feeling down

[devin]

Well it's been nearly two weeks he's been gone, and it's going okay. I actually got to see him when I went on a trip with my mom down to LA for last weekend, which was wonderful! I've been depressed a couple times over him being gone, but not too bad yet because I've been incredibly busy with work the past week.

When I talked to him last weekend, he talked more about the job he'll be doing, and he had some unexpected "suprises" about it he failed to mention before... When he decided to try for a local freight job it was because we wanted to be able to live together and so he'd be home more often, even every night. The real motivation for this line of work for us was the daily schedule and time together which appealed to us more than an airline or regional schedule right now.

AMF was his first choice just for that reason, BFI is nearby, he'll be home every night, it was possible to get a route eventually that would match fairly well with my own work schedule, and he'd have weekends off. At least, that's all he said, so I assumed it was face value. He even got upgraded to a new plane, and at the time he said it was great because those runs would match with my schedule. Perfect! I found out over this past week, however, that it won't how he presented it to be, and now I feel kind of used/angry/depressed.

Talking about it this past weekend I found out that "perfectly" meant that he'd be home every night literally, but that it'd be arriving home around 11pm and he'd be gone again by 4-430am - exactly when I would be asleep, every day. I also found out that weekends off means from saturday afternoon/evening until sometime monday, which means maybe 1-1.5 days a week we will be awake and present at home to spend with each other, depending on his saturday schedule. I know that's nothing compared to what some of you gals go through, but it's a matter of what he led me to believe, and how it's turning out to actually be. It's really disappointing.

He's so happy he got his first choice job, but I can't help feeling somewhat frustrated and mislead, that he wasn't more clear about what exactly he meant with the schedule they have. I know he was aware of it, because he talked for weeks on messageboards with others about the company, pay, schedules, training, everything before he even applied. The whole reason we decided to go this route with this company, and that we were going to take a loan out of my savings for it, was because this would allow us to have more time together than a regional job, and so he wouldn't have to move cross country and do a LDR thing again.

He seemed suprised that I wasn't aware of it when he brought it up and I was completely floored when he did finally mention it, and maybe I should've researched things on my own. I definitely would've had I been less busy at work - I figured since I was so busy at my job at the time, and he spent all day researching these things, that he could educate me on what the situation would be. I have since then, and that's where I learned about the monday-saturday thing, which he didn't mention before either.

Since he's in training, I can't even really bring it up to talk about because I want to support him best I can and not burden him with problems right now. I can't shake this feeling of being mislead though. I know it's nothing he *intended* to do, most likely he assumed I realized what the schedules would be like and it wouldn't be any suprise. It's not really the first time he's failed to mention things that end up being important, at least to me, though. This time it really sucks though, I was soooo happy about this job, and about the quality/type of life it would allow us to have that we've been waiting for for so long, and to find out after he gets it that it won't happen (and he knew it) is so disheartening.

I just had to rant, I guess. Sorry about the long post.

[SeatClutcher]

I think the scheduling thing is really, really easy to misunderstand. Ian just got a freight flying job, too, not only because he's interested in the type of flying involved, but because we were both interested in being able to see one another every day instead of some days off, some days on.

It took me a little while to fully comprehend what his schedule would mean when he would explain it to me while he was in training. Then I visited him, and I got to experience the training schedule he had (which wasn't full nights, but sort of in-between...staying up until 3am, and waking up at 11). When he officially started work after training, it went to full-on nights - he starts his shift at 11pm and gets home at around 8am.

To make the schedule work in such a way that we're be able to see as much of each other as we can (which ends up being just about as much as we saw each other when we both slept at night and were awake during the day), we do this:

During the week, he'll wake up at about 5pm and leave for work at 10:30pm. Those hours are the hours we spent together on a 'same,' day schedule when 5-10 was after work for both of us. Now it just happens to be the end of my day and the beginning of his.

On weekends, he'll adjust his schedule to days as much as he can (I try to stay up later, too, but I'm not very good at it), which gives us a pretty good weekend together.

It sounds like you two have the weekend figured out, but is there any way the weekday schedule can be adjusted (on his part) so that he's getting up at a time that will allow him to hang out with you before he goes to work? It would probably mean he'd go to sleep not long after he gets home, but it seems to work for Ian...when he gets home, it's not STRAIGHT to bed. He has time for a beer and some relaxing before conking out.

P.S. sometimes, the company might paint a rosy picture of a possible schedule that might not necessarily end up applying to everyone. He (your significant other) might have had no idea what schedule he would end up with because runs vary so widely. He IS home every day, as promised, and he IS home on weekends...but there was probably no way he could have known his exact schedule until he got his assignment.

[devin]

Originally Posted by SeatClutcher

During the week, he'll wake up at about 5pm and leave for work at 10:30pm. Those hours are the hours we spent together on a 'same,' day schedule when 5-10 was after work for both of us. Now it just happens to be the end of my day and the beginning of his.

If that was going to be his schedule that would work a lot better. The plane he's going to be in, though, doesn't do nights like that, it's only daytime runs. Apparently daytime means he's gone all day and is only home for a few hours in the wee hours of the middle of the night...

Originally Posted by SeatClutcher

It sounds like you two have the weekend figured out, but is there any way the weekday schedule can be adjusted (on his part) so that he's getting up at a time that will allow him to hang out with you before he goes to work? It would probably mean he'd go to sleep not long after he gets home, but it seems to work for Ian...when he gets home, it's not STRAIGHT to bed. He has time for a beer and some relaxing before conking out.

His schedule will probably be, from what I've heard, he has to be up by 430am at the latest (to call in with them per their policy), and probably earlier, and at the airport by 5 to 6am. He'd then be out all day and be back home by 11pm. I work a white collar job schedule, and while I can adjust my schedule slightly when I'm not doing fieldwork, I can't work nights - I could possibly stay up until 11 or midnight sometimes, but not always, and I can't stay up all night, nor could I be getting up at 3 or 4 am all the time. So I'm not really sure how it could work at all. Weekends I could stay up later, but I have a sleeping problem to begin with, and messing with my schedule makes it *hard* to get back once the workweek starts. So really, the only day we have figured out is Sunday. He says he think the saturday thing is only during the busy holiday rush, and won't be all the time, but we'll see.

[ccbegay]

i'm sorry you're feeling like this...i hope everything works out for you...

[Bigsweetie]

I know EXACTLY what you're going through!! My DH used to do the same thing to me with the last three jobs he's had. He'd tell me one thing, usually whatever BS the company fed to him, then reguritate that to me. Both of us quickly learned that you can't believe everything mgmt. tells you nor the other pilots even. Everyone's idea of a "good" schedule is different.

I learned, over time, to ask VERY specific questions (i.e.- what is a typical schedule exactly), etc. And we also learned, as a PP mentioned, that sometimes you don't know the real answers to those questions until you start the job!

My best advice is to tell him that he needs to share ALL the info he has with you and then look at it objectively. Realize that if it's coming from mgmt, don't put too much stock in it.

Before you throw in the towel though, wait and see what happens. It may end up being not as bad as he just described to you.

My DH flys freight too! Does your DH's company have scheduled runs? Or is it "on demand" freight? The 5am - 11pm thing may be temporary (if they're busy with one particular customer). I know my DH's company has a short term contract with UPS. DH is going to be busy during that time, but not always. The rest of the time it's on demand, so he doesn't know if/when he has a trip till the company tells him they won the bid for one. Sometimes that's a blessing, sometimes that's a curse.

I say give it six months and then reevaluate the job and see if he's happy and your happy, etc. If he ends up hating that schedule himself, this could be a non-issue eventually. If he doesn't mind it, but you end up hating it, well you'll have to cross that bridge when you come to it.

[Kristie]

Can they actually fly freight pilots that hard? seems hard to believe, not to mention against FAA rules(?), they'd only be able to get 4 hrs of sleep every night.

[devin]

Originally Posted by Kristie

Can they actually fly freight pilots that hard? seems hard to believe, not to mention against FAA rules(?), they'd only be able to get 4 hrs of sleep every night.

They're required to have 8 hours of downtime (or it is 9? I forget). They way they get around it is by having their downtime in the outstation where they fly to (in the monring/afternoon, in my BF's case) - so they're "on call" at their hotel in Middleofnowhere, USA but it counts as their rest, even if they don't sleep while there. Either way it meets the requirements for downtime.

[devin]

Originally Posted by Bigsweetie

I know EXACTLY what you're going through!! My DH used to do the same thing to me with the last three jobs he's had. He'd tell me one thing, usually whatever BS the company fed to him, then reguritate that to me. Both of us quickly learned that you can't believe everything mgmt. tells you nor the other pilots even. Everyone's idea of a "good" schedule is different.

My bf's not always the best at communicating, he tries though. And in this case at least, it wasn't what he was fed by the management, it's what he had learned from talking on JC with the other pilots working for the company. He just assumed I knew what he meant by "daytime/nighttime schedules" and I magically knew what time he'd be getting home and leaving from that.

Originally Posted by Bigsweetie

My DH flys freight too! Does your DH's company have scheduled runs? Or is it "on demand" freight? The 5am - 11pm thing may be temporary (if they're busy with one particular customer). I know my DH's company has a short term contract with UPS. DH is going to be busy during that time, but not always. The rest of the time it's on demand, so he doesn't know if/when he has a trip till the company tells him they won the bid for one. Sometimes that's a blessing, sometimes that's a curse.

His company is a UPS feeder, I think sometimes they do have special runs, but generally they're scheduled, and what schedule you have depends on what you bid/seniority. I don't really know the details, he just said that runs where he'd be home by 6pm are probably the "most senior" ones and he'd have to be there a while first. He hasn't really talked to me much about how it works in that respect, either.

Originally Posted by Bigsweetie

I say give it six months and then reevaluate the job and see if he's happy and your happy, etc. If he ends up hating that schedule himself, this could be a non-issue eventually. If he doesn't mind it, but you end up hating it, well you'll have to cross that bridge when you come to it.

I'm going to give it some time, of course. I'm just feeling cranky and depressed, I've been really waiting for this for years so we could live together and have time together *finally* and then to find out after I celebrated that I might only see him weekends.... SUCKS! I'm just telling myself that it's done with and I just have to wait and see how things fall, but it's still hard to get over the disappointment.

[SeatClutcher]

Originally Posted by devin

I have a sleeping problem to begin with, and messing with my schedule makes it *hard* to get back once the workweek starts.

I know, too well, what you mean.

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I read your s/o's schedule to Ian, who said, "Man, his schedule sucks!"

Ugh. It stinks you're not able to hang out much.

[skibum515]

you said he's flying for AMF right? What's he flying and where is he based? My BF used to be a training capt. for AMF, so he might be able to give you a better idea of what to expect (if this is just temp, or what)