making progress!

[skibum515]

John came to visit this weekend and we basically had the most awesome weekend ever! The men in my family have always had issues with him and this weekend he and my brother bonded! They started talking about music (helped along by yours truly) and found out they have very common tastes (heavy metal). It's great because my brother finally sees John as a person rather than the big geek that his sister is dating.

Next time they hang out I'll have to bring up beer since they are both into different types and all that goes with it

Now if I could only get my dad to see him as a person too...

I've tried everything I can think of there. I tried to have a serious conversation with him when I was at home about this and he acted like a kid! He might as well have put his fingers in his ears and started yelling "lalalala" because that's how he reacted. It sucks. My mom has tried talking to him (she likes John) and no dice. Gah. John has made such an effort and has gotten nothing in return and I hate it because I'm very close with my family and I hate being put in the middle with both of them bashing the other to me.

[SeatClutcher]

It's incredibly disrespectful to you for EITHER of them to do that in your company. If you love someone, you don't bash someone they love in front of or to them.

I hope you find a way to make them stop. They don't have to like each other - sometimes people just don't. But they can at least be adults and be civil.

[Eastbayk]

Emily,

It's good that you are making progress. You've got two out of three on your side now! Do you know why your dad doesn't like him? Can your mom help you figure it out?

My grandparents always hated my ex because he had shoulder length hair and they came from a more clean cut generation. They asked me to never bring him to their house. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. But I agree with Kristen, it's not fair for either of them to put you in the middle.

Kim

[patty@myflightsurgeon.com]

Just my .02
I think you need to tell them together or separate how you feel.

Tell your dad something like dad I love you and you know it but " BF name" is the person I plan to marry, and I will not be put in the middle, if you don't like him then fine, just don't put him down in front of me.

And tell BF that you love him also but your dad is your dad, and the same goes for him.

It is ok for them not to like each other because he is going to marry you not your dad.

Maybe he(your dad) just needs to know that he is not going to hurt you. And that can only take time.

[jr_lenz]

I know how you feel, but poor lance had to win over 5 brothers and my dad. he has only really won one maybe two over! they all are trying and they talk but you can feel the tension btw them. My dad blames alot of stuff on Lance and is having a hard time moving pass that, and always wanted to have the "talks" with him. finally I told him that my life doesn't need to be fixed by him, and he doesn't need to understand everything, he needs to trust my judgment, and just try to be friends. I told him that he was done raising me and needed to back off.

but like I said, still tense. Good luck, and try not to push too hard!

[skibum515]

Originally Posted by patty@myflightsurgeon.com

Just my .02
I think you need to tell them together or separate how you feel.

Tell your dad something like dad I love you and you know it but " BF name" is the person I plan to marry, and I will not be put in the middle, if you don't like him then fine, just don't put him down in front of me.

And tell BF that you love him also but your dad is your dad, and the same goes for him.

It is ok for them not to like each other because he is going to marry you not your dad.

Maybe he(your dad) just needs to know that he is not going to hurt you. And that can only take time.

i tried talking to my dad about this. he basically put his fingers in his ears and walked away singing "lalalala".

John is a bit easier to talk to (we did again last night about this) - he's just frustrated because he keeps trying and getting nowhere, so now he's to the point where he doesn't even care anymore.

It's nice though because he sent me a text this morning saying that he knows it means a lot to me and he'll keep trying with my dad.

that means a lot to me because my family is really important to me and i don't want to be forced to chose between them and John.

[patty@myflightsurgeon.com]

Maybe John just lets to let things go on as they are for now.

Finally now after 22 years of marriage my DH and Bro are finally at the point that one of them doesn't leave the room when the other enters. And I can give thanks to my son(whom they both adore), because now that both pigheaded men have realized that they both are loved equally they are trying to get along.

I guess better late than never.

[mcmuffinpilot]

oooo...sorry girl , I didn't realize there was all that family tension with John and the family.
No worries though, its what makes you happy thats important.
Has your dad ever given you reason he doesn't like him ? Worst ..hello...he's a pilot, what better reason like him

[ASLhands]

Maybe now that your brother likes him, he'll tell your dad and your dad will start to change how he sees him. Has your dad ever liked any guy you've dated? I mean, dads don't often like guys who are "taking their little girls away." My feeling is that as long as he is civil to your bf, then that might be the best he can do... Good luck. I am sure it will all work out!

[ASLhands]

I forgot to say congrats on making progress, though. That's a positive step! Yay!!!