Thoughts, advice...

[bekj54]

Just wondering what peoples thoughts, advice would be in this situation. BF has been away for over six weeks now. He and the other pilot have had a bit of "down time" during that six week period, but not enough to come home for a visit. Usually on these nights they go out to see a band, have a few drinks - it usually ends up being a pretty late night. (I know because he always txts me before he goes to bed). For some reason, even though we have a really solid relationship, I start to get paranoid that he might meet someone else - you know, loneliness, a couple of drinks, who knows where the night could lead. Of course, he tells me not to be silly, that he loves me etc. But I'm wondering - does anyone else ever feel this way? Any advice on how to curb or stop these sorts of feelings? Thanks guys!

[katbuad]

I really don't have much business posting a reply here in "The Dating Game" section. (I am married.) That being said, feel free to ignore my advice.

My brother-in-law is young and single and a pilot. I have witnessed some of his dating relationships go from great to horrible. A clingy girlfriend is not an attractive thing. He is not going to change. He is a pilot. He is gone a lot (it is the nature of the industry). Pilots meet a lot of different people and have a lot of downtime away from home. Have faith and learn trust. If you know that he is a good guy Trust him to be a good guy away from you.

I know I kinda seem preachy. So sorry. But I have really liked some of my brother-in-law's girlfriends. (Was eyeballing a couple of them for a sister-in-law.) But that worry drove some of them just crazy.

Like I said, feel free to ignore me. I am not in the sitation, just an outsider looking in.

[jr_lenz]

I have mixed thoughts about it...yes a clingy gf/wife is hard...BUT the influnece of alochol is a dangerous force. I my life I have seen alot of bad things happened to the best of couples b/c of two many *drinks* and it leaves a big scare in the relationship that takes a lot of work to get through, or causes a break-up.

With that said, A few beers is alot different than going out and getting wasted. maybe you should have him call, then you can hear his voice. When I went out I always had to call DH when I got home, he always knew how much I drank by my voice, no matter how hard I tried. Plus I tell ALL when I have to drink...so if I had to much and flirted with the naughty side, I would always tattle on myself and he would give me hell (nice hell) in the morning. Plus I have a good gf who I go with who helps keep in check...I am very naughty when I drink(not that type of naughty) ...which DH is quite aware of...but if I am with someone he trusts he feels alot better. Which also works for me, if he is going with a friend who has a strong faith in relationships, I feel better.

Sorry that was alot of info, and a little rambling

[the_woman_99]

I know exactly what you mean. When my SO lived here I hated it when he went out with his friends because they weren't the greatest group of people if you know what I mean. It was hard for me to learn that it wasn't him I didn't trust but the people he was with. It has been easier with him living away right now because he is so busy that he doesn't really go out a lot. I know I am horrible but it is one less thing that I have to think about while we are apart from each other. I would like to say that it gets better but I stuggle with it on and off. All I know is that we love each other very much. He has never given me a reason not to trust him with the opposite sex and until he does I just have to pick and choose my battles.
I don't think that it is really a clingy thing or not. Women have more emotions then men do and we are bound to over think different situations even if we don't want to. In living away from my SO right now we have both learned how to communicate better with each other. He doesn't like it when I go out and drink without him because he worries about me and I think that he is finally starting to see things from my side as well where he is concerned.
I don't really think that there is a way to 'stop' these feelings. It is just who we are. Just remember that these are normal feelings to have. You can be the most confident person in the world and still think in some part of your mind something might happen. If we didn't have these thoughts we wouldn't be human. It is hard when you are already down and then the text comes. I hate it when my SO does that.
I am not sure if that really helped or not but I think that you will find that these feelings are normal it is what you do about it that makes the difference. Don't let it rule your life. I think that if he hasn't given you a reason to not trust him all you can really go off of is his feelings for you.
I hope that things get better for you soon!

[Jessica]

hey bekj54...I think that every girlfriend or wife of a pilot feels this way every once in a while. I am very trusting of my BF and I know that he loves me and would never cheat on me, but there are always those moments when he is away and out with the crew that I feel myself getting nervous and having the same thoughts as you....what happens if he meets someone else? I definitely agree with the_woman_99...it doesn't have anything to do with being clingy or not. Just because you don't like the fact that he stays out late doesn't make you clingy. It makes you human and a girlfriend looking out for her man.

I don't think there is anything that you can do to stop your feelings...at least nothing I've found. You've just got to keep trusting him and believe him when he tells you he loves you. And it doesn't hurt to tell your BF about your feelings...let him know that you worry about him and you don't like him drinking and staying out late. It might not stop him from doing it, but at least he knows you care.

[Bigsweetie]

Originally Posted by bekj54

Just wondering what peoples thoughts, advice would be in this situation. BF has been away for over six weeks now. He and the other pilot have had a bit of "down time" during that six week period, but not enough to come home for a visit. Usually on these nights they go out to see a band, have a few drinks - it usually ends up being a pretty late night. (I know because he always txts me before he goes to bed). For some reason, even though we have a really solid relationship, I start to get paranoid that he might meet someone else - you know, loneliness, a couple of drinks, who knows where the night could lead. Of course, he tells me not to be silly, that he loves me etc. But I'm wondering - does anyone else ever feel this way? Any advice on how to curb or stop these sorts of feelings? Thanks guys!

The only way to curb those feelings is to talk to him about them. Work on boundaries you BOTH are comfortable with, and talk, talk, talk.

Good luck!

[bekj54]

Thanks everyone for your different opinions and advice. I don't really think I am a clingy person - in fact I think when your BF only spends about 2 weeks of every 2 months at home it is hard to be "clingy". Nevertheless it's nice to hear from other people that have been in this situation. I did have a chat to him and expressed how I was feeling and - as always - he assured me there was nothing to worry about. Thanks again everyone