Taking a break

[guessharmony]

Ok, I know I am new around here, but I have to have somewhere to vent. Last night, my BF of a few months and I are "taking a break". He leaves tomorrow for training in Dallas and Paris, and he thinks that it would be a lot easier if he didn't have to worry about me for the next few weeks. I don't know what to think. I am crazy about him, but I know this is what he needs to do in order to pass his training. It just really sucks. It would be hard enough to date him while he is gone for three weeks, but luckily you ladies have given me great advice on how to last. Now, I don't know how I am going to be able to do it since I prolly won't even be able to talk to him most of the trip. Has this happened to anyone else?
I guess the big thing is that he said he wants to resume our relationship after he gets back. How am I supposed to feel about that? I mean, he just decides to take a break and I am supposed to be waiting? I don't get it.... maybe it's just that I am overly emotional right now because I know how hard it is going to be. I am just so upset because I made myself prepared for what it was going to be like, and it still wasn't good enough for him. I know he needs to be selfish and get this class done, and I support him in that, but it's almost like he just kinda forgot about me. He asked me how I got to be ok with all of this, and I told him about this and how much all you ladies have really put things into perspective for me, and he actually got mad about it. I don't know if it was just icing on the cake, but I don't see the big deal. Isn't the whole point that I *AM* ok with it all? And that I was prepared to let him do his thing and not be emotional towards him, so that he can get all this done and start his new job??
Sorry that I am rambling. My friends just don't understand what it is like, and I just figured some of you ladies might. Any tips on how to get through this??

[the_woman_99]

My SO starts training tomorrow in Dallas as well. He won't be done until the 20th of November. We have also not seen each other in a month. So I know what you are going through to a point.
I think that you should take these next 3 weeks and focus on you. Go out when you want to. Still keep him in your mind but if he decided that he wants a 'break' while he is in training it will do you no good to just sit home and think about him and your relationship. I know that with saying that it is probably easier said then done. I work 3 jobs right now just so I don't have time to dwell on my current situation and not being with my SO. It really does help to stay busy. Okay it has helped me
It is hard when they go off for training because when they call you hear about what they are doing and they tell you about going out with the group of what not. It sucks because you want to be there with them and can't. I think that you should just really focus and you and do things that are going to make you happy right now while he is gone. My SO and I both said that we would never do long distance relationships but here we are. We just both keep reminding ourselves that this is just temporary and we will be living together again as soon as things calm down.
Keep your chin up and know that we are all here for you.

[BAC]

I'm sorry.. but I don't buy that excuse. Whether you've been dating for a month or years... a "break" because he is going off to training for only THREE weeks? come on..

Of course training is hard. It downright sucks, for both parties involved in the relationship. I don't know you both very well and maybe this all will sound harsh but....

It seems like he isn't very serious about the relationship doesn't want to put forth the work. Lots of couples on this message board went through training (including myself) and hey! The pilot passed and managed to upkeep their relationship too! I think its just a matter of much somebody wants something. You were willing to put forth the work, and he wasn't.

Should you wait until he comes back? If it were me I don't think I could... but you are you. But if you really want to know, i think you deserve better...

I know this is really hard for you and you really like him.. if you need anybody to talk to, feel free to send me a PM..

[guessharmony]

OK, I can now say that I hate the corporate world. He was supposed to leave tomorrow morning, and now he isn't even going! PHEW! Do they just want to make everyone miserable?? Well, now we are going to have to have a talk about where our relationship is going, so I'll let you all know. But thank you sooooo much for your advice!!!! It was much appreciated in my time of need. You ladies are awesome!!

[devin]

Originally Posted by BAC

It seems like he isn't very serious about the relationship doesn't want to put forth the work. Lots of couples on this message board went through training (including myself) and hey! The pilot passed and managed to upkeep their relationship too! I think its just a matter of much somebody wants something. You were willing to put forth the work, and he wasn't.

Should you wait until he comes back? If it were me I don't think I could... but you are you. But if you really want to know, i think you deserve better...

I also don't know you or your relationship of course, but if a guy told me or a friend that, I'd say he wasn't serious about the relationship. It sounded like you were doing your best to support him and let him have the time and space and "self-centeredness" they need to focus and pass training, and him being *mad* at you for it makes no sense. The only thing that *would* make sense to me would be if he was scared/nervous/upset that you showed enough commitment and seriousness about the relationship to come to these boards, talk about it, figure out how to deal with it, etc. Maybe to him it's frightening that you're *that* serious about him/your relationship to make the effort, and some guys get angry when they're nervous.

Just my 2 cents, and again, I don't know your situation or relationship at all. I really hope your talk goes well and you get things straightened out!

[av8rwyf]

Originally Posted by BAC

I'm sorry.. but I don't buy that excuse. Whether you've been dating for a month or years... a "break" because he is going off to training for only THREE weeks? come on..

Of course training is hard. It downright sucks, for both parties involved in the relationship. I don't know you both very well and maybe this all will sound harsh but....

It seems like he isn't very serious about the relationship doesn't want to put forth the work. Lots of couples on this message board went through training (including myself) and hey! The pilot passed and managed to upkeep their relationship too! I think its just a matter of much somebody wants something. You were willing to put forth the work, and he wasn't.

Should you wait until he comes back? If it were me I don't think I could... but you are you. But if you really want to know, i think you deserve better...

I know this is really hard for you and you really like him.. if you need anybody to talk to, feel free to send me a PM..

Seriously! It is probably is a good thing he's staying in town b/c you guys need to have a heart to heart. Entering into a relationship, a serious one, is not built on convenience!!! This is probably his first training?? And it WON'T be his last!

My two cents...

[flyershoe]

Originally Posted by av8rwyf

Seriously! It is probably is a good thing he's staying in town b/c you guys need to have a heart to heart. Entering into a relationship, a serious one, is not built on convenience!!! This is probably his first training?? And it WON'T be his last!

My two cents...

I hate to say it, but is this guy looking for a way out already? From what I've read, this is a pretty new relationship... and if he's already worked for Delta, he knows what training will be like... did he have some situation(s) before where a relationship hindered what he was doing? Don't get me wrong, training is a difficult time for our pilots, but a phone call once a day for a few minutes isn't impossible. 3 weeks for training is next to nothing... most training programs are closer to 6-8 weeks.

I don't know... "taking a break" for a 3 week training wouldn't fly (no pun intended) with me... even if I'd only been dating someone for 2 months. I'm probably biased because of some training shenanigans that happened in my particular relationship, so I might just be bitter about training in general.



Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear... but I think you need to have a heart to heart with your guy and make sure you two are on the same page. Please feel free to PM me and definitely keep us updated!

[guessharmony]

Ugh, everything was going so good tonight until he was getting ready to leave my place and told me that he is up for a job, might be moving NEXT WEDNESDAY, to FLORIDA, for at least a year. WTF. So, we are still on "break", I guess, because he says he doesn't want to hurt me again. Honestly, I don't know what to think. But if he moves to Florida, he says that he and I can't be anything anymore. I know how easy it is to say that I shouldn't be with him, but if it wasn't for all this pilot stuff, we would be great together. I was just so excited that we could spend a good two months together before he goes back to Delta, but now, I just don't know. It's going to be in the back of my mind until then, and I don't know how to be happy until then. UGH! This all sucks majorly. Is this a normal deal for pilots? Is there always this much up in the air?! (no pun intended) Any more advice??

[Kristie]

woah, i'm confused...

"before he goes BACK to Delta"...

he works at delta but got a corporate gig but STILL flies for delta? isn't that "moonlighting"? and if so.. is he FLYING while on medical leave? cuz if that's the case then something just *ain't* right since medical leave at DAL means you're medically UNFIT to fly.

so something just isn't jiving with me already...esp since corporate flying (from what i understand..correct me if i'm wrong) is mostly a 24/7 oncall position?.

Originally Posted by guessharmony

Last night, my BF of a few months and I are "taking a break".

...

I guess the big thing is that he said he wants to resume our relationship after he gets back.

Originally Posted by guessharmony

But if he moves to Florida, he says that he and I can't be anything anymore.

if he's already told you twice that he wants to "take a break" and/or can't continue the relationship because he's moving ONE state south or whatever...then i'd be seeing some pretty big red flags

i dunno what it is... something just doesn't sound right and is kinda creeping me out.

Edit: my hubby has offered to verify information for you, if you like...he just needs his full name...if you'd like, you can PM me and he can check it for you? you're so new to the relationship that i'd hate to hear you'd been taken advantage of.

[guessharmony]

What happened was that he is on medical leave from Delta until January, I think he has been since June (?). But in January he can go back to the airline. Since then he has been doing a few corporate jobs, and has an offer for a new one that will begin next week. IDK, maybe I am just confusing things.