Garden State

[skibum515]

Did any of you guys watch this movie? Some parts of it, especially the ending really resonated with me (I almost cried because I could identify so well, not because it was sad) I'm going to elaborate a (little) bit, so now is your chance to bail if you want to see the movie- though it doesnt really spoil anything cause i'm not really talking bout the plot too much.
























ok chance is gone.
So, in the end when they are saying goodbye at the airport and she is on the steps crying by the escalator, man, I really feel like that sometimes when I have to leave John or he leaves me. Even though I know it's only for like 4-5 days, sometimes its just really hard to deal with. And after that when he shows back up after not getting on the plane, it made me even sadder because i know that is never going to happen in my life. John is always going to have to leave (at least until he retires) and it sucks because I've never even had the opportunity of a "normal" ie not long distance relationship with him and i don't know if we ever will be able to do that. Right now we're planning on living together for a bit after he graduates while he's flight instructing, but that is contingant upon where he gets hired. Obviously if he's hired on the west side of the state, we can't really do that since my job is going to be staying in Ann Arbor. ugh. Anyway the movie just made me really sad to know that i'm never going to have that kind of relationship, and there is always going to be a "see you in a few days" hug and kiss, not a "see you tonight" hug and kiss. I have really started worrying lately that i'm not going to be able to handle being the wife of a pilot. Because while we've been doing the long distance thing for a little over 2 years now, i don't know if i can handle it for 20+ years, especially trying to raise children...that really scares me, trying to raise them essentially as a single parent. I don't know what to do, and i've talked to john about it but i don't think he really feels as much as i do with some of this stuff (mainly cause i'm a girl and a lot more emotional than he is) or maybe i'm just being more freaked out now because i'm on my period. I don't know. blah.

[Kristie]

ya know what... I haven't even heard of it... is it at the movies or on DVD? DOH!! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

[MQAAord]

One of the first things you learn about being in the airlines or being married to someone in the airlines is that you simply will not have a 'normal' life. That fact must be accepted. Bill's been off work for a while, and quite frankly it's starting to drive me nuts and I can not wait for him to go back so I can have a few days to myself again!

Sure, when he's gone he's gone, but when he's here he's here. Maybe I've just 'lived the life' for so long, and lived it myself and not just been married to it, but it's really not so bad. Thank goodness for cell phones & modern communications, it would have sucked to have done this back in the 50's when long-distance phone calls were mundo-expensive and there was no calling between flights just to say "hey"!

[skibum515]

It's out at the movies right now.

[Kristie]

ok.. even though I haven't seen the movie....I can relate to how your feeling Em... but there are also a lot of positives to having the type of relationship we have...

..we do get time for ourselves (when we don't have kids) vs a normal 9-5 marriage
..we never take anything forgranted like a normal marraige might when things finally get comfortable
..we enjoy time together more and WANT to spend time together more when both are home at the same time
..the travel benefits are something most 9-5 couples WISH they had

there are always plus's and minus's in each type of relationship.. sometimes you feel more strongly than at other times...sometimes it's still upsetting when they walk out the door and other times your pushing them out the door so you can get some "me" time and get some things done!

personally, after living so many years like this, I don't think I could deal with a normal or "typical" marriage.. to me, THAT would be too hard and too mundane.

[skibum515]

Thanks guys. It really does help to talk to someone who has been there done that. It's not like i get really sad all the time, just sometimes. But like John has pointed out to me (more than a few times) our relationship right now is essentially like an airline one. We talk on the phone every night, and see eachother on the weekends. I should be more thankful that we don't live farther apart and that we can see eachother that often. I kind of wish though that I had a warm body to snuggle with every night...maybe once i get working and have some extra $ i'll go down to FL and spring for one of those "non allergic" cats. They don't secrete the same chemicals as normal cats so it doesn't get on their fur and *poof* they are hypo allergenic! But I'd have to take john with me to make sure that he wasn't going to be allergic before i went and got one. I'm kinda sad that I'll never be able to adopt pets from a local shelter because of his allergies if we ever get a dog it'll have to be one of the purebred ones that doesnt' have fur (it has hair instead)

heh...how's that for a thead creep!

[fly-girl]

Skibum,

I can relate well to what you are saying. My DH and I sort of started out with a normal relationship. We lived in the same city but he was flight instructing a million hours a week and I was working two jobs and going to school full time so our time was pretty limited together. Then after 8 months of dating, he got hired for his airline now and moved to Houston. The first three weeks he was gone was really weird but we ended up getting to see each other for a few days about every three weeks. (Thank goodness for flight benefits!!) Every time I would get on the plane to fly back to school I would try my best to hold it all in but I would be nothing but tears by the time I sat down in my seat on the airplane. I thought what am i getting myself into and how am i going to deal with this for the rest of my life? but it does get easier and you adjust. I promise. I thought I would miss having someone to sleep next to every night too but sometimes it is really nice to spread out and have the whole bed to yourself!

and Kristie, I must say I agree with 100% about how it is so nice to not have a "typical" marriage. It took a while for me to accept my DH being gone so much and then learning to actually enjoy the time that he is gone but you are right, I couldn't imagine it being any other way and it doesn't bother me like it used to when I think about it always being this way. My DH actually just went back to work after having 40 days off! he had vacation and then had to have surgery so it is actually really weird to have him gone again...but it was good to see the other side of things. it was funny how used i had gotten to having time to myself.

and amen for cell phones and the internet. i really have no idea how people used to do this back in the day before all of this modern technology. just think how much easier it must be to be a pilot wife now than back in the 50's.

on another note, skibum, I feel your pain about the whole pet thing. my DH is also highly allergic to everything with fur and isn't even open to the idea of hairless cats or a hypo-allergenic dog. i have talked him into a hedgehog though, since technically they have quills. we don't need to tell him about the little bit of fur they have on their belly though. i don't know how much company a hedgehog can bring but i know how you feel about wanting to have a pet. i am guessing that when i am old and gray i am going to become a cat lady.

[skibum515]

i'm tellin you, (or maybe i told someone else?) Hermit Crabs! THey are so adorable and really really fun to play with. THey're kinda hard to take care of though, but really fun. They all have really distinctive personalities!

But thanks for the words of encouragement, it really helps. you guys are great!

[fly-girl]

Hermit crabs--great idea. i bet they don't eat much so they sound like they won't cost a whole lot :-D

[skibum515]

if you're serious abotu looking at hermit crabs, check out www.hermit-crabs.com for a bunch of info that you need to know. Most pet stores don't adequetly take care of their crabs so they don't tell you correct information. this has been one of the most useful sites for me. There is also a message forum at www.hermitcrabassociation.com that has tons of good info as well.

hope that helps!