Why Choose Aviation?

[MLily79]

Hi, I haven't posted on here in awhile, but I visit now and then. My pilot and I are not currently "together". It's an odd, confusing situation - and I'm not really sure what's going on. He broke up with me in December, but we were still living together until the end of March - and there are still times - many times - when we act very coupley with one another. He moved his things to his parents' house in another state (where he says he will purchase a house and begin living soon), but he is based in my state - so he continues to come here and my place is his "crash pad". I suppose you could say we're trying to work things out - but I honestly don't know. It feels like I have very little control over anything.

Amidst all of this, he has said that his one main concern is that I won't be able to handle being with a pilot. That I'm not independent and self-sufficient enough to handle his absences and that I'll miss him too much.

But here's the one thing I have a hard time understanding - in this day and age, why would anyone in their right mind choose to be a pilot anyway? He hasn't been able to explain it to me, so I'm hoping some of you can. This is how I see being a pilot:

You work your butt off and in the end you get:

To fly all over the country but only glimpse the cities you're in
To stay in hotel rooms for the majority of each month where you don't have your things and there are very few comforts
To not spend time with your girlfriend/wife or family
If you have kids, you don't get to see them as much as you'd probably like
Little time with your hobbies or interests (other than flying)

The prestige of being a pilot is no longer there - with unions and airline troubles, people just don't look upon aviation with the same awe they used to. The pay is only exceptionally good when you reach captain status, which takes years.

I mean, even if it's the rush of flying - of taking off and landing - wouldn't that go away too with repetition? At some point, doesn't even that lose its appeal?

So why? Why do it? Why choose a more lonely life when you could do something else?

Maybe if I understood that - I'd understand everything.

-Becka

[SeatClutcher]

This is a good question to ask on Jet Careers, where all the pilots are. Copy and paste your post and I bet you'll get a lot of helpful responses.

[Imachickadee75]

Let us know if you do. I'd really like to see what they say....

Jackie

[MLily79]

I just registered over there, but I haven't gotten a confirmation that allows me to post yet. When I do, I'll let you know.

[AnnaRose]

I sometimes wonder this too. I have had conversations with my BF and some of his pilot friends about how I thought it was a self-centered career. One of them actually agreed with me. I remember asking my pilot when I first met him why he became a pilot. He said that he liked to travel, he liked having days off and he wanted to make the same kind of money his father made growing up. I think my BF is afraid he would not be good at anything else. I also think he doesn't want to work hard at finding a new career if he doesn't have to.

He has also said that lots of pilots say, "Once you've experienced flying you can't ever go back to a desk job"

[Amanda]

Originally Posted by AnnaRose

He has also said that lots of pilots say, "Once you've experienced flying you can't ever go back to a desk job"

This is SO true! Nick was a high paid and high level Manager before he decided to pursue aviation.

He absolutely LOVES being a pilot! He travels all over Europe and loves to see new places. Of course he loves soaring above the clouds. He has taken tours while in the countries and enjoyed the local food. He hates the "red tape" as he put it, and the pay right now isn't great. I disagree with what Becka said about not making exceptionally good money as an FO. I think if you are an FO long enough the pay is quite good!

Of course we miss each other when he is away but it is a lot better now compared to when he worked for Mesa. Now he is gone for 3 days and then home again for sometimes 4-6 days in a row.

It's not an easy career or lifestyle for sure but the pilots I've met are very passionate about it. Hopefully you'll get additional replies on Jetcareers!

[MLily79]

I posted a thread on jetcareers. My username there is Izzy10, and the thread is called "Why Choose Aviation?" Feel free to check out the responses as they come in.

And thanks to those who've responded here so far. It's nice to hear I'm not the only one who struggles with this.

[amelia]

Originally Posted by MLily79

I posted a thread on jetcareers. My username there is Izzy10, and the thread is called "Why Choose Aviation?" Feel free to check out the responses as they come in.

And thanks to those who've responded here so far. It's nice to hear I'm not the only one who struggles with this.

Oh, I'll have to go see what they say.

[HeffsRah]

This thread got me super curious so today, I asked my fiance why he chose flying? His very first response was "Because I love it." I said, why do you love it? He says
"Because it's what I always wanted to do ever since I was old enough to talk."
"I know...but WHY?"
"I don't know...you just have to experience it to know what I mean." hahaha...I said "You know that I've experienced it plenty of times with you--and you know that I love it too but I want to know WHY you love it. What do you love about flying?"

Finally... he gave me this answer, which I was satisfied with lol...

"I love flying because I love being up above the clouds looking down on everything from so high up in the sky. I feel a huge sense of freedom when I'm up there. It challenges me and gives me a sense of accomplishment knowing that I'm so good at it. I love the feeling I get. It's exhilirating, romantic....and, it has the best office view ever."

Good answer, right?

[Bigsweetie]

Becka,
I just read your thread over on JC.

I have to tell you that, I had the SAME conversation with my DH when we were dating. At the time he was working at a cargo company and was on call 24/7 and only had 4 days off/mo (part 95 flying). He'd get paged in the middle of dinner, during sex, you name it. I hated it with a passion. He'd leave for a trip I had no idea if i'd see him later that night or two weeks from then. It almost killed us. Not to mention he made NO FRIGGIN' MONEY!!! LOL!

I couldn't understand why he would continue doing this and live this way and risk our relationship... all for some stupid airplane.

One day he flat out told me "If I had to choose between you and aviation, i'd choose aviation". It cut like a KNIFE in my heart. We had been talking about getting married! He explained that he loved me very much, but flying was who he was. He was very new to the industry, I have to add.

For whatever reason, I stayed and over the years two things happened. I learned to not resent him for being a pilot and he learned that he had to balance his career and his relationship with me. The longer he's been in the industry the more perspective he gains about the importance of his job vs. his "regular" life. He still loves to fly, but he realizes now, that that's not the ONLY thing that defines him. And I realized that loving him means wanting him to be happy (even if that means I spend our anniversary alone).

I think your "bf/xbf/?" needs to realize that it's great to love what you do, but it can't be the only thing that defines you as a person. And you need to understand that flying is something that makes him happy and he's not necessarily choosing it over you. I know it's hard not to take it personally when he's not around for important things (or even watching a movie together).

That's the main reason that i'm a SAHM. DH and I agreed, that I support his career and all that entails, but as soon as we had kids, we agreed that he'd support my dream of being a SAHM. It's something i've always wanted to do, and he sacrifices a lot so that I can stay home. If I worked outside the home, we'd be able to afford a bigger house, the plasma tv that he wants, etc. He'd be a lot farther in his career too!! He forgoes all of those things in order to support me in my dream. It's a two-way street. We both do it happily with no resentment.

Is there anything that your BF can do to support you? I saw you mentioned calling when he says he'd call (I agree, that should be happening), telling you he misses you, etc. I think those things sound good to start.

For me, I needed my BF (now DH) to be understanding when I was missing him terribly. To not get upset if I just needed to vent about his career for a minute and to not take it personally. He agreed, and over time I stopped venting. I simply got used to it and started looking at the bright side of things.

Yes, i'm home alone with two small kids for 18 days in a row, but the 12 days off in a row are nice! Even people who work 8-5M-F jobs don't get that much time off (especially not in a row). Last summer we went up north for a week every month!! How many people can take a weeks vacation every month? And once he gets with a major, we'll have travel benefits. The kids and I can travel places, go on trip with DH in the summer when the kids are out of school, etc. There are ways to enjoy the career even if you don't see them right now.

Compromises have to come from both directions.