no kids and I have dated enough men to know that I am the luckiest gal in the world to be with my boyfriend. Not every day will be a bed of roses, and YES, I definitely miss him, but there is no question in my mind that he is worth it. When I hear his voice on the phone or read the tone of his emails, I know that he is living his dream of being an airline pilot and he feels blessed to have such a great life. I have chosen have a great life too! And he's a part of it!

AGAIN, these are my own opinions, based on my situation. You all have your own opinions on this subject. You are certainly entitled to agree or disagree!

I didn't mean to go on so long! I'm on these message boards to connect with other people in my situation, not cause controversy. Sorry if I upset you, Tanya. Amanda

Bigsweetie · 03-11-2004, 06:19 PM

Amanda,
Sorry if I made you feel attacked... that wasn't my intention. I just meant that some women are very straightforward about their situation and feel that all women should just "get over it" and that was how I interpreted your email. I misunderstood what you were saying. I guess I have a strong reaction to statements like that because if I had listened to the people that said "you're either cut out to be with a pilot or you're not", then I wouldn't be happily married today. I don't, however, sit home feeling sorry for myself and crying all the time. I miss my husband when he's gone, but I have learned to adapt to it thanks to his help!! When I was having a rough time he did everything possible to help me get through it and that is why we are together to this day. He would let me cry on his shoulder anytime I felt the need to and would always comfort me through it... knowing that I was working on adjusting.

Now I am adjusted to the lifestyle and actually enjoy the few days a week that I have to myself, but for some people it takes longer than others.

Anyway, sorry I misunderstood what you said.

Tanya

Amanda · 03-11-2004, 07:07 PM

Tanya-
No worries, all is forgotten. It is great that you and your dh are both so supportive of each other and you have a relationship that works!

I need to remember that when I write something, I need to choose the proper words and sometimes what I write can be misinterpreted.

I am cautious giving a person advice to "stick it out" or leave a relationship. I just wanted to give my perspective.

As I've said before, this is a strange lifestyle! It's like nothing I've ever had to deal with before. Although it isn't easy, it's worth it. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
Take care-
Amanda

Barbara · 03-12-2004, 08:23 AM

Tanya-
I love your photo. It's so classic & just beautiful!
-Barbara

Kristie · 03-12-2004, 11:52 AM

I have to agree - it's a really beautiful photo!!

I think being a pilot/military wife is an adjustment at first.. it takes some time to learn and figure things out.. but after a while, it becomes second nature and you just don't think as much into it... now with military, the guys/gals are gone for a longer period of time and i really can't say anything about that because i have no idea what it would be like to be a military wife where your guy is gone for months on end... for me, i think at the beginning, adjusting to having to take care of everything yourself for a very long time would be pretty darn difficult. but, since i know me and i know how I am when DH is gone on his trips, it wouldn't take me too long to get used to -> adapt and change with the flow. but that's me.. i've been a pilot wife for 2 years a pilot SO for over 10 and i've gotten used to the lifestyle.

sometimes i think the best thing to do is to not sit at home feeling sulky but to get out and immerse yourself, keep yourself busy until he comes home - then you'll have to go thru another period of adjustment and let him back into the whole family unit thing.

just my 0.02. again, i'm not too sure on how the military wives handle it on a day to day basis when their hubbys are gone for such long periods of time. Maybe, if you get in contact with a few of them, they can relay some stories on how they adjusted and you'd have a few contacts to call for additional support!?

03-03-2004, 06:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
GurrlyGirl New Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 3 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	New at this! My boyfriend is majoring in Aerospace Engineering and plans to join the Air Force after college. I know that he will be gone for months at a time, bt I do not really know if I can handle that. I think I can, but it is just all so new. How does everyone else cope with your husband being gone? Or is it really not that bad?

03-03-2004, 07:50 PM	#2 (permalink)
TheWife Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 1,264 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: New at this! Well we aren't to that part of his career yet but just wanted to say hi! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

03-03-2004, 11:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
lrcantrell Jetgirls Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: California Posts: 128 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: New at this! All I can say is it's really hard when they're gone but when they come home it makes it all worth while. I usually start trying to plan for his homecoming the day that he leaves. It keeps my mind occupied on something happy and gives me something to look forward to. I spend my time running errands and trying to get everything done so when he is here, we can do fun stuff together. If you are supportive of his career and you both are committed to the relationship, you can make it work. I wouldn't trade being married to a pilot for anything. It has it's hard times and I have my very 'lonely' times but overall it's a very exciting industry to be in and very worthwhile. I just keep our place 'decluttered' and ready for a move anytime and look forward to the many adventures that lie ahead. By the way, I have 2 boys, ages 19m and 5y and I live in Southern CA. My dh flies corporate jets after being furloughed for 2 years with 9-11. We're so blessed that he has a flying job right now, we're like two little kids everytime he has to go fly!!!!

03-03-2004, 11:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
Amanda Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: PHL suburbs Posts: 2,085 Recipes: Thanks: 12 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts	Re: New at this! Hi! Here's my 2 cents: You're either cut out for being with a pilot/member of the military, or you're not. It's a difficult lifestyle, but if you're with somebody great, it's definitely worth it! Yes, there are times when I wish my boyfriend was here, but we stay in contact a lot when he's away, and I know how much he loves his job. I don't have any kids, so I am free to enjoy a lot of different hobbies, go out with friends, and keep myself busy. When he is here, we spend quality time together and make the most of his visits! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Amanda

03-06-2004, 11:18 PM	#5 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,505 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: New at this! Hi there, Expect it to be hard at first. But know that when you love a pilot you learn to adjust. I don't generally hold to the "you're either cut out for it or not" philosophy. I had an extremely hard time at first adjusting to my bf (now husband) being away. I would get on these message boards and practically cry my eyes out that I didn't know if I could "cut-it". I had a number of women (not on this particular message board) tell me that maybe I should consider leaving the relationship. Thank God for the few women who told me to stick it out and that it would get easier, because they were right.... it did. I think all women handle the separation/lifestyle differently. Some women adapt very easily (although I disagree that those women are more "independant" than the others) and with others it takes time. Just allow yourself to feel however you want. Don't feel guilty because you hate that he's gone... it's o.k. to cry, hurt, even be angry sometimes. It's all part of the adjustment (at least it was for me). The feelings will pass. Take care, Tanya [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

03-11-2004, 12:06 AM	#6 (permalink)
Amanda Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: PHL suburbs Posts: 2,085 Recipes: Thanks: 12 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts	Re: New at this! [quote:0036816921="Bigsweetie"] I don't generally hold to the "you're either cut out for it or not" philosophy. I had an extremely hard time at first adjusting to my bf (now husband) being away. I would get on these message boards and practically cry my eyes out that I didn't know if I could "cut-it". I had a number of women (not on this particular message board) tell me that maybe I should consider leaving the relationship. Thank God for the few women who told me to stick it out and that it would get easier, because they were right.... it did. I think all women handle the separation/lifestyle differently. Some women adapt very easily (although I disagree that those women are more "independant" than the others) and with others it takes time. Just allow yourself to feel however you want. Don't feel guilty because you hate that he's gone... it's o.k. to cry, hurt, even be angry sometimes. It's all part of the adjustment (at least it was for me). The feelings will pass. [/quote:0036816921] Hi... I feel the need to defend myself here since it seems I was slammed for what I said earlier. Maybe I should have changed my wording. Maybe I should have only stated, "some women will be able to adapt quickly, and for others it will take some time". Anyway, at no point did I say that she should leave the relationship! To clarify further: Yes, I think that some women can better adapt to this lifestyle than others. You even said it yourself. There is far less stress and strain on the relationship if one is able to adapt easily to all of the changes you'll encounter. Speaking for myself, I don't think my guy would be with me if I cried all the time or complained or made him feel guilty for being away. Note: I am not saying this is YOU, just making a statement. Maybe I'm adapting better because I'm independent, maybe not. I do know that I'm not sitting at my house feeling sorry for myself and my situation. I have many hobbies, talk to friends, read books, and keep myself busy. I do many things by myself, which other people would feel uncomfortable doing. I think if I was younger (and more insecure) I could have had issues with my relationship. I would also have a lot more difficulties if I had small children (I have a ton of respect for those of you with kids!). Each relationship/situation is different. If the timing was different for us, I wouln't be involved with my pilot. Only YOU know if your relationship is worth it. As it stands now, I have no kids and I have dated enough men to know that I am the luckiest gal in the world to be with my boyfriend. Not every day will be a bed of roses, and YES, I definitely miss him, but there is no question in my mind that he is worth it. When I hear his voice on the phone or read the tone of his emails, I know that he is living his dream of being an airline pilot and he feels blessed to have such a great life. I have chosen have a great life too! And he's a part of it! AGAIN, these are my own opinions, based on my situation. You all have your own opinions on this subject. You are certainly entitled to agree or disagree! I didn't mean to go on so long! I'm on these message boards to connect with other people in my situation, not cause controversy. Sorry if I upset you, Tanya. Amanda

03-11-2004, 06:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,505 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: New at this! Amanda, Sorry if I made you feel attacked... that wasn't my intention. I just meant that some women are very straightforward about their situation and feel that all women should just "get over it" and that was how I interpreted your email. I misunderstood what you were saying. I guess I have a strong reaction to statements like that because if I had listened to the people that said "you're either cut out to be with a pilot or you're not", then I wouldn't be happily married today. I don't, however, sit home feeling sorry for myself and crying all the time. I miss my husband when he's gone, but I have learned to adapt to it thanks to his help!! When I was having a rough time he did everything possible to help me get through it and that is why we are together to this day. He would let me cry on his shoulder anytime I felt the need to and would always comfort me through it... knowing that I was working on adjusting. Now I am adjusted to the lifestyle and actually enjoy the few days a week that I have to myself, but for some people it takes longer than others. Anyway, sorry I misunderstood what you said. Tanya

03-11-2004, 07:07 PM	#8 (permalink)
Amanda Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: PHL suburbs Posts: 2,085 Recipes: Thanks: 12 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts	Re: New at this! Tanya- No worries, all is forgotten. It is great that you and your dh are both so supportive of each other and you have a relationship that works! I need to remember that when I write something, I need to choose the proper words and sometimes what I write can be misinterpreted. I am cautious giving a person advice to "stick it out" or leave a relationship. I just wanted to give my perspective. As I've said before, this is a strange lifestyle! It's like nothing I've ever had to deal with before. Although it isn't easy, it's worth it. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Take care- Amanda

03-12-2004, 08:23 AM	#9 (permalink)
Barbara Jetgirls Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 106 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: New at this! Tanya- I love your photo. It's so classic & just beautiful! -Barbara

03-12-2004, 11:52 AM	#10 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,576 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts	Re: New at this! I have to agree - it's a really beautiful photo!! I think being a pilot/military wife is an adjustment at first.. it takes some time to learn and figure things out.. but after a while, it becomes second nature and you just don't think as much into it... now with military, the guys/gals are gone for a longer period of time and i really can't say anything about that because i have no idea what it would be like to be a military wife where your guy is gone for months on end... for me, i think at the beginning, adjusting to having to take care of everything yourself for a very long time would be pretty darn difficult. but, since i know me and i know how I am when DH is gone on his trips, it wouldn't take me too long to get used to -> adapt and change with the flow. but that's me.. i've been a pilot wife for 2 years a pilot SO for over 10 and i've gotten used to the lifestyle. sometimes i think the best thing to do is to not sit at home feeling sulky but to get out and immerse yourself, keep yourself busy until he comes home - then you'll have to go thru another period of adjustment and let him back into the whole family unit thing. just my 0.02. again, i'm not too sure on how the military wives handle it on a day to day basis when their hubbys are gone for such long periods of time. Maybe, if you get in contact with a few of them, they can relay some stories on how they adjusted and you'd have a few contacts to call for additional support!?

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