Could use some advice...

[lynsey]

Seeing as you're in MN, is he flight instructing at UND? If so, his Sunday schedule is up to him. It isn't included on the regular flight block schedule during the regular school year, but it can be necessary if bad weather sets students back. Perhaps he could make more time on Sundays to see you or talk to you on the phone.

[AnneCaitlin]

Originally Posted by lynsey

Seeing as you're in MN, is he flight instructing at UND? If so, his Sunday schedule is up to him. It isn't included on the regular flight block schedule during the regular school year, but it can be necessary if bad weather sets students back. Perhaps he could make more time on Sundays to see you or talk to you on the phone.

He's a flight instructor in the Chicago area, and also attending college, so weekends are usually devoted to flying--so sadly no Sundays off.

But I really appreciate everyone's advice! It's so nice to have people that I can relate to.

[kimmerz77]

I dont have as much expeirence b/c my b/f is just about to start being a cfi, however we have been together for 2 years and flying is his LIFE! just remember that all pilots have a lot to go through before they get there. More than likely while he is instructing on the weekends he is thinking about you and how all of this right now will help your future together.

[FilleBelle]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven years and we have always been long distance. The closest we've been is two hours apart, when we got to see each other every weekend. During his CFI days, we were 1,400 miles apart and saw each other every six to eight weeks, if we were lucky. Now that he's a FO that 1,400 miles is less of a big deal. The flight benefits allow us to see each other at least once a month, if not more. And as soon as he upgrades, he'll be moving out here! (Well...that's the plan...)

I completely and 100% agree with the posters who have said that you need to throw your energy into pursuing your own personal and career goals while he is pursuing his. The busier your life without him is, the more YOU will have to say to him during conversations and the less chance he will have to irritate you with stories about HIS job!

While it is absolutely true that the more work he puts in now, the easier your life together will be in the future, don't let anyone convince you that he HAS to be working all the time. There is no reason he should be unable to clear his schedule one weekend a month to spend solely on you. It may add a few extra weeks to the time he has to spend as a CFI, but if it means keeping you around, then I feel that he should be willing to do it.

Having said all of that, you're going to need to get over expressing your resentment about his job out loud to him. It is one thing to say that you miss him (who doesn't want to hear that?!?) and quite another to ask him not to talk about what is probably not just his job, but also his favorite hobby. If he asks about your life and listens when you answer, then you need to show him the same courtesy. I've sort of made Kevin's interest and career in aviation a hobby of mine. I challenge myself to keep up with the industry news and jargon so that I really feel like I'm a part of the conversation. In exchange, he always makes an effort to ask me about the things he knows are going on in my life.

I dunno, now I'm just rambling. It's a balancing act for the both of you. You need to have enough of a life apart from him so that you are not constantly resentful of the life he has apart from you and at the same time he needs to make a concerted effort to include you in what he is doing.

I have a thousand and one ideas for keeping a long distance relationship going. PLEASE feel free to PM me if you want to talk further!!!

[DaytonaBeachGal]

Maybe its a communication thing. I have learned with my husband that sometimes when I am expressing sadness, frustration etc. he feels in some way HE failed or something. It could just be a crappy day of being overwelmed with bills, class etc. Possibly your boyfriend feels when you express your ( well understood !! ) need to be closer to him etc. he feels like he is failing at being a great man to you and therefore his attention suffers to his flying aspirations and he feels some guilt. Becoming a pilot and paying those dues comes with much sacrifice and focus as many of these ladies will tell you too. Just hang in with him! Maybe try to remind him you are his biggest supporter in this dream ( assuming you are ! ) and then go on to just tell him you want to vent or something about how it just stinks royally to be apart etc.

I agree with the others saying you should " get busy " with your own life. But more importantly, create a good support system such as friends and family and of course sites such as this. When you miss your loved one and you are going through the trials of long distance you need support!

[DaytonaBeachGal]

Originally Posted by AnneCaitlin

I think it's because I get angry at him because he instructs on weekends-which is the time which is the only time we have to spend together. So as a result I tell him I don't like to hear about his work because it makes me upset, which I know isn't exactly being supportive. I guess it's mostly that I get so crabby about his job because to me it seems that he is "picking it" over spending time with me--a very unsupportive thing to think.

Yeah, I get this , like you are kind of threatened by it ??

My husband adores airshow flying and I always thought " with all the flying you do , you want to do MORE....and during your down time! ? "
But then I realized its one of the things that drew me to him - his passion. And now I am so proud of him being among a handful of folks that get these opportunities. I kick myself for ever feeling him pursuing a dream of his own was ever " competition " for me. Keep us posted!

[Love_my_Aviator]

Sweetheart welcome to the life of aviation He's a pilot in the making , and that calls for weekends, weeks, or maybe months away from him, sometimes sleepless nights when you really miss him being besides you. But what you should be asking yourself is why are you dating/married to him? Because you love him and because of his undoubted passion for flying planes (ofcourse in their due time they fly you too 99.9% pilots are by choice, because they could never picture themselves doing anything else but fly. They live, eat, sleep planes. Now it's your thing to come to terms with it, and give him that opening to come to you and speak to you about his passion. That way he would actually look forward to speaking to you so he could tell you all about his day/week at work. Isn't that wonderful? As bored as i may get hearing my hubby talk non-stop about airplanes and aviation, i love it too, because i can see the glimmer in his eyes he's always so excited when he's talking about work. You should add to his excitement and be happy knowing he's making more and more hours everyday, everytime he reaches a certain limit, its time for celebration. In the mean time, as everyone else advised you, carry on with your thing. spend time on yourself, socialize, go out with your family and friends, go for what drives you nuts, your goals and passion. That way you both will also have more to talk about and would anxiusly look fwd to speak to each other. Be supportive .