he leaves tomorrow...

[devin]

...and yesterday was my birthday. We were both glad his training didn't start until after my birthday when he got the call, but now I kind of wish it had. He's been kind of obsessive about learning about his new plane and reading through the books he got for training that he's barely even been present for days. I was fully expecting him to be gone and then some when he left until he got back, but I was hoping to at least get some attention before... and on my birthday at the least. I'm really depressed now, and he doesn't notice that either.

I can count on one hand the number of times we've kissed in the past week, or he's hugged me. He said he had plans for my birthday, which has kind of kept me going. The day of, he didn't even tell me happy birthday until 5pm. He *did* bake me a cake which thrilled (and which was his entire "plans"), but it kind of wore off when the rest of the night he ignored me and read out of his beech 99 manual... and when he did talk it was to tell me about some thing or another he's reading about. I took myself out to dinner because he had made no plans to cook anything, and he tagged along (without the book at least), but then just talked about the plane and job the entire time. Today he's going to the library to watch 10 hours of videos about the plane he'll be flying that he got from AMF yesterday.

I am *so* happy that he's gotten this job, and he's into his career and himself again, he took a long break and did nothing for a while. It's going to be great for us and our situation, as well. I just wish it seemed like I had a place in his mind still; maybe I'm just being selfish, but I was really looking forward to my birthday as a one last "us" day, and for something romantic and throughful...

Sorry about the long rant... I really don't want to burden him with it since he'll be under so much pressure shortly and I want to be supportive, but I had to get it off my chest

[Kristie]

wait till training is over and all will start going back to normal!

it's very common for pilots to start their training WELL before training actually starts, so it's not something unusual that your seeing.

if you were expecting something right before training started, you should have spoke up cuz you know that guys cannot read minds, esp near any training event!!

You still have a place in his mind, it's just that he has to compartmentalize everything so he can get this training job done....if training doesn't go well, he'd be out of a job and you'd have to go through it all again. so keep that chin up!

[devin]

Well it was my *birthday*, it was obvious I was expecting something. I told him several times how I was excited for the day to see what he had planned and do something fun. I don't know what else I could've told him.

[Imachickadee75]

Hey there Devin!

I know how disappointing it can be when you're hoping for something from DH and they don't deliver. In my family Bdays were a big deal but not in DH's. I wish he were better about celebrating mine.

This year though, I would definately try not to take it personally. Training times are ALWAYS hard. DH and I are finishing up his second 6 week stint in one year and I think I've decided just to give him a free pass on everything except emergencies under these circumstances.

He really just does not have the brain capacity to interact very well with me. I also think that he actually feels really guilty about it but has to set that aside thus pushing me aside even more.

My vote is that he'll come around again after training -especially if you just stay really positive and upbeat. He will really appreciate it. I noticed in your intro that part of his hiatus from flying had to do with problems you had. Maybe he's extra worried about you and working extra hard to close that out? What are you doing for you? What are your plans for while he's gone?

Good luck to you and come here frequently. We've all been there!

Jackie

[Kristie]

Originally Posted by IMACHICKADEE75

I know how disappointing it can be when you're hoping for something from DH and they don't deliver. In my family Bdays were a big deal but not in DH's. I wish he were better about celebrating mine.

I hear ya Jackie....It's the same way in my house too. sometimes I wish things were a little more "special" but i'll take what i can get after oh so many years of trying. Now, i've gotten used to it just being short and sweet, no big commotions, no major fanfare....must have something to do with age too i'm guessing! I'm just not that big into being the center of attention anymore

[Imachickadee75]

Well he makes up for it at Christmas. For some reason, I'm not big on the gifts at Christmas -but he loves it. So I guess it evens out, but its hard not to get a little hurt....

Jackie

[devin]

Originally Posted by IMACHICKADEE75

My vote is that he'll come around again after training -especially if you just stay really positive and upbeat. He will really appreciate it. I noticed in your intro that part of his hiatus from flying had to do with problems you had.

His hiatus was because the company he did work for restructured, and although he was interested in the new positions that they ended up with, it was more of a management/paperwork job than flying, and he didn't want that. He's the type that has motivation issues periodically. He went through a similar thing years back - he'll be *really* into flying and be a workaholic, then all the sudden a switch goes off and he just wants to veg out for months, be a bum, and won't really do anything... So it didn't really have to do with me, but he knew I didn't like him being gone a month at a time, and I benefited somewhat from having him around, even if it was frustrating he didn't do much and had no motivation.

I haven't complained or said anything, though part of me does feel that while it's great for him I'm making all these sacrificies to support him, it's not exactly balanced, and asking for a few hours the evening of my birthday isn't a whole heck of a lot. Even just *saying* "I'm sorry we can't do more now, but I'll make it up to you later" would be WONDERFUL.

I think the past few months has worn me thin though - Paying for 90% of his training with my all savings, and dealing with being bascially ignored for the past few months while he focused on that and the job search/interview thing, and now training preparation, and paying for his clothes for this career... I love him and I love helping him with his dreams any way I can, but I need support too...

I don't have many plans, though I know it'll help. I work full time; I have a family thing to go to tomorrow afternoon after he leaves, and thursday through sunday I'm going on a short trip with my mom, siblings, and nephew. That's about it though. I'm hoping to get a lot of yoga in, and maybe convince some friends to go out.

[Imachickadee75]

Please understand when I say "stay positive and upbeat" I almost choke. I'm not one to bury my feelings. I work in mental health, and I'm all about being honest! Its really hard for me to just let things ride -I expect him to be full partner in everything. But, it just seems that training is a unique time. I try to look at it as my gift to him -peace of mind at home.

I'm glad you have some things planned. How long will his training be and where will he be?

Jackie

[Amanda]

Originally Posted by devin

I think the past few months has worn me thin though - Paying for 90% of his training with my all savings, and dealing with being bascially ignored for the past few months while he focused on that and the job search/interview thing, and now training preparation, and paying for his clothes for this career... I love him and I love helping him with his dreams any way I can, but I need support too...

Holy cow... looked like he lucked out when he found you! I hope you have talked about marriage! Even when I knew Nick and I would be serious and would probably get married someday, there is no way I would have given him all of my savings, paid for his uniform, etc! Wow. Sorry but when I was younger I did something like that and paid thousands to help a boyfriend I thought I would end up with, but it didn't turn out that way. I guess that's why I was careful with Nick.

Sorry if this coming out so blunt. And if I might add, training is an extremely stressful time and Nick was very much focused on his career and passing his tests, etc. After 5 years I don't think there have been many times we celebrate holidays or birthdays on the actual day. It's something I had to accept.
Good luck.

[devin]

Originally Posted by Amanda

Holy cow... looked like he lucked out when he found you! I hope you have talked about marriage! Even when I knew Nick and I would be serious and would probably get married someday, there is no way I would have given him all of my savings, paid for his uniform, etc! Wow. Sorry but when I was younger I did something like that and paid thousands to help a boyfriend I thought I would end up with, but it didn't turn out that way. I guess that's why I was careful with Nick.

Sorry if this coming out so blunt. And if I might add, training is an extremely stressful time and Nick was very much focused on his career and passing his tests, etc. After 5 years I don't think there have been many times we celebrate holidays or birthdays on the actual day. It's something I had to accept.
Good luck.

We have been friends for years before we even started dating, so I feel secure in knowing that either way he'll pay me back. We've talked about marriage, but I've been married before, and I'm not really in any hurry to do it again, and I know he doesn't want to until he feels secure in his career, too. So, we're in no rush.

He did make my birthday up to me yesterday, yay! We spent the evening together and wandered around downtown and had a great time. I feel so much better! I'm so excited his career has finally re-started and I'm actually doing great this first day. He, unfortunately, is having a hard time of it so far - he hasn't ironed in over a decade and he's having quite the epic struggle trying to iron his shirts before the first day tomorrow