It is over and I am very sad

sfblue · 08-22-2007, 10:34 PM

This is the reply I got from my pilot

Quote:

That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever written to me.
Thank you for sharing it.

You should never feel vulnerable about your feelings.
They are the most important part of you.
We are not robots.

I am glad you feel comfortable around me.
And that you notice the little things (most people do not).
I guess my mother taught me well how to behave around girls.

You say that I have been good at keeping in touch with you, but I don't feel that I have been very good at that.
Today was case in point as I did not call you at all.
True, I was very busy all day, but I was also ashamed to call you.
I feel really bad about all of this.
I should not have tried to start a relationship when I was not settled.
You are a very sweet person and I would not want to hurt you.

Although I am very flattered by all that you wrote, I don't have the same feelings about us as you do.
I do enjoy your company and the few times we were together we very enjoyable.
And I too learned alot from you.
But I don't think we will have a future as a long distance relationship is not something that I am interested in trying to maintain.
When you came by the other night, I was going to tell you this, but I was too chicken.
I don't like to hurt other people, but sometimes they get hurt more when things are left unsaid.
I hope that is not the case now with you.

You are really the only friend I made during my short stay here in San Fran.
And I will always cherish that friendship.
You are really a very cool person, and I am glad to have gotten to know you.
I really hope that all the goals you have set for yourself come true.
I have no doubt that they will.

I am sorry not to have told you this in person, or told you this sooner.
I will be leaving for DC tomorrow evening.
When I get back on Sunday night, I will then just have Monday as my last full day in this apartment, which is a huge mess right now.
If you want, I can call you from the road, or when I get back, to at least say goodbye.

Hope you are well and your last cross country went well.

Bigsweetie · 08-22-2007, 10:58 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that!!! It sounds like his feelings for you weren't as strong as yours were for him.

HUGS to you sweetie!!!!

amelia · 08-22-2007, 11:23 PM

Big hugs. I'm so sorry.

laralen02 · 08-22-2007, 11:43 PM

I'm sorry it didn't work out...it sounds like you at least made a good friend from it (not a big consolation right now, I know...)

oppita · 08-23-2007, 12:37 AM

I´m sorry sfblue..
Please take care of yourself now...
Kissed and hugs.

sfblue · 08-23-2007, 01:11 AM

Thank you for your notes of comfort.

I wish he has told me earlier, at least last week when I saw him. He was so gentle and romantic last week, hugging and kissing me, rubbing my feet, lighted candle, read poem, asking me if I want to stay the night (I didnot), etc., it misled me a bit. I am sure he does have feelings to me, just not strong enough. I am sad we would not have opportunity to discover further. But whatever the reasons are, be it not strong enough feelings, be it about LD, or not being settled, I am glad that I have met him. As I said before, I definitely want to meet someone else with his quality (minus not liking his job part).

I will be sad, but I know I will be OK, hopefully soon...

oppita · 08-23-2007, 04:03 AM

Try to look at this from other side. He hade 4 months with you...
and he is the one who´s gonna miss a lot.

I just can not see him as gentleman though..he´s typical man...while he can have fun with you but no strings attached, that´s perfect arrangment for him. You opened up last time, and he didn´t have guts to tell you? oh..he has guts to fly a 30 000 kg plane but not to tell you?
He knew all this time that he´s going to move, now he uses it as excuse to tell you he don´t want to get involved in relationship..common! (There are plenty of guys flying up and down all over the country to get see their beloved...)

I don´t wanna sound hursh sweetie, but he only answered you when you pushed him to do so..otherwise he would be doing the same all the time.

I know you´ll be OK; and please keep in mind that you deserve somebody, who will keep in touch, who corresponds to your feeling, who will fly 1000 miles to see you for a while..

I got once a great book from my best gf:
He's Just Not That Into You: Your Daily Wake-up Call

it´s written with humor..but it really opened my eyes..And I loved one example given:
two people met, they go on date, like each other aparrently, than the guy didn´t call her when he said he will. days goes by and he finally called her like 10 days after..apologizing, that he was so busy in work.Her answer: great.Happy to hear that you are well. But you had a chance (one) and you didn´t make it!

She´s in charge! I had a blast when I read it..and I still go back to the book from time to time..to remind me...that I´m worth it and much more.

It´s not my intention to put you down, I hope I didn´t do it...

Hugs

sfblue · 08-23-2007, 07:24 AM

oppita

Thank you for the email. I actually have read the book you mentioned.

Yes, he did not have guts to tell me earlier or even last time I saw him. I wish he had although I am not sure how I would have reacted face to face. Tears?? Of course, I see more of his weakness.

To his defense, in the past 4 months, I only called him in total of 5 times ever. All other times, he called me every 2-3 days for the 1st 2.5 months, then every 4-6 days 1st 3 weeks after he heard the news of moving, then every 2-3 days in the past 2 weeks. Sometimes he says I will call in two days, it's in 3 days -- I figured it is common. He heard the new job early July. Before news of moving, he asked me out 1x or 2x per week, sometimes just got in from airport and had to leave the following morning. As he said, and I know that he enjoys being with me. It is just not enough, esp. in light of moving.

I asked him early on if he is looking for long term (he said yes, and asked me about it). I told him that I won't sleep with a man unless I know we are serious. He said he is willing to wait. The day I knew the moving news was the only time we were sexually intimate. We slept in same bed several times before that without sex and once when things were almost out of hand, and I said I want to be sure we are serious if we have sex, he said we will wait...

On the other hard, you are not harsh. I should have see this coming when he did not ask me out since moving news, and never asked more deeper questions about my past. ..

SeatClutcher · 08-23-2007, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oppita

Try to look at this from other side. He hade 4 months with you...
and he is the one who´s gonna miss a lot.

I just can not see him as gentleman though..he´s typical man...while he can have fun with you but no strings attached, that´s perfect arrangment for him. You opened up last time, and he didn´t have guts to tell you? oh..he has guts to fly a 30 000 kg plane but not to tell you?
He knew all this time that he´s going to move, now he uses it as excuse to tell you he don´t want to get involved in relationship..common! (There are plenty of guys flying up and down all over the country to get see their beloved...)

I don´t wanna sound hursh sweetie, but he only answered you when you pushed him to do so..otherwise he would be doing the same all the time.

I thought what he wrote her was pretty nice, and since it's hard to know his side of things (all we hear on a forum is one side, which makes it easy to imagine and assume), it seems unfair to call him a "typical man" (not sure what that is) for enjoying his time with her, but not committing.

Maybe he liked her and enjoyed hanging out with her (he must have!), but knows it isn't THE relationship in their lives. It's hard to fault someone for recognizing that.

And while it would be nice to be brave, it's not always that easy. Hell - when I asked Ian to marry me, I couldn't even do it to his face. I called it out from the kitchen! Flying a plane hardly takes as much bravery as does breaking something off with someone. Ask any pilot.

sfblue · 08-23-2007, 08:57 AM

SeatClutcher, thank you for your point of view.

Just to be sure, I still think he is a great guy despite he is not THE ONE for me. I donot blame him other than not letting me know earlier -- even that it is not him to blame. Human emotions are complicated. I think he had best intention when we met and all along. He might be have struggled to come to a conclusion on us...

Whatever it is, it is the past. I am glad that we met, even it is just for a season, not a life time...

08-22-2007, 10:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,501 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts	Re: It is over and I am very sad I'm so sorry to hear that!!! It sounds like his feelings for you weren't as strong as yours were for him. HUGS to you sweetie!!!!

08-22-2007, 11:23 PM	#3 (permalink)
amelia Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Denver Posts: 556 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts	Re: It is over and I am very sad Big hugs. I'm so sorry. __________________ Wife to Joe and mom to Olivia (7.9.05) and Joey (3.5.07)

08-22-2007, 11:43 PM	#4 (permalink)
laralen02 Jetgirls Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 489 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: It is over and I am very sad I'm sorry it didn't work out...it sounds like you at least made a good friend from it (not a big consolation right now, I know...) __________________ Lara

08-23-2007, 12:37 AM	#5 (permalink)
oppita Jetgirls Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Madrid, Spain Posts: 94 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: It is over and I am very sad I´m sorry sfblue.. Please take care of yourself now... Kissed and hugs.

08-23-2007, 01:11 AM	#6 (permalink)
sfblue Jetgirls Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: San Francisco Posts: 63 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: It is over and I am very sad Thank you for your notes of comfort. I wish he has told me earlier, at least last week when I saw him. He was so gentle and romantic last week, hugging and kissing me, rubbing my feet, lighted candle, read poem, asking me if I want to stay the night (I didnot), etc., it misled me a bit. I am sure he does have feelings to me, just not strong enough. I am sad we would not have opportunity to discover further. But whatever the reasons are, be it not strong enough feelings, be it about LD, or not being settled, I am glad that I have met him. As I said before, I definitely want to meet someone else with his quality (minus not liking his job part). I will be sad, but I know I will be OK, hopefully soon...

08-23-2007, 04:03 AM	#7 (permalink)
oppita Jetgirls Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Madrid, Spain Posts: 94 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: It is over and I am very sad Try to look at this from other side. He hade 4 months with you... and he is the one who´s gonna miss a lot. I just can not see him as gentleman though..he´s typical man...while he can have fun with you but no strings attached, that´s perfect arrangment for him. You opened up last time, and he didn´t have guts to tell you? oh..he has guts to fly a 30 000 kg plane but not to tell you? He knew all this time that he´s going to move, now he uses it as excuse to tell you he don´t want to get involved in relationship..common! (There are plenty of guys flying up and down all over the country to get see their beloved...) I don´t wanna sound hursh sweetie, but he only answered you when you pushed him to do so..otherwise he would be doing the same all the time. I know you´ll be OK; and please keep in mind that you deserve somebody, who will keep in touch, who corresponds to your feeling, who will fly 1000 miles to see you for a while.. I got once a great book from my best gf: He's Just Not That Into You: Your Daily Wake-up Call it´s written with humor..but it really opened my eyes..And I loved one example given: two people met, they go on date, like each other aparrently, than the guy didn´t call her when he said he will. days goes by and he finally called her like 10 days after..apologizing, that he was so busy in work.Her answer: great.Happy to hear that you are well. But you had a chance (one) and you didn´t make it! She´s in charge! I had a blast when I read it..and I still go back to the book from time to time..to remind me...that I´m worth it and much more. It´s not my intention to put you down, I hope I didn´t do it... Hugs

08-23-2007, 07:24 AM	#8 (permalink)
sfblue Jetgirls Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: San Francisco Posts: 63 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: It is over and I am very sad oppita Thank you for the email. I actually have read the book you mentioned. Yes, he did not have guts to tell me earlier or even last time I saw him. I wish he had although I am not sure how I would have reacted face to face. Tears?? Of course, I see more of his weakness. To his defense, in the past 4 months, I only called him in total of 5 times ever. All other times, he called me every 2-3 days for the 1st 2.5 months, then every 4-6 days 1st 3 weeks after he heard the news of moving, then every 2-3 days in the past 2 weeks. Sometimes he says I will call in two days, it's in 3 days -- I figured it is common. He heard the new job early July. Before news of moving, he asked me out 1x or 2x per week, sometimes just got in from airport and had to leave the following morning. As he said, and I know that he enjoys being with me. It is just not enough, esp. in light of moving. I asked him early on if he is looking for long term (he said yes, and asked me about it). I told him that I won't sleep with a man unless I know we are serious. He said he is willing to wait. The day I knew the moving news was the only time we were sexually intimate. We slept in same bed several times before that without sex and once when things were almost out of hand, and I said I want to be sure we are serious if we have sex, he said we will wait... On the other hard, you are not harsh. I should have see this coming when he did not ask me out since moving news, and never asked more deeper questions about my past. .. Last edited by sfblue; 08-23-2007 at 08:12 AM.

08-23-2007, 08:57 AM	#10 (permalink)
sfblue Jetgirls Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: San Francisco Posts: 63 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: It is over and I am very sad SeatClutcher, thank you for your point of view. Just to be sure, I still think he is a great guy despite he is not THE ONE for me. I donot blame him other than not letting me know earlier -- even that it is not him to blame. Human emotions are complicated. I think he had best intention when we met and all along. He might be have struggled to come to a conclusion on us... Whatever it is, it is the past. I am glad that we met, even it is just for a season, not a life time...

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