Any advice from you long-distance relationship gurus?

[GreenMtnGirl]

Hey everyone! I've been lurking around here for a while at the suggestion of my loving boyfriend, a regular over on JC. And now, considering the few tears I've shed over the past week, is perhaps a good time to take advantage of the wealth of knowledge and support I've witnessed here!

My bf was hired by Mesaba Airlines this summer--his first choice for a number of reasons, including ease of flying to see me and eventually commuting from the 2 cities where I'll be in the next few years to finish up my education. We're both 22, we've been together for two+ years, plan to get married, and we spent a lot of time together as friends during the 6 months before. (We held off "dating" for a while because...he was my fourth and last flight instructor!!!) I have my PPL and wholly support his love of flying and his career choice because I understand how flying can get in your veins and there's no turning back!
But he's been in MN for FO training since June 30 and I haven't been able to fly out there, and probably won't be able to for at least another 3 weeks and I MISS HIM! I'm looking at spending the next year in ME while he's based in Detroit, and am fully prepared to figure out the long-distance thing...but there have been a few teary days and I'm sure they are only the first of many.

I know that we will have to spend a LOT of time apart for the duration of his career and have a pretty good sense of what's required of me--a lot of patience and confidence in myself and our relationship. (His dad is a pilot--and still married! So lots of good counsel there.) I'm in nursing school on the cheap with plans for chiropractic or N.P. and LOVE what I do; we think our plans will jive really nicely in the next few years. In the meantime... I know that it will NOT be easy, especially since this is only week three!

I know a lot of you have gone through this before and might have some friendly advice or suggestions on how to stay connected and keep things fun in the coming months. We'll be able to see each other about twice a month, but def not more. :...( It's bearable now, but I guess I should prepare myself for what lies ahead. I'm trying not to worry about drifting apart, or one of us changing a lot, or losing that connection, or not being able to support his needs because they're not being communicated well via phone and email (and vice versa)...but...well, trying is the operative word there.

Anyways...I've written plenty. Hope to spend more time here and get to know you girls! Thanks for any advice...

[ASLhands]

It may be ONLY week 3, but for me the first weeks/months were the hardest. I don't know about you, but I felt like it all happened SO fast! One minute he was flying to Houston for an interview and the next minute he was packing to leave for training. It felt surreal. I was excited for him and sad and there were just so many emotions! I had been with him for 8 years at that point and was used to seeing him everyday. We had lived together for 2 years. It was a HUGE adjustment for me. At times I just didn't know if I would ever get used to him being away so much! As time went on, I just starting adjusting. So did he. We have our own little routines for when he is gone and when he comes home. I actually enjoy it now. Sometimes I have my moments, but for the most part I like having the time to go exercise, go to school, watch what I want on TV, etc. I LOVE when he comes home and looks at me like he REALLY missed me. There are positive aspects, you just have to keep them in sight. Good luck, you guys will be fine. Just make sure to talk about things and make sure you both put in effort for you relationship. Congrats to your bf on the new job!

[SeatClutcher]

It's funny - I'm usually more confident in the relationship when there's time spent apart. When someone misses you, you're exciting and fresh, and you're thought about & longed for.

When you're with someone all the time, why think about them? Plus, you probably just had sex, so what's to long for?



Patience, though - I've learned over the past few years (various things have tried my patience like nothing I could have imagined) that it just takes practice. Most here will probably agree. It's just something you get used to.

Watch - after a while, if he's around for an extended period, you'll be like, "Uh...don't you have somewhere to fly, or something? I want to miss you."

[Mrs.Alchemist]

Yeah... it happens FAST! Even with the job that my husband just got, one day they called him, the next day they asked him to go to a local city for training, he went, and since they had just calibrated the equipment, they didn't want him training on it, so they flew him to San Francisco (a not-so-local city) the next morning, which was yesterday... I haven't even gotten the chance to get used to the idea, and he's already GONE! The craziest thing is that his mom's visiting from Brazil, and he left us both behind! ...and we don't even have free flights yet to see each other... He went from job hunting to on the pay roll in 2 days! It's left me feeling a little crazy... (And, of course totally excited that he's achieving his dreams/goals!)

[czechmate]

Originally Posted by SeatClutcher

Watch - after a while, if he's around for an extended period, you'll be like, "Uh...don't you have somewhere to fly, or something? I want to miss you."

Ain't that the truth!!!!

[GreenMtnGirl]

Originally Posted by czechmate

Ain't that the truth!!!!

Yeah, his mom always says that if his dad wasn't a pilot and gone half the time they would have divorced years ago!
To be honest, my bf and I were together all summer and we were both happy to say goodbye when he left last month...

Mrs. Alchemist, Wow- gone in two days! At least I knew this was coming and had time to mentally prepare myself! In the end though I guess we're all in the same boat, huh...

[Chi829]

The wife of a retired SWA pilot once told me that she was so nervous about him retiring because he would be HOME all the time! SHe didnt know how that would feel because when they met and married he was already with SWA. So,,,, isnt that a crazy twist? Here we all are, (most of us) worried about how it will be with our pilots away so much and some of us worry about what it will be like with them home.... wish I had that problem!

[katherine2473]

Originally Posted by Chi829

The wife of a retired SWA pilot once told me that she was so nervous about him retiring because he would be HOME all the time! SHe didnt know how that would feel because when they met and married he was already with SWA. So,,,, isnt that a crazy twist? Here we all are, (most of us) worried about how it will be with our pilots away so much and some of us worry about what it will be like with them home.... wish I had that problem!

Oh I can relate to that! PJ and I got married in April and we have never lived together! I've lived alone for 7 years, he's been divorced for 5 so we're are both very used to our space. Plus of course we usually live 4,000 miles apart! So we are definitely intrigued to see what it will be like as and when we do make it to the same country - lots and lots of patience and compromise me thinks!
And for the OP - best advice I can give is: (1) Have your own life so you have something to fall back on when your partner's away (and something new to share with him when he's home). (2) See what changes you can make so you can prioritise time when he is home (e.g. flexible working, flexibility generally!) (3) Remember that it's not going to be easy - having tough times is part of it and not everyone is cut out for it. (4) Use this place - every single person here knows exactly what it's like in a way that non-jetgirls simply can't!
Best of luck to you both.
Katherine

[Amanda]

Nick and I did the long distance thing. For about a year we saw each other only a few days each month. We made it though! Now we are living together lagain ike I knew we would someday. I kept myself very busy with hobbies, friends, you name it.

We have been together almost 5 years and have only gone a few days in that time without communicating somehow (phone, email, text, etc).

[Kristie]

to be honest.. i think doug's worried about me being home all the time now! even if i do start part time work, i know he's used to me being gone full time...so it'll be some adjustment for him!


but honestly, communication is what will make it work or what will break it! if you can keep good communication going (even thru the debates/arguements on the phone etc), then all the better!!

and at least try to see each other once or twice a month in person for a weekend or more than just a day and for goodness sake, keep yourself business and keep your own personality and hobbies..they'll pull you thru the hard times!!