Last night was...BAD

[ace12]

Just curious... why doesn't your family like him? To me, this is such a huge piece of the pie. My family is so important to me, therefore it's important for my family to like my pilot too (right or wrong...).

[ccbegay]

I have been with my pilot for sometime now, and for the first 2 yrs of our relationship we did it between that state of NM and NC...right on the bat, when he moved to FL to finish training he was staying with his parents, and we thought we'd try a long vacation...i went to FL and was there for a month, initially I was hoping to move, start a life, and have a fairy tale ending...that was NOT the case, my job didn't transfer so well, I had no car, and we both found out and dealt with issues we had no idea that we had...so yes BIG surprise...from there, we traveled back and forth, talked several times a day for the next 1.5 years! I finally, and so did he, reach a point that enough was enough, if this was going to work something would have to change,of course he was the pilot and could take his job almost anywhere and he took it to NC. for my part, I was taking a class here and there and worked fulltime in retail and relized that was not for me. We talked about a possible move for a long time but nothing ever came through...until May last year...I made the decision (with his agreement also) that "I'm going to move..."and I did, I moved to NC last year to be with the man that I love...I admit that yes I moved for a man, and on some level it may be crazy, but I hold the philosophy, that I do not want to be an 80yr old woman regretting not moving across the country... I also moved based upon the idea, that personally I wanted something new, I hated the small town that I came from and I just wanted to be one of the few that left farmington and stayed, I wanted to finish school, and I wanted to see what life outside NM is really like.

We live together now and the first couple of months was a transition period, but right now we work. I'm back at school and should be done in december. I can't say every situation works like this, this is just my story...I am glad that I took that chance, and I am happier than I could ever be...I still don't know what the future holds, but I do know, that when I'm old and grey I can tell the grandkids that I did it...

[Mrs.Alchemist]

Originally Posted by the_woman_99

I want to make the move because he is the man that I love and I think that it will be worth it. It is just so overwhelming to think about right now.
It isn't a problem living with each other because when he lived here we lived together so I am not worried about that. I just don't want him to get all weird again like he did the first time around. I really don't think that he will because I would like to think that we are past that stage.
Right now he works for a freight co. so we don't have the luxury of living where ever we want and then just having him commute. I can't wait until that day arrives because then we can stay in one place longer. It is hard for him to settle down right now because he is so young and has a lot still to achieve. For me it is different. I have been in the same job for the last 3 years. So to be the one to relocate is fine but I also struggle with the thought that in a year or so we could be doing the same thing. I hate going from job to job. It does nothing good for my resume. I know I should just get over all the moving and think about the good things like being together and everything. I am now working on my resume to send it out and just see what happens with it. Atleast I can say that I tried

Moving to a new place for whatever reason is stressful, but you don't have to do it all at once... I decided to move by myself to CA (well, I brought my dog) and it was a lot to deal with, but you just break it down... look for apartments one day, start packing your things another day... and just go down the list until one day you're suddenly living in a new place! --- I ended up moving before I got a job, and since I couldn't easily commute between WI & CA, I had to rent an apartment online and over the phone without ever seeing it in person first... I just showed up with all of my things... And it took me 4 months to start working! (I applied right away, but the process was LONG!) (Plus, I had been at my job for 6 years.) I believe that if you're supposed to be doing something in your life, it will work out... You just have to do your part. I always think that it's better to try something new because you already know what it's like to do what you're doing now... Why not try something new?

[Mrs.Alchemist]

Originally Posted by ace12

Just curious... why doesn't your family like him? To me, this is such a huge piece of the pie. My family is so important to me, therefore it's important for my family to like my pilot too (right or wrong...).

I totally agree. There's only a few instances (I think) where you can write off the family's opinion. Generally, they really do want the best for you!

[the_woman_99]

They do want what is best for me but they don't think that he is it. It makes me really sad because we are such a close family but it is also coming between us because they don't understand why I love him and want to make my life with someone you won't be around all the time. It is just hard for them to see me make all these changes for something that might not work out. They don't understand that we want to try and see where things take us because we both love each other very much. They want to see me happy and I tell them all the time that they don't get to choose who I want to be with. It might be a little easier if my SO had a better attitude about being around them but that is something that we are working on

[skibum515]

ok, so here's my 3 cents. Move! You're only young once, and if it ends up getting weird, sucking, you can't find a job etc etc - move back to utah! It's not like this has to be something permanent. When I moved out here from MI i knew NO ONE! It was horrifically scary but at the same time, it took me completely out of my comfort zone and forced me to figure out who i am. I knew when I left home that I could always go back if this wasn't working out for me. Would your current job offer you that? Say you move out to KY for 2 or 3 months and you're really not feeling it and wanted to come back, would your current job offer you the option to come back?

Just something to think about!

also- with the family issues my dad doesn't like my bf (there was a post on this earlier this summer) my bro is ok with him and my mom is alright. My extended family loves him so go figure. haha.

[UKcats06]

I say go! Like everyone else said, it doesn't hve to be forever. I was torn between moving to JAX to be with dh or stay in KY where my family is and where my house is. It was only temporary, and i figured we are only young once. Once we have kids we won't be able to up and move whenever we want. I can't WAIT to get back home now, I miss my parents like crazy, but I am still glad I went. Now at least I have done it, and I know what else is out there I guess. I knew I wouldn't be able to see dh much, if at all, for 6 months and I really didn't want that.

As far as the parents go, my parents didn't like dh much at all when we first started dating. They just weren't used to him. He's very quiet and they talk a lot, so they assumed he didn't like them. He opened up more, and they realised he just doesn't talk much, and everything is good now. Sometimes it just takes time, and once they realise how happy you are when you are with him, I'm sure they will be happy. Good luck!

[Amanda]

I guess it's my 'maturity' speaking but I'm saying think long and hard before you pick up and move! You said: " I would be leaving EVERYTHING I have here to go there and be with him.". Why would you leave now? Is it insecurity about the relationship?

See what happens with him living away for a few months or longer. I was told a long tme ago "never chase metal". That is why after 4.5 years I never followed Nick. I love him more than anything but my job was in AZ. Nick ALWAYS made an effort to fly out to see me in AZ; that's how I know he was committed to US. Even if he saw me for less than 24 hours he would still visit!

I finally moved to be with him in PA earlier this year but it was after we had been together for a long time and knew we wanted to start our life together (and as you may know, we got engaged last month). If I had moved to be with him 4 years ago I can't imagine where our relationship would be. In our relationship Nick likes the fact that I am strong willed and independent. If our relationship couldn't cut it b/c we were apart then we were both not invested in the realtionship.
Good luck!

[Kristie]

Originally Posted by the_woman_99

I want to make the move because he is the man that I love and I think that it will be worth it. It is just so overwhelming to think about right now.
It isn't a problem living with each other because when he lived here we lived together so I am not worried about that. I just don't want him to get all weird again like he did the first time around. I really don't think that he will because I would like to think that we are past that stage.
Right now he works for a freight co. so we don't have the luxury of living where ever we want and then just having him commute. I can't wait until that day arrives because then we can stay in one place longer. It is hard for him to settle down right now because he is so young and has a lot still to achieve. For me it is different. I have been in the same job for the last 3 years. So to be the one to relocate is fine but I also struggle with the thought that in a year or so we could be doing the same thing. I hate going from job to job. It does nothing good for my resume. I know I should just get over all the moving and think about the good things like being together and everything. I am now working on my resume to send it out and just see what happens with it. Atleast I can say that I tried

you do realize that when you move in together you tend to "settle down" more which is what sounds like happened when you two moved in together. believe it or not, that's a pretty normal occurance for any man/woman who are married or living together...you just find a lot of commonalities that make things more comfortable. Now, if that's not something you want, then it's something you both will need to work on and make sure it doesn't become too much of a "roommate" relationship.

One thing you really shouldn't do is "follow the base". in all reality (even if commutability isn't that easy), he can get to work from any "major" airport (if he's with an airline, doesn't always work for corporate or freight). that gives you a lot of leeway in where you want to live, where the jobs are that would support you both etc.

If your tired of living with the parents but don't want to leave the city/town yet.. then just get your own place... make it a step by step decision.

If your ready for a brand new thrill, then write a list of cities you want to live in along with pro's/con's for each city and base your search on that - what YOU want - because if things with boyfriend don't end up working, you'd essentially be stuck in a town you didn't want to live in, in the first place. kwim?!

moving down to "the man" is not a bad thing either as long as you really want to live there...otherwise you just change one miserable location for another and that doesn't make for happiness on your part.

So think about that for a few nights and decide if you really *want* to live in the city he's in or if you'd rather move out of the folks house so he can come stay with you OR move out to a part of the country you've got opportunity and always wanted to live in because a lot of a positive aviation lifestyle is about the quality of life and where you live can make a big difference in that.

[the_woman_99]

We have been talking things over this last week.
He has told me over and over that he wants me to come out there and hopes that I like it. I am going out for a visit at the end of September. I am really excited. It will give me an opportunity to look around at things and see if it is somewhere where I could see myself living. I know that he is nervous about me liking it out there. I can't really give him an answer because I have never been there. So this trip will be interesting.
I know that I am ready for a new adventure. I have to be honest and say that I am a little scared about the job but I am also ready to move on and make a little bit more money
I have just decided that I will send out my resume to some places that have caught my eye in the beginning of September and see what happens. I don't have any plans set in stone yet but I figured if nothing comes from me sending out my resume then I can say that I at least tried.
He doesn't think that I really need a job lined up to move out there but I am a little more cautious about things. Maybe it is a woman thing
I have received some great advice from you girls on here. If any of you have anymore...please keep it coming!