Guys and Gals - Page 3

CaptainsWife · 08-31-2004, 09:50 AM

Absolutely.
DH has a friend that is a pilot. He and I talk more than DH does. We joke about Dh thinking he we are having an affair, he is single. But he is more like a woman, with how we talk, he reminds me of one of my girlfriends. LOL

skibum515 · 08-31-2004, 09:59 AM

Hey ya'll, this is John,

I'm at a point in my life where my hormones are as raging as they'll ever be and it's not like i have unattractive female friends but I am NEVER going to make a move on them. That's just not how it works. I'm dating a very wonderful, attractive girl that is super supportive of me and everything that I do with my life. Why would I ever want to go and screw with that for a hot night with one of my friends? Not only would I probably end up destroying my friendship with said girl, I would absolutly destroy everything that me and Emily have built in our relationship. That's not worth it for me. Maybe I just don't think with my crotch enough or something, but I don't honestly see the appeal in banging one of my female friends. And this goes both ways too, 'cause Emily has some dude friends out in Ann Arbor that are probably fairly attractive, and she's never put the moves on them; nor will she. If I was worried that was going to happen, we couldn't continue in this relationship. To me if you can't trust your signifigant other to not cheat on you, and they're gone all the time, then what do you have? Lots of time worrying. Find someone that you can trust fully, and trust that they won't cheat on you. If you have that, then to me it dosen't matter who they hang out with; dude, chic, dog, cat, hamster, whatever.

Maybe I'm just 22, I'm not sure; but I trust Emily fully to not go and get with one of her friends that are dudes. I also trust THEM not to do the same, because all of them are absolutly stand up guys. Emily also trusts all of my female friends to do the same. In fact on the weekends we all usually hang out together. It's just a non issue for us I guess.

Anyways, hope that isn't too long winded or rambling.

Cheers

John Herreshoff

TheWife · 08-31-2004, 10:11 AM

John the thing is you never see it coming....I am not saying you would cheat on Emily, please don't think that I am. But let's say you have this casual friendship with some females and you don't think anything of it and neither does Emily because you trust each other completey etc. Well 3 years down the road you and Emily might hit a rough spot, maybe Emily does things you never thought she would, or stopped doing things you thought she would forever, and you ask one of these female friends what she thinks, and she tells you how she would never treat you that way, how wrong Emily is, how you deserve better, etc. You start to think yeah, Emily doesn't appreciate me, she doesn't see me for who I am anymore...over time you and this female friend talk more often, and you start to feel like she is better for you then Emily. At that point you might NOT feel like Emily is a super cool girl that you don't want to ruin your relationship with. At that point you might think you don't give a toot cause she isn't worth it to you anyway. See where I am going?

I don't think it's a BIG deal to have friendships of the opposite sex when they are very casual and not people you seek out to have intimate private conversations with, they should never have priority over your SO's needs, you should never get defensive when your SO brings them up, and even if there is nothing to worry about, if it bothers your SO you should respect that MORE then the friend. But if you have a BEST friend, that is of the opposite sex, and you expect your SO to deal with it, and this is some one you would go running to if you had a problem with SO---well, I don't think that's a very great idea and it's not something in MY marriage that would be acceptable to me. And in going back to the previous thread on this, it is ESPECIALLY crossing the line when you are having a SECRET friendship w/ the friend, or when you lie to your spouse about going out with said person, or when you do things for that person that you don't even do for your spouse, and when that person is more of a confident then any of your same sex friends or your spouse (or SO). That's way bad news IMO.

I can tell though w/ you and Emily that you are both very open with each other and really talk about everything so I do think you could both handle some casual opposite sex friends, because I don't think either of you would ever turn it in to what I described.

Bigsweetie · 08-31-2004, 09:12 PM

I agree with Michelle here. I don't mind that DH has female acquaintences/friends, but if he had a close friendship with a woman I would be very uncomfortable. Things can happen that we never suspect. You can think that you know someone inside and out and, trust me, they will always surprise you.

I think men and women that are in serious, committed relationships should be wary of "close" friends of the opposite sex. Friendships can be taken too far in times of weakness. You may think that you "know" your partner... you may think that you "know" yourself. But talk to the millions of divorced people in the world and they'll all tell you that they never thought the day they got married that it would end that way.

We would all like to think "I would NEVER do that..." or "He would NEVER do that" - but the truth is we never really know!!

Don't get me wrong - I don't worry about my DH on the road. But we have set some ground rules. No going out to eat/drink alone with female captains or F/A's (in a group is fine). If a female coworker comes to your hotel asking to use your shower or phone say "it's broken" :-D I think putting yourself in these kinds of positions can lead to danger... or even the appearance of danger.

Just my .02

Tanya

TheWife · 08-31-2004, 09:30 PM

[quote:27a0b75dee]If a female coworker comes to your hotel asking to use your shower or phone say "it's broken" I think putting yourself in these kinds of positions can lead to danger... or even the appearance of danger.
[/quote:27a0b75dee] I So totally agree! Just don't even get yourself in a situation that could be interpruted as something it's not, or lead to something you didn't expect!

jamauk · 09-01-2004, 01:25 AM

I've been gone for a while, but just want to add my 2 cents worth!

When I was in Highschool/College, most of my closest friends were guys. I just clicked better with them and felt more comfortable with them (maybe it was growing up in my brother's shadow and having all of his friends around all of the time!).

Anyway, when I would hear people talk about how girl/guy friendships just didn't work I thought they were all full of balogney. Well, since I've grown up a bit and now I'm married, I can see the other side. While Jason is free to dine with his female captains for F/A's I know nothing would ever happen and I know Jason wouldn't get himself into a questionable situation. In fact he has told me a time or two when some female coworkers have made some obvious remarks (he's so clueless I don't even think he realized they were hitting on him!). One female captain told him all about this horrible relationship she just got out of and she decided she was ready to "start sleeping with her FO's". Now, picture a cockpit and realize that Jason's left hand was right there out in the open, she easily could see his wedding band....he still thinks she was just talking and not hitting on him. I told him she was testing him to see if he was the type of pilot to cheat......another MARRIED flight attendant saw him in the lobby of a hotel as they were reporting for a flight and she said to him "you're hot and if we weren't both wearing wedding bands, we'd be back up in my room right now." I was none to pleased when he told me that story! But I can honestly say I know Jason would never cheat on me.
(I got distracted, sorry!)

Jason having femal aquaintences is fine with me, but I would have a problem with it if he a female close friend that he confided in, had lunch with, etc.....

I've also noticed reading through this post that the two opinions seem to be divided by age and life status (single, dating, married, etc...)

Again....just my two cents worth.

roz · 09-01-2004, 06:56 AM

LOL Jessica! There's light at the end of the tunnel. Charlie gets comments like, "Gee, you're as old as my DAD!" :-D

MQAAord · 09-01-2004, 08:06 AM

Okay, someone hitting on an obviously married person is not trying to be their 'friend'! That is some sleaze not respecting the boundaries of marriage! The same thing has happened to Bill a few times, and will probably happen to everybody at some point in their life regardless of their career.

(Not all female pilots & F/As are out to sleep with/seduce your husbands/boyfriends!!!! Most F/As I knew wouldn't touch a pilot with somebody's else's 10-foot pole!)

Back to being friends........

Again I just think it depends on the people involved. Everybody is different, and interacts differently with other people. I guess my guy friends and Bill's female friends really fall into the buddy category. We chat every now and then, but our discussions are not 'deep'. We don't discuss our marriage with those buddies. None of these relationships I would see as very 'close' friendships. I totally agree that there's an intimacy level that should only be crossed with your spouse/significant other. As long as those boundaries are respected by all parties, there doesn't have to be a problem. But again, it depends on the people involved! Everybody's different.

skibum515 · 09-01-2004, 03:51 PM

I think flygirl needs to post her opinions on this one...she's about my age but is engaged...that'll be an interesting bridge between us young'ins and the married crowd [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

TheWife · 09-01-2004, 05:30 PM

If I think back to when I was engaged I think that is when I started to get more possesive (ok not in a psycho way, you all know what I mean) about who dh was with, talking to, etc. Maybe that's not the right word, more like, more aware of things like that. But it wasn't until the later incidents w/ his friend that it really hit me (after our first year of marriage), how close you can get to trouble w/o realizing it.

08-31-2004, 09:50 AM	#21 (permalink)
CaptainsWife Jetgirls Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Idaho Posts: 62 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals Absolutely. DH has a friend that is a pilot. He and I talk more than DH does. We joke about Dh thinking he we are having an affair, he is single. But he is more like a woman, with how we talk, he reminds me of one of my girlfriends. LOL

08-31-2004, 09:59 AM	#22 (permalink)
skibum515 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Park City Posts: 1,280 Recipes: Thanks: 2 Thanked 10 Times in 10 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals Hey ya'll, this is John, I'm at a point in my life where my hormones are as raging as they'll ever be and it's not like i have unattractive female friends but I am NEVER going to make a move on them. That's just not how it works. I'm dating a very wonderful, attractive girl that is super supportive of me and everything that I do with my life. Why would I ever want to go and screw with that for a hot night with one of my friends? Not only would I probably end up destroying my friendship with said girl, I would absolutly destroy everything that me and Emily have built in our relationship. That's not worth it for me. Maybe I just don't think with my crotch enough or something, but I don't honestly see the appeal in banging one of my female friends. And this goes both ways too, 'cause Emily has some dude friends out in Ann Arbor that are probably fairly attractive, and she's never put the moves on them; nor will she. If I was worried that was going to happen, we couldn't continue in this relationship. To me if you can't trust your signifigant other to not cheat on you, and they're gone all the time, then what do you have? Lots of time worrying. Find someone that you can trust fully, and trust that they won't cheat on you. If you have that, then to me it dosen't matter who they hang out with; dude, chic, dog, cat, hamster, whatever. Maybe I'm just 22, I'm not sure; but I trust Emily fully to not go and get with one of her friends that are dudes. I also trust THEM not to do the same, because all of them are absolutly stand up guys. Emily also trusts all of my female friends to do the same. In fact on the weekends we all usually hang out together. It's just a non issue for us I guess. Anyways, hope that isn't too long winded or rambling. Cheers John Herreshoff

08-31-2004, 10:11 AM	#23 (permalink)
TheWife Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 1,264 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals John the thing is you never see it coming....I am not saying you would cheat on Emily, please don't think that I am. But let's say you have this casual friendship with some females and you don't think anything of it and neither does Emily because you trust each other completey etc. Well 3 years down the road you and Emily might hit a rough spot, maybe Emily does things you never thought she would, or stopped doing things you thought she would forever, and you ask one of these female friends what she thinks, and she tells you how she would never treat you that way, how wrong Emily is, how you deserve better, etc. You start to think yeah, Emily doesn't appreciate me, she doesn't see me for who I am anymore...over time you and this female friend talk more often, and you start to feel like she is better for you then Emily. At that point you might NOT feel like Emily is a super cool girl that you don't want to ruin your relationship with. At that point you might think you don't give a toot cause she isn't worth it to you anyway. See where I am going? I don't think it's a BIG deal to have friendships of the opposite sex when they are very casual and not people you seek out to have intimate private conversations with, they should never have priority over your SO's needs, you should never get defensive when your SO brings them up, and even if there is nothing to worry about, if it bothers your SO you should respect that MORE then the friend. But if you have a BEST friend, that is of the opposite sex, and you expect your SO to deal with it, and this is some one you would go running to if you had a problem with SO---well, I don't think that's a very great idea and it's not something in MY marriage that would be acceptable to me. And in going back to the previous thread on this, it is ESPECIALLY crossing the line when you are having a SECRET friendship w/ the friend, or when you lie to your spouse about going out with said person, or when you do things for that person that you don't even do for your spouse, and when that person is more of a confident then any of your same sex friends or your spouse (or SO). That's way bad news IMO. I can tell though w/ you and Emily that you are both very open with each other and really talk about everything so I do think you could both handle some casual opposite sex friends, because I don't think either of you would ever turn it in to what I described.

08-31-2004, 09:12 PM	#24 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,590 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals I agree with Michelle here. I don't mind that DH has female acquaintences/friends, but if he had a close friendship with a woman I would be very uncomfortable. Things can happen that we never suspect. You can think that you know someone inside and out and, trust me, they will always surprise you. I think men and women that are in serious, committed relationships should be wary of "close" friends of the opposite sex. Friendships can be taken too far in times of weakness. You may think that you "know" your partner... you may think that you "know" yourself. But talk to the millions of divorced people in the world and they'll all tell you that they never thought the day they got married that it would end that way. We would all like to think "I would NEVER do that..." or "He would NEVER do that" - but the truth is we never really know!! Don't get me wrong - I don't worry about my DH on the road. But we have set some ground rules. No going out to eat/drink alone with female captains or F/A's (in a group is fine). If a female coworker comes to your hotel asking to use your shower or phone say "it's broken" :-D I think putting yourself in these kinds of positions can lead to danger... or even the appearance of danger. Just my .02 Tanya

08-31-2004, 09:30 PM	#25 (permalink)
TheWife Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 1,264 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals [quote:27a0b75dee]If a female coworker comes to your hotel asking to use your shower or phone say "it's broken" I think putting yourself in these kinds of positions can lead to danger... or even the appearance of danger. [/quote:27a0b75dee] I So totally agree! Just don't even get yourself in a situation that could be interpruted as something it's not, or lead to something you didn't expect!

09-01-2004, 01:25 AM	#26 (permalink)
jamauk Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Poulsbo, WA Posts: 257 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals I've been gone for a while, but just want to add my 2 cents worth! When I was in Highschool/College, most of my closest friends were guys. I just clicked better with them and felt more comfortable with them (maybe it was growing up in my brother's shadow and having all of his friends around all of the time!). Anyway, when I would hear people talk about how girl/guy friendships just didn't work I thought they were all full of balogney. Well, since I've grown up a bit and now I'm married, I can see the other side. While Jason is free to dine with his female captains for F/A's I know nothing would ever happen and I know Jason wouldn't get himself into a questionable situation. In fact he has told me a time or two when some female coworkers have made some obvious remarks (he's so clueless I don't even think he realized they were hitting on him!). One female captain told him all about this horrible relationship she just got out of and she decided she was ready to "start sleeping with her FO's". Now, picture a cockpit and realize that Jason's left hand was right there out in the open, she easily could see his wedding band....he still thinks she was just talking and not hitting on him. I told him she was testing him to see if he was the type of pilot to cheat......another MARRIED flight attendant saw him in the lobby of a hotel as they were reporting for a flight and she said to him "you're hot and if we weren't both wearing wedding bands, we'd be back up in my room right now." I was none to pleased when he told me that story! But I can honestly say I know Jason would never cheat on me. (I got distracted, sorry!) Jason having femal aquaintences is fine with me, but I would have a problem with it if he a female close friend that he confided in, had lunch with, etc..... I've also noticed reading through this post that the two opinions seem to be divided by age and life status (single, dating, married, etc...) Again....just my two cents worth.

09-01-2004, 06:56 AM	#27 (permalink)
roz Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Philly Posts: 2,312 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals LOL Jessica! There's light at the end of the tunnel. Charlie gets comments like, "Gee, you're as old as my DAD!" :-D

09-01-2004, 08:06 AM	#28 (permalink)
MQAAord Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: A Happy Place Posts: 668 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals Okay, someone hitting on an obviously married person is not trying to be their 'friend'! That is some sleaze not respecting the boundaries of marriage! The same thing has happened to Bill a few times, and will probably happen to everybody at some point in their life regardless of their career. (Not all female pilots & F/As are out to sleep with/seduce your husbands/boyfriends!!!! Most F/As I knew wouldn't touch a pilot with somebody's else's 10-foot pole!) Back to being friends........ Again I just think it depends on the people involved. Everybody is different, and interacts differently with other people. I guess my guy friends and Bill's female friends really fall into the buddy category. We chat every now and then, but our discussions are not 'deep'. We don't discuss our marriage with those buddies. None of these relationships I would see as very 'close' friendships. I totally agree that there's an intimacy level that should only be crossed with your spouse/significant other. As long as those boundaries are respected by all parties, there doesn't have to be a problem. But again, it depends on the people involved! Everybody's different.

09-01-2004, 03:51 PM	#29 (permalink)
skibum515 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Park City Posts: 1,280 Recipes: Thanks: 2 Thanked 10 Times in 10 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals I think flygirl needs to post her opinions on this one...she's about my age but is engaged...that'll be an interesting bridge between us young'ins and the married crowd [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

09-01-2004, 05:30 PM	#30 (permalink)
TheWife Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 1,264 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: Guys and Gals If I think back to when I was engaged I think that is when I started to get more possesive (ok not in a psycho way, you all know what I mean) about who dh was with, talking to, etc. Maybe that's not the right word, more like, more aware of things like that. But it wasn't until the later incidents w/ his friend that it really hit me (after our first year of marriage), how close you can get to trouble w/o realizing it.

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