Am I just unreasonable? - Page 2

jr_lenz · 03-09-2008, 01:57 PM

I was in this exact sistuation! When Lance left for phx, this girl that he had dated before me, "followed" along to also go to flight school. Things were a little up in the air with us as far as what was going to happen long term, (another thred) anyway they two of them would hang out together, going to movies and dinner, b/c he didn't know anyone else! She liked him, he didn't have feelings for her. A few months of this and I was getting pissed. I didn't want him hanging out with someone who had feelings for him. But in his mind "nothing" was happening. It was causing problems, and he tried to backoff from seeing her, and she got weirder and weirder. Finally one day she called him and told him that they were both flying in skyhabor's airspace that day, and she started crying in the plane b/c he didn't love her and never would and that she could never talk to him anymore!

anyway point of story. Yes it pissed me off too. and if he ever blew me off coming to see him so he could be with her, it would be hitting the fan! Second point...if he his hanging with a girl who has feelings for him, I think that he is leading her on, weather he means to or not. and that isn't right or fair to her. And not a good sistuation for him to be in.

FilleBelle · 03-10-2008, 12:04 AM

Whoa, jr, good story! I think a large part of the problem here is that guys are extremely oblivious. They can have a pretty girl draped all over them and will say things like, "No, she's not interested. She's just friendly!"

At any rate, we did talk. What he said last night was, "We could do something that weekend, but I kind of promised I'd be here because it's Mel's birthday." He maintains that he never meant to make her sound like she was important. He only mentioned this girl and her party because he wanted me to know the event was a factor in his plans for the weekend I had chosen.

My argument was that she isn't a factor. She is a girl he went on a couple of dates with, who has become a casual acquaintance with a self-professed romantic interest in him. It was as weird to mention her in last night's conversation as it would have been to say, "We could do something that weekend, but I kind of promised myself I'd do a load of laundry." Why would you even mention that? It makes it sound as thought the laundry (or this girl) is on the same level of consideration as I am, which should definitely not be the case.

He said he understands. We settled on another (much less convenient, not to mention shorter) time for a visit just so we could stop talking about it. Still, if he is a smart man, he will not go to the controversial party. He will show up on my doorstep professing his undying love for me. Lol, I guess he probably won't come up with that on his own, will he?

The long distance is killer... If he came home to me every night that he wasn't on a trip and THEN said that he wanted to go to this girl's party, it wouldn't even be an issue. Since overlapping free time is at a premium, however, I feel like I gotta put my foot down about what he does with his.

Mrs.Alchemist · 03-10-2008, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FilleBelle

He will show up on my doorstep professing his undying love for me. Lol, I guess he probably won't come up with that on his own, will he?

Maybe he'll log on and read this...?

katbuad · 03-10-2008, 08:13 AM

Not sure what you had hoped to do for the weekend but maybe you could invite yourself along (nicely, of course) to this girl's birthday party. If she is really just a friend and if she really knows that he is in a committed relationship then it is the perfect compromise. He gets to go where he promised, you get to know the girl better, you guys get to spend time together, and you guys make a public "together" statement that this girl can read loud and clear.

Even if you don't really want to go, I think you should. Make the effort. Even if you have to travel. It is a chance to become apart of his world when he is without you. Wear something hot. Be fun and upbeat.

Bigsweetie · 03-10-2008, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FilleBelle

He said he understands. We settled on another (much less convenient, not to mention shorter) time for a visit just so we could stop talking about it.

Are you friggin' serious? He changed his plans with you so he could still go to this stupid party?

BIG RED FLAG SWEETIE!!!!

You're right, if he's smart he'll blow off this party and show up to be with you. But the fact that it didn't seem to be an easy decision worries me.

Good luck!

skibum515 · 03-10-2008, 11:24 AM

on a positive note though - at least he's being upfront and honest with you about all this and not trying to hide it!

Just make sure that you allow him to have some freedom as well because if he becomes resentful that you're "controlling" his time it could cause massive problems

FilleBelle · 03-10-2008, 06:05 PM

I totally agree with you Bigsweetie. The whole thing upsets me and he hasn't handled any part of it well at all. I confess that some of the changing plans thing is my fault, too, though. I think that sometimes, in an effort to not be a bitchy girlfriend, I sort of allow him to take advantage of me. Not over anything of great importance, of course, but I suspect I've encouraged a bad habit in both of us.

Kat, that thought occurred to me, too. It seems like a decent compromise. I haven't figured out how to handle the inviting myself thing yet, though. I feel strange saying, "I'm coming to the party of this person I don't know and don't want to know even though no one has invited me." I'm working up to it, lol.

I would like to say, in Kevin's defense, that I do not suspect him of cheating physically or emotionally. His crime against me, as far as I am concerned, is not consistently making me his number one priority.

skibum515 · 03-10-2008, 06:33 PM

"I would still really like to spend time with you on XX weekend, and I know you've promised XX that you'd go to her birthday party/celebration, but maybe I could go with you to that and then we could have the rest of the weekend to spend time together (or do XX)"

FilleBelle · 03-10-2008, 06:39 PM

Look at you...I'm still sitting over here formulating and you've got all the right words! THAT is what this forum is for, lol.

BAC · 03-10-2008, 07:41 PM

I don't think its imposing at all for you to ask yourself along... you are his girlfriend and you have a long distance relationship and it sounds like you don't see each other that often.. so if it works out for you that weekend, why not?

03-09-2008, 01:57 PM	#11 (permalink)
jr_lenz Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Idaho Posts: 888 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts	Re: Am I just unreasonable? I was in this exact sistuation! When Lance left for phx, this girl that he had dated before me, "followed" along to also go to flight school. Things were a little up in the air with us as far as what was going to happen long term, (another thred) anyway they two of them would hang out together, going to movies and dinner, b/c he didn't know anyone else! She liked him, he didn't have feelings for her. A few months of this and I was getting pissed. I didn't want him hanging out with someone who had feelings for him. But in his mind "nothing" was happening. It was causing problems, and he tried to backoff from seeing her, and she got weirder and weirder. Finally one day she called him and told him that they were both flying in skyhabor's airspace that day, and she started crying in the plane b/c he didn't love her and never would and that she could never talk to him anymore! anyway point of story. Yes it pissed me off too. and if he ever blew me off coming to see him so he could be with her, it would be hitting the fan! Second point...if he his hanging with a girl who has feelings for him, I think that he is leading her on, weather he means to or not. and that isn't right or fair to her. And not a good sistuation for him to be in. __________________ He wasn't sure he wanted a baby sister, but he loved her the moment he saw her.

03-10-2008, 12:04 AM	#12 (permalink)
FilleBelle Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The land of swimming pools and movie stars Posts: 329 Recipes: Thanks: 6 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Am I just unreasonable? Whoa, jr, good story! I think a large part of the problem here is that guys are extremely oblivious. They can have a pretty girl draped all over them and will say things like, "No, she's not interested. She's just friendly!" At any rate, we did talk. What he said last night was, "We could do something that weekend, but I kind of promised I'd be here because it's Mel's birthday." He maintains that he never meant to make her sound like she was important. He only mentioned this girl and her party because he wanted me to know the event was a factor in his plans for the weekend I had chosen. My argument was that she isn't a factor. She is a girl he went on a couple of dates with, who has become a casual acquaintance with a self-professed romantic interest in him. It was as weird to mention her in last night's conversation as it would have been to say, "We could do something that weekend, but I kind of promised myself I'd do a load of laundry." Why would you even mention that? It makes it sound as thought the laundry (or this girl) is on the same level of consideration as I am, which should definitely not be the case. He said he understands. We settled on another (much less convenient, not to mention shorter) time for a visit just so we could stop talking about it. Still, if he is a smart man, he will not go to the controversial party. He will show up on my doorstep professing his undying love for me. Lol, I guess he probably won't come up with that on his own, will he? The long distance is killer... If he came home to me every night that he wasn't on a trip and THEN said that he wanted to go to this girl's party, it wouldn't even be an issue. Since overlapping free time is at a premium, however, I feel like I gotta put my foot down about what he does with his. __________________ Caitie, sometimes girlfriend to Kevin, a Trans States FO based out of IAD

03-10-2008, 08:13 AM	#14 (permalink)
katbuad Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Nashville, TN USA Posts: 720 Recipes: Thanks: 11 Thanked 13 Times in 13 Posts	Re: Am I just unreasonable? Not sure what you had hoped to do for the weekend but maybe you could invite yourself along (nicely, of course) to this girl's birthday party. If she is really just a friend and if she really knows that he is in a committed relationship then it is the perfect compromise. He gets to go where he promised, you get to know the girl better, you guys get to spend time together, and you guys make a public "together" statement that this girl can read loud and clear. Even if you don't really want to go, I think you should. Make the effort. Even if you have to travel. It is a chance to become apart of his world when he is without you. Wear something hot. Be fun and upbeat.

03-10-2008, 11:24 AM	#16 (permalink)
skibum515 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Park City Posts: 1,280 Recipes: Thanks: 2 Thanked 10 Times in 10 Posts	Re: Am I just unreasonable? on a positive note though - at least he's being upfront and honest with you about all this and not trying to hide it! Just make sure that you allow him to have some freedom as well because if he becomes resentful that you're "controlling" his time it could cause massive problems __________________

03-10-2008, 06:05 PM	#17 (permalink)
FilleBelle Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The land of swimming pools and movie stars Posts: 329 Recipes: Thanks: 6 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Am I just unreasonable? I totally agree with you Bigsweetie. The whole thing upsets me and he hasn't handled any part of it well at all. I confess that some of the changing plans thing is my fault, too, though. I think that sometimes, in an effort to not be a bitchy girlfriend, I sort of allow him to take advantage of me. Not over anything of great importance, of course, but I suspect I've encouraged a bad habit in both of us. Kat, that thought occurred to me, too. It seems like a decent compromise. I haven't figured out how to handle the inviting myself thing yet, though. I feel strange saying, "I'm coming to the party of this person I don't know and don't want to know even though no one has invited me." I'm working up to it, lol. I would like to say, in Kevin's defense, that I do not suspect him of cheating physically or emotionally. His crime against me, as far as I am concerned, is not consistently making me his number one priority. __________________ Caitie, sometimes girlfriend to Kevin, a Trans States FO based out of IAD

03-10-2008, 06:33 PM	#18 (permalink)
skibum515 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Park City Posts: 1,280 Recipes: Thanks: 2 Thanked 10 Times in 10 Posts	Re: Am I just unreasonable? "I would still really like to spend time with you on XX weekend, and I know you've promised XX that you'd go to her birthday party/celebration, but maybe I could go with you to that and then we could have the rest of the weekend to spend time together (or do XX)" __________________

03-10-2008, 06:39 PM	#19 (permalink)
FilleBelle Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The land of swimming pools and movie stars Posts: 329 Recipes: Thanks: 6 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Am I just unreasonable? Look at you...I'm still sitting over here formulating and you've got all the right words! THAT is what this forum is for, lol. __________________ Caitie, sometimes girlfriend to Kevin, a Trans States FO based out of IAD

03-10-2008, 07:41 PM	#20 (permalink)
BAC Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 956 Recipes: Thanks: 12 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Am I just unreasonable? I don't think its imposing at all for you to ask yourself along... you are his girlfriend and you have a long distance relationship and it sounds like you don't see each other that often.. so if it works out for you that weekend, why not? __________________ Becky

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