Any advice from you long-distance relationship gurus?

[Kelly]

I agree with all of the above. Not sure how much help I can be... I'm not really dating a pilot (but neither of us are seeing other people), we are waiting until he's finished with school. He's out of state at school right now and I haven't seen him in 5 months!!!! I have my good days and my bad days, and I imagine you will too! Keeping busy is the easiest way to get through it. You have to just keep thinking that it will be worth it in the long run.

I loved the comments about having someone to "miss"... I agree 100%. Those posts made me smile. When you are together everyday its very easy to end up taking advantage of the other person and falling into a routine. I can't wait to have someone to miss... but just for a few days or weeks at a time (not months)!!!

[SeatClutcher]

Originally Posted by Kelly

but just for a few days or weeks at a time (not months)!!!

Ja - that's way too long!

[GreenMtnGirl]

Wow-Thanks for the all kind comments. I've talked with a few other women and they are all like, "Oh, I could never do that, don't you miss him a lot?". Real helpful. It's nice to hear from some fellow females who actually DO get it.

Every time I get discouraged (more tears today, actually!) I'll just have to come back here and remind myself that lots of other women have done this, and when I look back the year will have flown by! And then, from the sound of it...I may be wishing I could skip back in time when he's around too much!

[ace12]

I feel like a broken record, but I posted a similar topic when my DB was in training earlier this summer- woah, the tears flowed more than ever, for some odd reason. It didn't make a lot of sense, b/c he has been gone a lot since we started dating (lots of two week stretches, most weekends, etc.).

Hang in there! The sad feelings are totally normal. Just like all the gals say, stay REALLY busy. Training ends eventually. You have a great attitude.

I want to start a blog, journal, or just writing more about what's going on in my head and heart these days. I think that will help with more of these crazy stretches- even just to be able to look back at my feelings with new perspectives as often as possible.

Glad you found jetgirls!

[skibum515]

My BF is going through training right now - lucky for me he's been able to come visit me quite a bit which I think is pretty unusual. I find my limit is about 10-14 days before I start to really miss him a ton. There's definitely days where I'm ok and I'm not really bothered by him being gone and other days where all I can think about is him snuggling me or hugging me.

[flygirl813126]

I agree with everyone else here. It is all about being able to be a person on your own. Have activities, friends, etc. that are there for you to do when he is gone. I found that email was a wonderful thing while we were doing the distance thing (3 years of every 4-6 weeks we had a weekend together.) The nice thing about email is you don't have to both be available at the same time. And, when you get on your computer a simple note always made me happy at work.

[ccbegay]

I was in a LDR with my BF of 2.5 years. I met him in NM, where I am from, and he was just finishing up school with MESA after his program he moved back to FL to start/finish his CFI and then moved up to NC, where he is from. All while, I lived in NM. We dated for the 4 mths that we were in both NM, and I thought, "oh this is going to be it"...but the more we talked and took time for each other via email, cards, calls I was more attracted to him. We lived separate lives, in different time zones but we made it a point to communicate. I was in FL for a month, and from there decided that we wanted this to work. I was back in FL again, and back to NC several times. During our time apart, yes it was difficult and times I just didn't see a point, but we worked through so much. You have to trust, and communicate. I kept busy at home, working full time and keeping a Solid group of friends and a year ago we took the BIG step. Moved to NC and am finishing school, now that we have a "In Real Life" relationship, I found that our distance just made us stronger...and if we can handle that, we can handle anything...Good Luck to You...It ALL works out...

[sfblue]

ccbegay, great story.

I am not sure if I can give any good advice here. I am going to face similar situation as the pilot I am dating is moving from San Fran where I live to DC end of this month.

I have had one long distance relationship in my life so far. That was when I was 20 years old in the country I am coming from. We just made it work by visiting each other as much as we can. We can not afford plane tickets, we took train (it was 48 hours one way). We were married one year later. We parted as we grew apart and did have some compatibility issues. But we truly loved each other. If I would have done it again, I would have getting to know him better before marrying or I may not have married him. But that is another topic.

To make long distance work, here are some of my thoughts:

1st and foremost both parties have to be willing and determined.

Secondly Women have more emotions (at least I know of) than men. So we may have more ups and downs tham them. Also women tend to be capable of multi-tasking, and men have hard time. So there will be times that he is concentrating on things urgent (such as training), and we may feel left out. During those times, communication and self-control would be critical.

Thirdly, connecting with my 2nd point, men and woman deal stress differently. When a man is stressed, he may need space and does not want to talk. He needs to find solution on his own and solve his problem. It has nothing to do with us or relationship. Yet woman general does not understand this male tendency as we naturally want to talk and we solve problems by talking it out.

Lastly but not leastly, keep a busy life of your own. Always put youself 1st. It is not being selfish, it is taking care of youself, and be happy about who you are. Only then, you can make each other happier and bring the best out of each other. At least this is what I believe.

[jr_lenz]

my DH and I commuted for 4 yrs, (we have only been back under the same roof since April). I can't say that it is easy, but doable. it was really hard at times, b/c DH is not a big phone person. one of the things that helped us, was *dates*. we would rent the same movie and start it at the same time. we would both go to a coffee house, and sit and talk to each other. we would go for walks, or try to work out at the same time. When we were on the same time zone we would try and watch t.v at the same time and text each other. (american idol) was great for that. Even though we were two states apart it made me feel connected. try to share the little details of whats going on. I found this easier with email, than just rambling on the phone. but it made me feel close to him b/c I was sharing, and he liked to know what was going on. (don't expect the same from him....at least for my dh, details allude him!).


Good luck, Janet

[ccbegay]

Originally Posted by sfblue

Thirdly, connecting with my 2nd point, men and woman deal stress differently. When a man is stressed, he may need space and does not want to talk. He needs to find solution on his own and solve his problem. It has nothing to do with us or relationship. Yet woman general does not understand this male tendency as we naturally want to talk and we solve problems by talking it out.

I agree 100%, I have 'finally' learned that this is exactly how G works, it really sucks when I see that he's stressed and I just have to back off a bit, but he usually is back to his norm like nothing major happened...haha, I've learned this about a few disagreements here and there, but now I know! hahaha...