How do you survive this??

[butt3rflie1113]

Hi, first of all I'm new to this site, and I'm new to this whole dating a pilot thing, I knew one day this would come when I started dating him. He was in college at the time we started dating, as I still am, he just graduated this May and is now working in the airline industry and I don't know what to do! I'm beginning to hate our relationship, It seems that every time we talk we are fighting lately, and I'm sure I'm a lot to blame for that, as I am the emotional girlfriend....but seriously any advice that you can give me would be greatly appreciated....tips on how to make our relationship work....tips on how to not worry so much...anything please!!!!

[TheWife]

I'm sorry you are having a rough time, but I really don't know what to say because you were pretty vague. What is your BF doing in the industry? Is he a pilot? Is he at a regional? What are the main problems? Is he gone a lot, is it scheduling, lack of compatibility, not enough attention? If you could be more specific about your situation and the problems you are having, then we might be able to offer some good advice!

[butt3rflie1113]

He is a pilot at a reginonal, sitting reserve, i guess last night i was feeling a lack of attention, the feeling is gone of coarse this morning, as i've cooled off..but yeah its been rough, the only time I see him is during the week on his days off, and of coarse i'm a college student so that makes it rough, with classes and homework, and tests, and I suppose at times its the distance, however i've done long distance before, and i'm seeing him more than we saw each other through training, he just seems to be busy all the time....grr...i sound like such a 13 year old!
btw i noticed your daughter's name is Kyla....thats mine too...

[TheWife]

Wow, I've only met one other Kyla and that was after we named her, not very common! So how many times has some one said "Kayla" instead? LOL. I've got to get ready for church but I'll get back to your question later today, in the mean time, try to do something that makes YOU feel good, and if you want, think of a way to show him today how much he means to you.

[missjenny]

I'm new here too (my first post!) and I've been in your situation for the past year, so I thought I'd let you know how I "survived" it. I had just moved across the country for grad school when my DH (fiance at the time) started working for a regional. We went from living together to seeing each other a few days a month (the commute was insane). It was a very tough first year, and there were definitely times I thought it would be too much to handle. Here are a few things I learned that might help you out:

*when your boyfriend is able to come home, try as hard as you can to clear your schedule to have quality time. I would spend evenings and weekends at school getting ahead in my work so that I could spend time with DH instead of camping myself at the table with my books while he surfed JC or watched football.

*find ways to "distract" yourself. Whenever I would feel really lonely, I would go running, take the puppy to the dog park, or go out for coffee with my friends... something to get you out of the house and thinking about something other than how much you miss him.

*Don't call him to complain or pick a fight. I'm very guilty of this... If I had a particularly bad day, I'd take it out on him over the phone. My new solution: if I feel upset or angry, I write down what's bothering me, then go on a long run to think the problem over. By the time I get back home, I'm normally much more rational about the situation and can talk it out without getting upset.

*I'm a natural worrier, so I sometimes get very upset that something is going to happen to him (irrational- yes, I know!). If I'm sitting around and want to know where DH is, I go onto one of those flight tracker websites and find his plane, so that I know he's in the air and I can see his altitude, what time he's supposed to land, etc. It might sound stupid, but it makes me feel better. If you're more worried about infidelity, just remember that most of what you hear is just exaggerated and really isn't as common as everyone might think. The temptation is just the same as if he were working in a more "traditional" workplace, so don't believe all the hype and made for TV Lifetime original movies about pilots with wives in every bases- they're just not true.

I hope all of this helps! Its a tough way of life, but it does have its upsides. If you need anything or want to talk, feel free to PM me!

Jen

[butt3rflie1113]

Originally Posted by TheWife

Wow, I've only met one other Kyla and that was after we named her, not very common! So how many times has some one said "Kayla" instead? LOL. I've got to get ready for church but I'll get back to your question later today, in the mean time, try to do something that makes YOU feel good, and if you want, think of a way to show him today how much he means to you.

I get Kayla all the time, I've learned to answer to anything...its a rare day when i get called Kyla, like at school or something with teachers who don't know....you know those who know me know my name but when they first meet me or see my name its Kayla, Kylie, anything but Kyla it seems... but you get use to it

[Kristie]

Originally Posted by missjenny

I'm new here too (my first post!) and I've been in your situation for the past year, so I thought I'd let you know how I "survived" it. I had just moved across the country for grad school when my DH (fiance at the time) started working for a regional. We went from living together to seeing each other a few days a month (the commute was insane). It was a very tough first year, and there were definitely times I thought it would be too much to handle. Here are a few things I learned that might help you out:

*when your boyfriend is able to come home, try as hard as you can to clear your schedule to have quality time. I would spend evenings and weekends at school getting ahead in my work so that I could spend time with DH instead of camping myself at the table with my books while he surfed JC or watched football.

*find ways to "distract" yourself. Whenever I would feel really lonely, I would go running, take the puppy to the dog park, or go out for coffee with my friends... something to get you out of the house and thinking about something other than how much you miss him.

*Don't call him to complain or pick a fight. I'm very guilty of this... If I had a particularly bad day, I'd take it out on him over the phone. My new solution: if I feel upset or angry, I write down what's bothering me, then go on a long run to think the problem over. By the time I get back home, I'm normally much more rational about the situation and can talk it out without getting upset.

*I'm a natural worrier, so I sometimes get very upset that something is going to happen to him (irrational- yes, I know!). If I'm sitting around and want to know where DH is, I go onto one of those flight tracker websites and find his plane, so that I know he's in the air and I can see his altitude, what time he's supposed to land, etc. It might sound stupid, but it makes me feel better. If you're more worried about infidelity, just remember that most of what you hear is just exaggerated and really isn't as common as everyone might think. The temptation is just the same as if he were working in a more "traditional" workplace, so don't believe all the hype and made for TV Lifetime original movies about pilots with wives in every bases- they're just not true.

I hope all of this helps! Its a tough way of life, but it does have its upsides. If you need anything or want to talk, feel free to PM me!

Jen

Nicely said Jen...Honestly, all of the above work wonders when you start having a rough day...best thing you can do additional is just start taking one day at a time.. don't look too far ahead, don't plan too far ahead. When you start getting concerned about something, ask yourself why before even talking to your boyfriend about it... if it's insecurities on your behalf, try to work them out with yourself first.. ask yourself why your insecure, is it you or is it somehting BF is doing that gives you a yellow or red flag? if you see a red flag, definatley talk about it with him but do it calmly so that you don't feel like your getting "in one ear/out the other" syndrome! haha

but give yourself a break.. keep yourself busy...if you need additional time when he's home, make sure you try to have a clear schedule so you can maximize your quality time together...with quality time and communcation, you should be able to get thru this hump!!