Guys and Gals - Page 5

TheWife · 09-02-2004, 09:59 PM

[quote:90b4d07cc0]We have boundaries, boundaries that I know won't be crossed. But I still belive that guys and gals can be buddies/friends[b:90b4d07cc0] (though not confidants)[/b:90b4d07cc0][/quote:90b4d07cc0] That is my point, you ARE showing respect for marriage BECAUSE you know that you need bounderies, instead of worrying about coming across as jealous if you don't let your dh have opposite sex best friends.

MQAAord · 09-02-2004, 10:01 PM

Ah, I see what you're saying Michelle!

flygirl813126 · 09-02-2004, 10:25 PM

I must say I have to agree with the recent posts. When the statement of friends was made I was mostly thining buddies. If John all of the sudden had some girl he ran to with all his problems I would not be thrilled [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] to say the least. As for where we are right now he has friends that happen to be females that are people that he spends time with when he is out with a group, etc. That I am totally fine with. I know that he knows confiding is someone is strictly meant for the two of us to share.

jamauk · 09-02-2004, 11:28 PM

Michelle,
I completely agree with you! Having "been there done that" (I was briefly married before I met Jason), I can atest first hand to the casualness a lot of people approach marriage with!

My parents were in the middle of a nasty divorce and I was fresh out of college and already struggling to "find myself". Throw in this divorce after 30 years of marriage and I was a mess! I met a guy 9 years older than me and he was nice to me and *seemed* to have everything figured out. I found out later that he had been married twice and had three children scattered across the country (three different women)

. Anyway...this older man appeared to offer the stability I was totally lacking with my parents. So as a blind fool, I married him after a very brief courtship. It didn't take me long at all to realize my mistake and get the he^^ out of there! This guy just brushed himself off as if another divorce was no big deal and from what I hear through the grapevine, he is contemplating another marriage.....

That experience made me realize just how sacred marriage is. I knew I never wanted to be in that situation again and IF I ever married again it would be forever. I met Jason shortly after and I fell head over heels in love and so did he. We work hard at our relationship because we want to keep it alive and fresh and exciting, etc....we have set boundries and we respect each other enough that even if for some unforseen reason we did fall out of love, we would still honor those boundries until we could find a resolution to our problems or decided to go separate ways. (I can't imagine life without him, so this is just a hypothetical)....

Anyway, Michelle....I think you are right about boundries being too relaxed. I think a lot of it has to do with people being so desperate to find love that they will let their partners get away with anything in order to hold onto them.

Also....no offense to our younger posters here....you all sound like you have very healthy relationships and I am talking in generalizations!! :-D

Sorry this is so long...I seemed to have got a little carried away! OOPS!

Kristie · 09-03-2004, 09:37 AM

well, I agree with all of the posts thus far... but when I take a look at the original post when skygirl asks if males & females can be friends, I think heck sure... it just depends on what type...

to me, the definition of friend is more like the definition of buddy...

now if you put adjectives in there, then it takes it further away from the actual definition of friend... more or less your putting more into the definition of friend, because there's close friend, confidant, grilling buddy, "helpful around the house" friend, friend you can depend on when you accidently run out of gas etc...

if you leave it up to the actual definition of friend - then it's more or less someone you can depend on - as a buddy IMO.

I totally agree with the boundary thing & close friend/confidants... but with all due respect, I don't think the question was regarding "close" friends, i think it was regarding just the term "friends"...KWIM?

so in that sense, you can be friends IFF (if and only if) your definition means a friend as in a buddy or someone you can depend on to help you out in times of need. cuz that's really what a friend should be, nothing more.

jamauk · 09-03-2004, 10:10 AM

Well put, Kristie!

TheWife · 09-03-2004, 04:01 PM

I probably took it the other way just cause I am used to it being the topic, but yes you are right Kristie, I don't think she meant it the way I did---yes I think males and females can be pals w/o being sexually interested--I have no interest in any of the guys my dh is friends with. But if I were ever to start confiding in them or something, and cross those bounderies, it might build into something more then it should be, but as it stands now, I have no interest in any of them so I conclude that we can be plas just fine w/o any problems.

09-02-2004, 09:59 PM	#41 (permalink)
TheWife Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 1,264 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals [quote:90b4d07cc0]We have boundaries, boundaries that I know won't be crossed. But I still belive that guys and gals can be buddies/friends[b:90b4d07cc0] (though not confidants)[/b:90b4d07cc0][/quote:90b4d07cc0] That is my point, you ARE showing respect for marriage BECAUSE you know that you need bounderies, instead of worrying about coming across as jealous if you don't let your dh have opposite sex best friends.

09-02-2004, 10:01 PM	#42 (permalink)
MQAAord Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: A Happy Place Posts: 668 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals Ah, I see what you're saying Michelle!

09-02-2004, 10:25 PM	#43 (permalink)
flygirl813126 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Northwest Suburbs, IL Posts: 783 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Guys and Gals I must say I have to agree with the recent posts. When the statement of friends was made I was mostly thining buddies. If John all of the sudden had some girl he ran to with all his problems I would not be thrilled [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] to say the least. As for where we are right now he has friends that happen to be females that are people that he spends time with when he is out with a group, etc. That I am totally fine with. I know that he knows confiding is someone is strictly meant for the two of us to share.

09-02-2004, 11:28 PM	#44 (permalink)
jamauk Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Poulsbo, WA Posts: 257 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals Michelle, I completely agree with you! Having "been there done that" (I was briefly married before I met Jason), I can atest first hand to the casualness a lot of people approach marriage with! My parents were in the middle of a nasty divorce and I was fresh out of college and already struggling to "find myself". Throw in this divorce after 30 years of marriage and I was a mess! I met a guy 9 years older than me and he was nice to me and seemed to have everything figured out. I found out later that he had been married twice and had three children scattered across the country (three different women) . Anyway...this older man appeared to offer the stability I was totally lacking with my parents. So as a blind fool, I married him after a very brief courtship. It didn't take me long at all to realize my mistake and get the he^^ out of there! This guy just brushed himself off as if another divorce was no big deal and from what I hear through the grapevine, he is contemplating another marriage..... That experience made me realize just how sacred marriage is. I knew I never wanted to be in that situation again and IF I ever married again it would be forever. I met Jason shortly after and I fell head over heels in love and so did he. We work hard at our relationship because we want to keep it alive and fresh and exciting, etc....we have set boundries and we respect each other enough that even if for some unforseen reason we did fall out of love, we would still honor those boundries until we could find a resolution to our problems or decided to go separate ways. (I can't imagine life without him, so this is just a hypothetical).... Anyway, Michelle....I think you are right about boundries being too relaxed. I think a lot of it has to do with people being so desperate to find love that they will let their partners get away with anything in order to hold onto them. Also....no offense to our younger posters here....you all sound like you have very healthy relationships and I am talking in generalizations!! :-D Sorry this is so long...I seemed to have got a little carried away! OOPS!

09-03-2004, 09:37 AM	#45 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,729 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 18 Times in 18 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals well, I agree with all of the posts thus far... but when I take a look at the original post when skygirl asks if males & females can be friends, I think heck sure... it just depends on what type... to me, the definition of friend is more like the definition of buddy... now if you put adjectives in there, then it takes it further away from the actual definition of friend... more or less your putting more into the definition of friend, because there's close friend, confidant, grilling buddy, "helpful around the house" friend, friend you can depend on when you accidently run out of gas etc... if you leave it up to the actual definition of friend - then it's more or less someone you can depend on - as a buddy IMO. I totally agree with the boundary thing & close friend/confidants... but with all due respect, I don't think the question was regarding "close" friends, i think it was regarding just the term "friends"...KWIM? so in that sense, you can be friends IFF (if and only if) your definition means a friend as in a buddy or someone you can depend on to help you out in times of need. cuz that's really what a friend should be, nothing more.

09-03-2004, 10:10 AM	#46 (permalink)
jamauk Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Poulsbo, WA Posts: 257 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals Well put, Kristie!

09-03-2004, 04:01 PM	#47 (permalink)
TheWife Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 1,264 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals I probably took it the other way just cause I am used to it being the topic, but yes you are right Kristie, I don't think she meant it the way I did---yes I think males and females can be pals w/o being sexually interested--I have no interest in any of the guys my dh is friends with. But if I were ever to start confiding in them or something, and cross those bounderies, it might build into something more then it should be, but as it stands now, I have no interest in any of them so I conclude that we can be plas just fine w/o any problems.

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