communication?

[skibum515]

glad i can help! I was a peer mediator throughout middle school/highschool and parts of college so I'm pretty good at the communicating thing! What I put up there works, as long as both people are willing to do it - and if it's just you starting out doing it, don't get frustrated if he continues to yell or accuse or whatever, just take a deep breath, remain calm and ask him to not accuse/point blame, but rather work towards a solution. I guess that's the most important thing - it doesn't matter who is right or who is wrong, or who's fault it is, but how can we come together to create some sort of compromise or solution that is fair to both people, or is at least something that both can agree on.

[Kristie]

Doug used to always say to me "the minute you raise your voice, i tune you out. so don't do that"

[skibum515]

Originally Posted by Kristie

Doug used to always say to me "the minute you raise your voice, i tune you out. so don't do that"

that's SO true. as soon as one person starts yelling then it becomes a yelling match, with each person trying to outdo the other. That's why you have to speak calmly and present your side and actually listen to what the other person has to say rather than tuning them out just going "your wrong...lalala..." (goes for both people in the relationship)

[the_woman_99]

It was funny because when I first started going out with my SO I was the one that would yell. He told me how much it drove him crazy so I really worked on not yelling when I would get angry. Now HE is the one to do it and it absolutly drives me crazy.

[Loubie Lou]

Originally Posted by jr_lenz

I was always the *I'm done, Im leaving* one. but we went to a *couples* weekend and I heard some things that changed my life. Basicly the idea was that a realtionship is all based off of a foundation or *safe area* and everytime that you use the breakup word, or divorce word you are putting doubt into the foundation of that realtionship. When you argue you have to have a safe place set up where both of you can bring things to the table. you can't bring old hurts, or use your intimate knowledge of your spouse to hurt them. and if (like I was) you are always playing the breakup card, then you are telling your mate this isn't a safe space. If I don't like what you say I am leaving. Then it closes off communcation.

This is fantastic! Who ran this weekend? I am also somewhat guilty of doing that, and I think this advice is common sence, but excellent. The obvious advice that stares you in the face without you seeing it is real 'light bulb moment' stuff. Thanks

[Mrs.Alchemist]

I think that it's great advice to not use words like "break-up" or "Divorce!" (Isn't that what went wrong in the movie "The Break Up" with Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn???)

Also, about the dishes... I am a lucky, lucky girl! It's rough now without my hubby being home... hehe When I turn the kitchen upside down, I have to put it all away by myself!